Something Profound wrote:
As a 38 year old who is seeking potential diagnosis, I am sure I have been masking my entire life and didn't realize it. Knowing what (very little) I do now about ASD and looking back, I realize that I assumed my stimming was nervous quirks (Shaking my knee up and down a lot, rocking slightly [apparently, I do not realize I do this], waving my hands near my side when I am frustrated or upset). I learned how to be an expert at employing words effectively, but when people ask me about how I became so articulate they don't realize that words made NO sense to me until I learned how to take them apart and put them back together (I enjoy the heck out of etymology because it helps me understand what words mean) and to this day I have to use long, round-about processes to do simple math equations. People trying to teach me how to do it the "regular" way irritates me. But I have become so good at doing these things (Which I assumed everyone had to do, silly me) that I seem...average more or less. I have odd quirks still, "but doesn't everybody?"
So can you be masking and not realize it? If I am indeed on the spectrum...yep. Absolutely. The things I had to learn to do to "be normal" I thought were just normal things. I didn't realize I was covering up my quirks, idiosyncrasies, etc to function, but now that I do, I feel as if it is a relief that my other behaviors I was covering for are ok.
Yes, I had to learn very early to not do certain things as not to get my head ripped off by members of my family.
I've not yet sought a diagnoses, I'm not sure how much of it my insurance would cover or if I would be running into super high medical bills. I've considered it, basically just to point out that its not "In my head" and not hearing the whole " your making excuses", " stop being a spaz"," quit being so uptight", " your making too big of a deal of it". So on and so forth.
Another reason I've considered going for one, is that if I ever get some A-hole manager who would have it out for me( I tend to expect the worst in people), I could have documentation if somehow my job would be on the line.
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Lying sideways atop crumpled sheets and no covers, he decides to dream
Dream up a new self for himself-Pearl Jam
23 Apr 2021, 6:43 pm
