Why do some autistics lack the ability too hide it?

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Joe90
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05 Jun 2019, 3:46 pm

Being out in public alone requires more masking for me than being around people like family, friends, colleagues, etc. I don't know why that is.

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Arganger
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05 Jun 2019, 4:08 pm

Joe90 wrote:

Being out in public alone requires more masking for me than being around people like family, friends, colleagues, etc. I don't know why that is.

Probably less support and security in what is going on than if you are with people you know. I know I'm more of a mess alone in a public place than with family. I simply don't know what to do/am not confident I know what to do.

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05 Jun 2019, 4:08 pm

Joe90 wrote:

Being out in public alone requires more masking for me than being around people like family, friends, colleagues, etc. I don't know why that is.

The inversed is true for me. Except instead of masking, more like 'take account of current company -- don't worry them, don't scare them, don't embarrass them, etc.', yet I do know why is this. :lol:

If I'm alone, I got less things to mind and/or worry about.

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Antrax
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05 Jun 2019, 5:45 pm

Autism is a spectrum and the more autistic you are the harder it is going to be to "hide it."

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shortfatbalduglyman
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05 Jun 2019, 6:14 pm

Autistic gait

The way I walk is weird

The way I talk is weird

Noise sensitivity

Can't hide it

Arganger
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05 Jun 2019, 6:15 pm

Antrax wrote:

Autism is a spectrum and the more autistic you are the harder it is going to be to "hide it."

You can't really be more autistic, it doesn't work that way.

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05 Jun 2019, 6:22 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:

Exuvian wrote:

Men and women both mask. Dr. Attwood has said women have a greater knack for it.

* Level, as kraftiekortie & EzraS said has a huge bearing on the possibility/effectiveness and awareness of occasion for masking.
* How rested, amount of previous & current stress, life demands you're dealing with affects masking effectiveness too.

Also, the qualitative nature of the particular neurological quirks that underlie your social impairments in the first place. Someone could be Level 1, well-rested, and have a fulfilling intimate relationship, and yet, for example, could be incapable of imitating NT eye contact rhythms due to difficulties with multi-tasking and sensory integration.

That's a good point. Each trait may not be effectively masked to the same degree (or at all). However, the same trait can often be compensated for in different ways, which may improve the effectiveness of a harder-to-mask area.

For example, eye contact can be dealt with by several techniques like the "check in" (brief moments of eye gaze), "fuzzy vision" (letting your eyes defocus so you're looking at them, but not focused on), looking between their eyebrows (mimics "eye contact" without staring at eyeballs) or any combination the others. That doesn't mean it'll be 100% effective or work for everyone, but finding alternate solutions like this is how one can become all around better at masking as desired.

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05 Jun 2019, 6:26 pm

Arganger wrote:

Antrax wrote:

Autism is a spectrum and the more autistic you are the harder it is going to be to "hide it."

You can't really be more autistic, it doesn't work that way.

I'd argue that a level 3 Aspie is more autistic than a level 1. It's called a spectrum on purpose and the degree varies by person. There is a threshold between "technically autistic" and "not technically autistic", but many variations along the way.

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05 Jun 2019, 6:35 pm

Exuvian wrote:

Arganger wrote:

Antrax wrote:

Autism is a spectrum and the more autistic you are the harder it is going to be to "hide it."

You can't really be more autistic, it doesn't work that way.

I'd say each autistic is different, and like a color spectrum no one color is more a color than another. The way being autistic effects someone varies strongly but that doesn't make one autistic more autistic than another one.

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05 Jun 2019, 7:18 pm

Arganger wrote:

Exuvian wrote:

Arganger wrote:

Antrax wrote:

Autism is a spectrum and the more autistic you are the harder it is going to be to "hide it."

You can't really be more autistic, it doesn't work that way.

You're right that all colors on the spectrum are colors, just as all numbers on a ruler are numbers, but it's what they represent that makes the spectrum model relevant. What they represent are degrees or levels. At one end you have a person exhibiting autistic traits to a lesser degree and at the other a person exhibiting traits to a greater degree.

Just like you can have two people who are "tall", but one person may be 6'-4" and the other 6"-6". Both still "tall", but one is a little taller. No worries if you disagree, I just hope you can see why this is my conclusion.

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05 Jun 2019, 7:31 pm

cyberdad wrote:

It's subjective as what a "good answer" constitutes....

Here's the facts...the ratio of of diagnosed ASD is 5:1 in terms males:females
There's a crappy myth perpetuated by Baron-Cohen and Attwood that women are better at masking which actually doesn't make sense when you look at the ratio?

The ratio of diagnosed autistics and the ratio of autistics might and probably is different. A century ago science did know there was such a thing as autism. Until recently science was ignorant that anybody who has the ability to mask or write on WP could be autistic. There is still a lot of basic things we do not know about what we call autism. So the theory that the ratio of actual male autistics to female autistics is less than the ratio of diagnosed autistics because females are underdiagnosed due to superior masking skills should not be dismissed out of hand. All proven facts started as theories. Many of them were not believed by a wide majority of the theorists peers.

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05 Jun 2019, 9:58 pm

Fireblossom wrote:

It could also be that women are "better at masking" because social norms expect different things from us to some extent... for examble, being very emotional is a stereotype associated with women. If a woman is shy and doesn't talk much it's often not seen as weird, either. However, women who aren't emotional in the "right way" are less likely to be accepted, so they need to mask more and are in serious trouble if they can't.
There's also the thing that society expects girls to be more socially skilled than boys, so if a girl clearly has trouble then it's noticed easier (assuming she's not the quiet and shy type), so the parents start drilling social skills in their heads earlier, making them have a head start on practicing social skills on purpose to many autistic men of same level.

This is what I was going to say. It's not so much that females as a whole are better at holding down a mask. I would guess men and women have equal (in)abilities to do this. It's that what autism looks like from the outside is more socially in line with what is expected of women than men. Women and girls are allowed to be quiet and emotional without being questioned. If a boy is quiet or emotional, it is more likely someone will recommend some kind of intervention to find out why.

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05 Jun 2019, 10:04 pm

Why should we have to hide it? That's what I don't understand. If others cannot accept it, then don't you think that is their problem and not ours? Hell, we already have enough issues to deal with, so we don't need theirs as well!

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05 Jun 2019, 10:07 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:

Autistic gait

The way I walk is weird

What, exactly, is an "autistic gait"? Yes, I know what the word "gait" means, but how are we different in that regard? Why do you think the way you walk is "weird"?

Mona Pereth
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05 Jun 2019, 10:07 pm

Exuvian wrote:

For example, eye contact can be dealt with by several techniques like the "check in" (brief moments of eye gaze), "fuzzy vision" (letting your eyes defocus so you're looking at them, but not focused on), looking between their eyebrows (mimics "eye contact" without staring at eyeballs) or any combination the others. That doesn't mean it'll be 100% effective or work for everyone, but finding alternate solutions like this is how one can become all around better at masking as desired.

I can't do any of the above, because, when I'm engaged in conversation, my mind pretty much disengages from my eyes altogether, often to the point that I might as well be blind.

For me, looking at anything at all (other than looking at something directly relevant to the topic of the conversation), or indeed paying any attention at all to what my eyes might be doing, is a big distraction from the verbal content of the conversation.

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05 Jun 2019, 10:19 pm

Exuvian wrote:

Actually it's not a linear spectrum, with different points representing different degrees. Different autistic traits can vary more-or-less independently of each other. So, for example, one person might have extreme sound sensitivity but have no trouble making eye contact, whereas another person can't do eye contact but has no trouble with sound.

The three "levels' are at best a rough approximation of the overall "severity" of disability resulting from whatever combination of autistic traits one might have.

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