Lying

Post Reply New Topic

^I do not consider it to be lying if the person actually believes the story they created like if they're delusional. I think of lying as intentionally saying or displaying/giving false info.

I've made up stories to my family before of a guy I knew texting me and coming to my house when they weren't there and tried to make it look convincing, like putting an extra teacup in the sink or buying some flowers. I was only 18-19 at the time and wanted to be like my sister, who was often involved in men. I just felt bored with my life going nowhere, and wanted to make it seem more interesting to my family so that I could engage in 'teenage arguments' with my mother. I never did tell her that it didn't happen (but don't worry, the guy did exist and I did know him, but just he didn't text nor come to my house). I was even able to change my mood whenever I made out he'd texted me or not texted me.

Please don't judge, as I'm not proud of it either. The rest of my family has more or less forgotten about it anyway, as I have genuinely met up with men for real in my 20s, then met my husband, and those definitely aren't lies.

But it's just what loneliness and longing to belong can do to a person, especially a teenager. I just lived in a fantasy world back then, because as a person diagnosed with Asperger's so early in life it meant I was always mentored and had everything done for me, so I couldn't really engage myself in teenage rebellion. So that was why I sometimes fantasised about it.

There was a time as a teen when I lied & confessed to doing a prank 911 call at my high-school I did not do. I was in 9th grade & it was a couple weeks into the school year. I was ridding home with another student who was in 8th grade & we both had just started going to that school. His mom was late getting there on Friday & there was a group of kids hanging around the payphone. After they left the phone I went to there to check for change because I didn't get a lot of money from my parents(my parents were lower middle class but were very frugal) & there was no change at the payphone. When I rejoined my classmate I told him I was just checking for change at the phone. Then a police car drove up & the cop & my classmate apparently knew each other, the cop was probably a family friend. The cop said someone had called 911 from the payphone & then hung-up without saying anything. Me & my classmate said there was a group of kids hanging around so perhaps someone dialed it by mistake & then hung-up. There was no problem so the cop left. I thought everything was fine.

Saturday evening my classmate's parents called mine wanting to come over. My parents asked me if I did something & I said No. His parents showed up but he did not come with them. Anyways he thought I had made the call probably because I went to the phone & he misheard me when I said I was checking for change. Since my classmate knew the cop he was worried that the cop told the school about it & mentioned his name. He was understandably worried about being in trouble at school. His parents said they were encouraging him to tell the school on Monday that I had made the prank 911 call. His parents also said they thought it was best if I did not ride home with them anymore. I insisted I did not do it & tried explaining what happened & why he misunderstood but the parents did not believe me. After his parents left my parents kept asking me if I did it & kept telling me I should confess if I did. My dad also said if I confessed he would take me to the police station on Sunday in an attempt to find out if the school was told anything so I could hopefully avoid being in trouble with my new school. My mom came up with a very illogical theory that I was upset about his mom being late picking me up & I called 911 & hung up because I was throwing a fit My parents did not know about the option of me riding home with him till I was there for a week. My parents had picked me up after work which was a bit later every day than my classmate's mom came that Friday so my mom's theory made no sense to me.

It seemed like my parents were not going to believe me & would keep nagging me until I confessed. I realized I would def be in trouble with my school if I did not confess & I figured getting in trouble at school would cause me to be in even more trouble with my parents at home anyay. I broke down & told my parents I made the 911 call & hung-up without saying anything. My parents asked me why & my only response was that I did not know why I did it. My dad took the TV out my room which was supposed to be for month. Taking my TV away was the main way they punished me. Around the middle of the day on Sunday my dad brought me to the police station & told them his son wanted to confess to making a prank 911 call. Someone called the cop that responded & the cop had not told the school since a group had been hanging around the phone. They said they could punish me themselves & my dad said he was handling that. Luckily the cops did not talk to me at all & they had not done anything else.

That evening my dad brought me over to my classmates house for me to apologize & for my dad to tell them that the school had not been notified so there was no need to worry. My dad talked with his parents for a couple hours while me & my classmate played Sega Genesis. My classmate was not mad at me. I was not mat at him because I understood it was a misunderstanding & he was freaking out about being in trouble at school since he knew the cop.

The next Sunday afternoon I went with my parents to visit my grandparents for a couple hours & my mom complained to my grandma about what I had done. My grandma said she did not think I would do that. After we got home my mom talked to my dad without me around for a bit. Then my parents asked me if I had really made the 911 call or if I confessed when I had not done it because of pressure. Of coarse I told them then that I did not do it. I did think something like "Assuming I had actually made that call I would have been been lying in the beginning when I insisted that I did not do it so why would I not lie again when it seemed like my parents might actually believe I had not done it" & of coarse I did not say that My dad brought the TV back in my room & my parents apologized & I kind of forgave them. I understood that picking me up after work was a major inconvenience for my parents so they were upset that I lost a free ride home. My parents were also freaking out about the possibility of me getting in trouble at a new school & thinking I had suddenly started a habit of doing prank phone calls.



There were various times as a kid when my teachers & principles told me to apologize for things bullies accused me of that I did not do or would not intentionally do. I just apologized at those points & said I was sorry to get the adults off my case. I did not want to get caught up in a debate about how I can not lie & apologize for something I did not do because that def would of gotten me in more trouble for being defiant.

Did not understand the concept of dishonesty..growiing up. bictimized by it when very small , could cause a depressive meltdown in me . When would be punished by being locked away . So without understanding . Avoidance of such circumstances become most important to me.But as I grew , found things to be different .

If somebody asks me if I did something wrong like stealing I can tell a lie with a straight face and say no. But if I hold an opinion based on logic reasoning and try to persuade someone by using emotional arguments that I don't believe in myself I feel physically ill.

When I was 11-12 I lied to everyone at school that I kissed a girl, because I'd just discovered I wasn't straight and I wanted people to think I had credentials. I heard it doesn't count if you don't have experience, so I said I did. The only experience I had was an experimental hug with my girl best friend after I confessed my feelings. But she only liked boys so it never went anywhere.

I know now that's silly because straight virgins exist, they know what they're into.

Some lies I don't like making, for example my obsessive research about Foster, trying to find even the tiniest piece of evidence that he may have been autistic, is so that I don't have to feel like I'm telling a lie when I tell people that he may have been autistic. Having at least a little bit of researched information to back this up makes me feel less guilty of lying then.

But most other (white) lies I don't feel morally guilty about if the lies aren't hurting anyone. I prefer to be honest as a person, as in loyal and trusting, but when I'm in a situation where I feel I have to tell a fib if it's the easier thing to do, then I don't dwell on the fact that I've told a lie. We all do it sometimes.

Like my friend at work gave me a bottle of alcohol for Christmas, and I don't drink. When he asked me the other day if I had tried it, I said I had, even though I hadn't. He smiled and said "it's nice, isn't it?" and I said, "oh yes, lovely, especially when cold", and he said "yes, most definitely." I just didn't have the heart to tell him that I don't really drink and haven't touched it. It might also come from the embarrassment I feel about living teetotal. Yes, I know it's nothing to be ashamed about, but it's very hard when you're living in a society that values drinking, and briefly pretending to have the experience of drinking is a way of making me feel connected.
And while my friend probably won't exactly feel hurt or annoyed if I did say the truth, I'd still feel awkward telling him that I haven't touched his drink, and me saying I have enjoyed it is probably what he wants to hear.

Unwanted gifts are so awkward lol because I'm supposed to act excited to recieve this or come up with the most tactful rejection possible. I can't feign excitement to save my life. Same goes for gifts that I don't dislike but just feel neutral towards or like a bit, if I'm not genuinely brimming with glee then I can only open it straight faced and describe what it is. I do sometimes wait until the giver isn't present before I open it, less pressure. Finding a tactful rejection is easier than faking enjoying it though, I'd rather do that to avoid receiving the same thing again in future.

For my 32nd birthday, one of my friends got me a really ugly ai wall hanging of an orangutan sitting on the toilet, reading a newspaper. I hated it. Cheap material and lazy ai image. I was at a loss, I laughed at it, and then said I think this is ai it's not real art. A few months back they asked me if I ever hung it up, I said no and explained that I would do if it was drawn or painted. So it wasn't to my tastes. They were a bit disappointed so I explained that I appreciate the thought because you know I like orangutans and I like crude humour. It's nothing personal, I just didn't like it. Anyway I have a belated thing waiting for me for this year's birthday and it took weeks to deliver so no doubt they got me more temu tat again.

Accepting a gift, regardless..is still idealized as a gift . And having to engage society still as , supposably we ARE part of it As you age . a certain amount of Genteelness, is hopefully acquired . And the grace to know when to smile, inspite of all things contrary is a learned skill/ Art . And sparing a smile for another human attempting to appear humane. Is still not a wasted smile , Smiles do not cost much,And may help someone have a better?. imho ..

It may not be a deliberate lie, but the fact that they believe it still doesn't make it true, either. And even then, the fact that they believe it could have been deliberate, intentionally convincing themselves of the truth of their own words. A person can delude themselves, cos their version is preferable to what actually happened.



This just sounds like a fancy way of saying "I will lie to avoid the consequences of my actions", and justifying it by claiming that "everyone does it", and framing the lies as "fibs" of the "little white" variety. If you assume that lying lets you immediately get out of the situation, then lying is always easier, no matter what offense one has committed.

Yes. After being blamed and punished for things I did not do, sometimes lied for something I did do. But my mom had a fool proof state of the art lie detector.
She would look me in the eye, and made me look her in the eye, and ask with a smile and sweet voice, did you do it? My eyes averted away, and I'd start to laugh. Yep. That meant I was lying, and I would be punished. Later my younger brother would tell me he did it.
I gave my family enough grief for other things.

^I'm certain I would never pass that kind of test regardless of if I was actually lying or if I was actually telling the truth.

I have a terrible time with lying. I must admit this has a lot to do with why I've never cheated on my wife. Quite possibly why I've never had a high level security clearance, because I think a lot of people with clearances lie to investigators and get away with it, which I could never do.

I could cheat on my husband and lie my way through it. But I just wouldn't do that, because of the sheer guilt I'd feel.

When little many unwarranted avvusations of lying, was repeatedly punished for by pretty extreme methods .
Could not lie to save my own life . Now years later , would still rather throw a bottle on the ground and watch it shatter than lie . These days. . Am trying learn lies of omission . Like when cops or "authority figures" use their position and power of position to try to fool you into saying something wrong . Been advised,for safeties sake, to just not answer the door if someone unexpected shows up. Even a cop . If they do not know me well enough to call first . Then they are strangers to me.

Often when somebody is craving reassurance I can pick up on it without them needing to tell me specifically that they're craving reassurance, and so I'm not consciously lying as such, but just stepping into their shoes and feeling their feelings too much to even know how to be blunt. If I like them and they like me, I see how things make them feel, not in every situation (nobody's perfect), but in most situations.

So lying isn't always bad or told maliciously. Sometimes we can just feel the other person's feelings so much that we just give them an answer based on that by trying to see it from different perspectives. It's hard to explain.