Trust - is there anyone else out there like me?

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blazingstar
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16 Dec 2018, 8:33 am

SadPhD wrote:

blazingstar wrote:

I understand where the OP is coming from because once long ago I got myself into a similar situation. It was terrible. I thought I was going to die from the loss, separation anxiety, whatever. I did a lot of very stupid things during this period.

OP, it has taken me decades to learn, but what all these people are telling you is correct. The posters here ARE trying to help you out of a terrible place. The problem is it requires changes on your part, not on hers.

There are no guarantees of anything in this life. There is no proof of safety. Your anxiety will not protect her, or bring her back safely even from the grocery store. It will most likely kill the relationship.

Thank you for not treating me like I'm an idiot.

I am already on medication for anxiety. I do not have any way to cope with what you've said. It is freaking me out in ways that I can't handle.

But at least now I know this isn't an autism problem. It's a me problem.

It is a problem a lot of autists have - high levels of anxiety - including myself. So you have company here. I remember when it was so bad I could not handle it either. It s*cks. High anxiety warps your (editorially) ability to accurately evaluate level of risk. It is possible to relieve the anxiety to some extent but it is a long and slow process. But you can do it, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. ((sadphd))

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kraftiekortie
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16 Dec 2018, 8:41 am

I’m sorry you feel anxious, SadPhD.

I know the world can be a rough place.

But there’s a beautiful world out there.

There’s lakes and forests and sky.

Mountains and plains. Sunsets.

That’s why people want to travel.

green0star
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16 Dec 2018, 9:16 am

SadPhD wrote:

jimmy m wrote:

There is a saying that goes something like this. When you visit a tombstone it identifies when you were born and when you died. They are two points in time. But what is really, really, really important is what lies between these two points. That represents your life. You can hide like a turtle in a shell or you can see the world and live great adventures.

If I could stay in my home my entire lifetime, I'd do it. I can't, so I do what I have to do. But travel is not something you have to do, and I cannot understand why anyone would want to "have great adventures" if they could stay safely in their home, where things are familiar and make sense.

Your lvl of "trust issues" sounds like my parents and while you've probably been through things to have made you that way, I have not and am this way because they've raised me to be this way. Of course negative experiences don't help the situation but I can tell you that such an extreme is a guaranteed way to lose friends. Take it from someone who hasn't maintained substantial friendship with someone outside the internet since grade school.

nick007
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16 Dec 2018, 10:14 pm

I had anxiety problems kind of like your OP within my 1st realtionship. That's one of the major reasons the relationship fell apart. I became very controlling as a result which caused lots of fights. I had problems like this within my 2nd relationship too which also caused lots of fights. I realized it was anxiety thou & researched anxiety meds & started the med Buspar. Buspar is specially for anxiety but it's NOT a benzo. It's meant to be taken regularly long term & can be taken with most other psych meds. Anyways my anxiety got alittle better & our realtionship got alittle more stable but the progress was too little too late & she dumped me. I had a hard time getting over her & realized some of it was OCD so I researched OCD meds & I started the med Neurontin/Gabapentin. it's a seizure med that can be taken with lots of psych meds. It helped me get over her & I got in my current relationship shortly after. I haven't screwed this realtionship up yet so I really believe the meds are helping but my girlfriend is also kinda clingy & needy which I'm sure also helps.

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ezbzbfcg2
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17 Dec 2018, 2:04 pm

BTDT wrote:

This is a difference between how normal people think and what is often called the black/white thinking associated with autism. In her mind she is telling the truth as she knows it.

Although I wouldn't split hairs over the phrase like the OP, I'd instinctively think, "you mean to say you intend to come back, you can't actually promise anything more concrete."

ezbzbfcg2
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17 Dec 2018, 2:05 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

Yeah, in addition to those beautiful lakes and forests and whatnot, there are also a LOT of people out there.

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