Why do you engage in your special interest?

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I always had a fascination for war tanks.
I am certain it was a response to feeling personally vulnerabe, and that was before the 29 years of gang-stalking that I endued.
Being on the spectrum in an NT dominated world is always stressful to some degree, isn't it?


You may have noticed.
I too am a tad "analytical".
For much of my life, I thought I was in the wrong.
I was told I "think too much".
I'm on the spectrum,
It is my "job" to think, duh.

I have a deep and abiding grudge/disrespect for toxic neurotypical social values.
When you think about it,
Much of NT society revolves around deception,
Which is an anathema to many/most aspies.

As a result, I don't pay that much attention to what NTs think is the "correct" way to interact socially.
Fork 'em.



I hear you, sister.

Me without my hobbies is like owning a torch without batteries. I am ineffective. I am just wasting space.

For me it just happens, as if it were the default mode or path of least resistance for my brain to return to when it's not actively tasked with something else. The natural impulse of it is so strong that if I get cut off from my usual methods of engagement, my mind will endlessly cycle in extreme distress as if this were a survival issue (while meanwhile, actual survival issues could be going completely neglected during this mental rebellion) till it finds or forces a way around perceived obstacles.

For example, in recent years I've had some unplanned downtime from severe menopause symptoms that could keep me bedridden for weeks at a time. This became a huge problem beyond just the obvious logistical issues in that most of my interests I was in the habit of pursuing through computer, which I no longer had the physical stamina to sit up and use, and book reading wasn't an alternative because my language-processing skills completely tanked along with my physical state.

Eventually I found some solace watching Let's Plays of strategy games through YouTube on the bedroom tv, but then while watching someone play Crusader Kings, they had a strategy of assassinating their wives after they turned 40 to be able to remarry someone younger because childbearing ability can translate to political power, and that was not a thought process I could mentally handle at that particular time, so my brain then spent months occupying itself with coming up with a "new and improved" version of feudalism to deter such systemic atrocities.

It actually became a rather interesting and productive project in the long run, but initially it was totally an irrational and instinctive response to largely unrelated incidents of stress and pain.

But then again, I suppose it could also explain some of the turns civilization has taken over the years if there actually was some irrational primordial instinct that might incite some small minority of cavepeople to say "Dammit, I'm in pain! Let's go fix the government!"

My only special interest is being on the internet.

But there is no specific thing on the internet that commands all my attention all the time. Occasionally a specific thing will command most of my attention for a short while.

Except for the online video game I play. But from what I have read in the forum for that game, many others are considerably more consumed with it than I am.

Why is it called a special interest? What makes it so special?

because it has hijacked the person's consciousness to the point where it sometimes even pre-empts regular self-care, almost like an obsession.

It gives me a sense of comfort and I'm more intune with it than anything else.
I can honestly say I've had a closer emotional intimacy with it than any living being,
and by that I mean my senses & emotions are more activated at both intake & outtake, than with people.
I can absorb the elements of it as though it were a best friends emotions. And can construct thoughts about it as though I were playing with a best friend.

This had me laughing. I've actually done this before, staying up to 2:00 AM to write and falling asleep in my typewriter to wake up with letters printed across my forehead from the ink left on the type.

^^ "Hackers do it all night long."
My special interest is in a field that can use my special abilities, so it gives me a chance to push the envelope. It is wonderful to be the first to discover something new. It feels so good that it is tempting to ignore new evidence, but sometimes the feeling and the realization both survive examination.
Some ancient ancestor of ours was more fascinated with springy sticks than anyone before him, and he invented the bow and arrow.