Does anyone NOT have trouble reading social clues?

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I have gotten better at it over the years. However, I often feel as though I am faking it - as if I am a well-practiced performer.

I can fake it pretty good, the problem is I just don't like to. I don't like being social. I'd rather just be by myself.

I think I can even tell social ineptness in others - in some of those that otherwise seem well adjusted to their environment - but it seems there's a more profound undercurrent; there are constantly subtler things that separate me from others. Some of those things include unwritten social expectations that go beyond rules of courtesy such as starting small talk (and keeping small talk small) or the way I talk. A mixture of shyness, not-having-a-clue, apathy and feeling that I'm stooping to acting like an idiot lead me to rarerly initiating small talk (if at all) and making only random/lukewarm attempts at fitting in.
Also, I can read people within certain stereotypes (mobbing types at work) and attitudes (hostility, envy) but I can't seem to grasp anything outside my lifelong experience of rejection, bullying, etc. . .

In this sense I have some qualms with the idea of having Asperger's as a disease at all:

- My parents seem to have some AS traits; I believe growing up with them (especially my mother who rants in a loud, high pitched voice, interrupts constantly, and seems oblivious of the whole thing even after someone's gotten mad) has probably influenced me. Since I started living alone I have gradually began to recognize those traits both in them and myself; it naturally followed that I'm slowly erradicating those traits.

- Shouldn't getting bullied an entire lifetime affect someone's psyche? Most people pack themselves together because they have insane fear of being alone; most of what they do and express is embedded in this fear. If a so-called NT were to be forcibly subjected to isolation, rejection and bullying between the ages of 5 and 25, would he or she really develop normal social skills? I don't think so.

- Social skills: should they really be called skills at all?. I could only call them skills if I were to see people adapting themselves to the styles requiered by different settings; I see that many times this is definitely not the case and that people just fit in a certain social class with certain prejudices. . . and call that a skill. My past co-workers are an example of this.

- I've seen checklists describing Asperger's manner of speech as "pedantic"; I've been accused of that too, sometime. . . I know I don't try to boast. Why should it even be a deal at all? How about I qualify the impulsive babbling of many people with a word like that and say that's a symptom of some illness? Who's sicker, he who talks in an unusual but correct manner or those who become psychologicaly or physically violent towards that person? . . .because of that?.

I'm not saying there can't be anything neurological to all this; I'm just not too keen on embracing it all right away.

Wow. You described that very well. I'm much the same way. I'm very sensitive to emotions and mannerisms in people but I still don't know how to "play the game" in social situations. I never know how I'm expected to react to something.

I’m somewhere in between I think. I definitely pick up on obvious stuff, and it’s not like I’m just seeing shapes or something when I look at a person as I’ve heard some people and the spectrum describe. But on the other hand, I feel…clunky, clutzy when it comes to figuring things out exactly or navigating a social situation without a predefined role I understand (ie like interacting with people at work for work purposes-and even then that takes some effort/practice for me). I sometimes miss that there’s something else going on, and I’m oblivious to it. I don’t think I can tell more subtle things-I need them spelled out for me or I won’t get it. (Although strangely I *DO* pick up on really subtle things in well written TV shows...now why is that? I don't understand.)

There have been times when I TOTALLY screw up, although that’s rare-times like those also make me much more cautious, and wary about interactions. Tied in with that (as per another thread) I wouldn’t be able to tell if a woman was interested in me (on top of not knowing how to proceed if I did know). I have to err on the side of caution and assume they aren’t, and just in general interactions have to kind of always err on the side of caution if I can. It’s also stressful/tiring, which is another reason I just like my family and ex-fiancee-type-person (who emotionally fits into the family category for me).

I think as others have said I probably do okay on a “first acquaintance” type thing, but I think people think I’m a bit unusual if they know me (though I don’t think they dislike me that I can tell).

Actually I think I’m good at knowing what my poodle’s telling me, because she basically communicates words and sentences just with looks, and by pointing in a sequence and things like that.

I have that same type of feeling about other common AS symptoms. In fact this thread has made me think I'll start one for humor, as I have a really good sense of humor. I'm also physically coordinated just fine (I don't think I'm remarkable one way or the other), and no one thought anything particularly unusual about me in grade school. My voice also has a normal inflection I think-not the flat monotone I've heard is common. All that makes me wonder. Is it just that there's a wide continuum on all this stuff? I'm guessing that's it, as I fit other stuff well, and have never found anything else that describes me at ALL.



It seems like it could, although this is a thing where you have to figure out what's the cause, and what's the effect. In my case, I was some what picked on in school-not as bad as some people, but it was a real problem that made my life hell at times. But I think in my case, I was picked on BECAUSE I didn't know how to do the social stuff correctly. I think had I known, I probably would have been pretty popular. In my case I'm pretty sure being bullied was a RESULT of the social stuff, the social stuff wasn't a result of being bullied.

But...I was also physically and emotionally abused as a child, and possibly THAT set me up somehow to not be able to interact right? Caused so much fear/anxiety I couldn't do it right or something like that? I don't think that's it, but I suppose it's possible. (Even before that really started happening...well, I remember at or before 2 being confused about what I was supposed to do with this other child my mom set me up to play with-I felt like I didn't know how to interact with him right, and that was when I was literally around 2 years old...but maybe no one does then? I don't know. Apparently wouldn't talk to most people until after 3-5ish, though my mom said she and my pediatrician weren't worried because they could tell I could understand them).

And so ends a long boring post no one will actually read

I love reading everyone's posts. I may not always have an insight or perspective to add, but rest assured I read as much as possible. Which has actually become a problem, since I'm forgetting to eat and sleep.

How do I know what I don't know?
If I'm not picking up cues, then how can I be aware I'm not picking them up?
I know this: I hate small talk. I'm aware people look at me funny. Maybe that's why I hate it?


When I try to interact with NTs, I receive negative reinforcement. So I do it less. With lack of experience and practice, I get even worse at interacting. I become a hermit in the midst of humanity.
Asperger's causes Asperger's.

Well, that sounds like how you'd know you're probably not doing it "right", I guess.

In my case I just...don't know what to do. Don't know what I'm supposed to be saying, have had to learn it all sort of intellectually. And I sometimes get the sense (or it's really obvious) I haven't reacted or interpreted something correctly.



Ah, so the cure for Asperger's is curing Asperger's!

No, I need to learn and think through social situations, which I sometimes find tiresome. Recently, I've been thinking about the idea of a "social hangover." Usually, if I go out with friends, the next day I remember all the missed opportunities or I suddenly realize what was really meant by a comment or gesture. I get agitated and annoyed because I didn't react. I understand what nominalist says. Unfortunately for me, I never quite realized the depth of my social blindness until knowledge of AS. Now I'm trying to become a "practiced performer" too.

Yeah, I do that. I beat myself up over not saying the right thing or saying something stupid that I only realize after it's over. I sometimes have a hard time getting to sleep as all that stuff comes back.

I don't have any innate social skills. They all were painstakingly learnt over a period of years. But, I wanted to add, the little voice in my head often isn't the imperative one. It's the indicative, as in, "you are saying/asking something you don't mean," or, "you are giving a robotic and insincere response." (or is that the accusative, LOL, grammar joke)

No, I don't have any trouble. I can read them easily.

I think I've always been able to do the most obvious ones, and a lot of the more subtle ones I've taught myself. In a new, informal situation though, I have no clue how to behave, and end up just randomly trying strategies that have worked for me in past situations. For example, if a group of acquaintances invited me to a restaurant, I would be pretty confident, because I eat out a lot and I've already interpreted the meanings of most things that people can do or say at a restaurant. However, if the same group invited me to a house party, I'd probably decline politely, because I just can't seem to figure out how to speak with people I don't know well at house parties - I don't understand the nuances of all the interactions that are going on.
I'm also pretty good at decoding others' behavior as a completely neutral third party, if I'm given a long enough period to observe two people's interactions. It's much easier to read social cues when you're not expected to respond to them instantly.

Ditto. As a child and teen, I had no concept of how to relate with people. Then again, even if I did
know (or think I knew) what to do, the words usually did not come out the way I intended them. It made life very frustrating.

I started getting better at it in my 20s, 30s, and 40s. However, even now, I sometimes commit social faux pas.