What is autism like?

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Another viewpoint:

Lonely

Frustrated. Out of control. Fearful of people. Sensory overwhelm. Intelligent. Anxious. Emotionally Volatile. Inept. Logical. Disorganised. Inertia. Depression. Isolated. Bad communication skills. Disagreeable. Lack of focus. Maladroit. Perceptive. Passive. Sensitive. Tired. Impulsive. Creative.

I could describe my experience, but not by comparison to other things. I browsed disorders for over a decade without finding another match.

Well, this is going to sound silly and absurd, but autism is like your in a dream-like state throughout your life; however your able to see & hear what's going on around you just find it difficult to interact if this makes sense?

Sensory processing stuff sucks, as does feeling socially inept.

I tend to be overly verbose sometimes but anyway here's what I imagine that it's like for me to have autism.

I live in my own little world by myself but I don't get lonely much. I prefer to be by myself because my world makes more sense when I'm by myself. Maybe this is lonely but it is also comfortable.

I have motor tics and that was one of the main things that I was trying to figure out when I stumbled onto autism. It can take a long time when I go to bed for me to stop tweaking out with the motor tics and actually fall asleep. I hate it. Motor tics are the worst but I'm very grateful that I don't also have vocal tics.

I have sensory "issues". That is to say that my sense of touch, sound, sight, motion and other things goes a bit haywire to the point of being irritating and difficult to deal with but sometimes the sensory "issues" can also be delightful. I feel textures more than I should. I feel my toes in my socks and the seams of my socks against my toes more than I should. While these sensory differences can be problematic sometimes, I also enjoy some wonderful things related to how I experience the world around me that I imagine most NTs are not even capable of noticing. Sometimes my sensory "issues" can be wonderful and other times they are irritating beyond words.

I apparently have a "super power". I love all the childish attributes that are applied to autism - super powers and special interests and what not - that's not my super power though. My super power is my perceptual reasoning skills which I'm told by my psychologist is way beyond what most other people are capable of. That's neat I guess. Not sure what I'd do without it as I've never been without it...

The hyperfocus that I can experience is amazing when the circumstances are right and it is allowed to happen. I can get so immersed into a task that I'm working on that I can literally forget every thing around me. The only thing that exists to me in that moment is the elements of the puzzle I'm working on solving. I can even forget how to understand vocal communication when someone interrupts me. This is like a whole different state of mind that I don't have words to explain but it feels amazing and makes me far more intellectually capable than I am in a normal state of mind. They don't test for hyperfocus on the autism test but I would say that this is my real superpower. It has helped me many times as an engineer.

I don't understand my emotions. I know now that this is called alexithymia. My emotions are like a broken toy that is fun sometimes but mostly it just won't work in any way that I can understand and this is frustrating and isolating. Also, this makes social interaction more difficult because I don't remember to think of how my words will affect others.

About the social interaction, I'm bad at it! I miss social cues and can't read peoples intentions and generally feel like a little kid hanging out with the grown ups. I understand the words they say but don't understand why they talk about the things that they do. The things that most people chat about are not interesting to me at all.

Also the anxiety and depression that seem to be best friends with my autism, they make things worse for me. Thanks to the alexithymia, I didn't even know that I was depressed until fairly recently. I just experience this as generally feeling bad but not knowing why. Now I know that bright lights and soft music can help alleviate the feelings of depression. Given the state of the world, I imagine that everyone has anxiety. Maybe this is not even an autism thing any more.

What is it like to have autism? I can't answer this as I don't know what it's like to NOT have autism. I can't complain though, I do alright. Also, my brain is amazing!

For me, having autism is neither good nor bad - it just is. There's certainly many struggles and issues I face as a result of it but there's also plenty of good as well, so I really can't just simply state 'my autism is a bad thing' or 'my autism is a good thing'. It's just part of who I am and I have to take the good with the bad.

I finally got a diagnosis at age 62. I always felt like an alien on earth and people treated me differently. I knew I was different but tried hard to fit in.

Masking was exhausting and finally took it's toll so I decided to get assessed.

I avoid social gatherings and spend a lot of time alone indulging my special interests. I feel safer alone.

Everything is too loud, smelly, bright and uncomfortable.

I've outed myself to family and friends and I've had mixed responses. A few family members who I suspect are the same as me have been silent. Other friends very supportive.

I suspect there are many autistic people out there either misdiagnosed or not assessed.

My view is that if your questioning it your probably right .

What exactly is "masking"? Is that hiding your Aspie traits so you appear to be an NT?

I feel pretty good most days about myself or my life. Although it does feel a bit like normal people are completely different species and I observe them with mild interest. If only I'm not expected to act like a normal person I'd be a lot happier. I only behave / pretend for my mom and my in-laws. Thank goodness they don't visit often.