Meeting other aspies and feeling like a fraud

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Well I counted up how many Aspies I have met in person and its 21. A lot more than you have met.

I am saying Aspergers affects men in some ways very differently than it does women. This is easily evidenced by the fact most of the AS women on her have been in relationships and had sex many times over and many of the women also hold down jobs, whereas with the AS guys there is a higher percentage of virginity, many have never worked and do not have any friends except online. That is on WP. ....In real life again the AS women I know all have friends consistently throughout their life, all work and all but one of them has had sex. With the AS guys I know only three have EVER had sex and only one of those guys has friends he hangs out with.

Aspergers men and women are different. The women are always more social for whatever reason. So either AS affects women differently or we are more able to overcome it either way the difference is ENORMOUS.

I've met one person with AS. I didn't know he had it until mum told me. I thought he had ADD or something, as he was really bad.

I have met three Aspies in person, and I also have a half-cousin with HFA.

Tim

Hormones affect us on a very deep level. Perhaps it is something as simple as hormones, in determining differences in how AS affects men and women differently. Hormones help shape our personality and make us more introverted or extroverted, etc.

Nice, does not mean a thing. Mine was an estimate, Im glad you can count to the exact number. I don't keep track of people as well as you do. Yes, thats a known difference between men and women : Women can have sex whenever they want (unless they are ugly or fat), and Men can't. AS does not help matters for those men.

It has a lot more to do with nurture than just having AS. Different AS women are shy or not, I have not found a concrete correlation. However, if we are thinking about the differences between men and women, then yes, there are some. However, I have found many AS women that are VERY shy, have never had sex (or very little), and are JUST like the shy men I've met. I've also met very nervous, talkative types who can't stop having sex with random men. It just matters who the person is.

I am unsure as to how many I have *actually* met, but I have suspected quite a few friends after thinking on it a bit... however, I don't think I ever feel "normal" in any group at all, lol-heck, I don't even know whether or not I necessarily fit in with myself, lol, if that makes any sense... been on a constant road to self-discovery/analyzation lately. Others would probably notice a lot more of my traits than I do at times, because AS or not, it is still observer standpoint as opposed to self. I'd probably feel weird in a group that had similar traits that I do not exhibit, but right at home with those who have the same as me...

'tis very true. Personality plays a huge role, and what the person has experienced in life of course. For instance, I'm kind of the type who gets nervous and will not shut up. I've never had sex with anyone completely randomly, but I've been in 4 relationships and have 2 kids, so I'm not sure how much better that is, lol. All were long-term.

But I have noticed something about myself. When I "click" with someone, which is rare, I tend to immediately take them under my wing (friend-wise), I even do it to older people. Not intentionally, of course, it is just my mannerism, I suppose-the way I speak with them (not patronizing, just the overall tone), etc, everyone always kind of looks at me as like "the wise old lady" or something (in person). That could have a bit to do with me having children, some sort of maternal instinct or similar, but I've always kind of become motherly or something with people I make any connection with. It is very odd. But I wouldn't say it's a "typical" way of bonding with people, as there still seem to be some blockers and all, but it is still very much there.... at the same time, this can fade just as quickly as it happens. I've made very close friends, and moved without so much as another word to them after that, and I never really have missed them... I suppose that is what separates me from what is seen as typical, I dunno... just analyzing-sorry, lol.

No, and I would suggest any psychiatrist who believes otherwise is not fit to practice.

I swear you're my twin!

It's a big spectrum, and a varied one at that. I'm sure I would seem out of place with many of the aspies here, that doesn't mean that I'm not one myself. It's just that my aspieness expresses itself in a slightly different way (for one thing, I like to be social - I suck at it, but I enjoy being with other people, although not large groups).

Ticker, your experience may not be representative, and I'd also suggest that maybe (from reading some of your other posts) you have a stronger sense of gender rolls than I do, for one thing. I suspect that colours what you see to a fair degree. I suspect in a large part, the difference between the sexes is more to do with social upbringing. Virtually all my friends in High School were female, and my aspieness fits far better into the female model than the male one.

The Aspies I’ve met weren't particularly obvious. I can't tell and don't care about outing people as Aspie or not. I just take their word for it. What is nice about meeting them is to find out about their similar experiences and that I feel I'm able to be myself and not worry about appearing weird.

You've just given a good description of Indiana.

srrv345,
It is true that AS people are verydifferent from one another depending on where we fall on the spectrum. I attended a conference on AS several years ago and I met a whole range of AS folks- everyone from the very obvious- the slightly odd- so "normal" that you wouldn't believe it. There's no need to justify or compare yourself to others. Those that really are on the spectrum understand.

Actually, 2 of the 3 aspies I was with the other day were female. They were just way different than I am. I'd never met another female aspie in RL before, so I was excited to meet them and was perhaps expecting them to be more like me than they were. I guess it just goes to show you that it's a diverse spectrum, regardless of gender and other factors. Oddly enough, I relate completely to my aspie boyfriend despite being of different genders. When I first met him I thought it was like looking at a male mirror of myself. After my (limited) experiences in meeting other aspies I'm beginning to feel as though quiet/not quiet is the major distinction, rather than male/female. Though that may be an oversimplification too, of course.

I may be one of those Aspie enigmas. I was painfully shy as a child and in fact would not speak to anyone other than family until I was about 8. Even still I did not talk or socialize much until my 30's. Slowly getting a little more talkative as the years went by..very gradual progression. However like you say about being social... I too totally suck at it but I do still enjoy meeting new people and talking or more often than not listening to their conversations with others at the table. If I try to chime in I usually stick my foot in my mouth. Considering my childhood my parents are amazed how social I am at times and how many people I know.

So I'm social in that sense yet at the same time I don't talk much whereas many Aspies I meet won't SHUT UP. The fact that they rattle on for hours doesn't mean they are better at socializing any more than I am. It just means they are talkers and I am a listener. There is a difference in "talking to" and "talking at" someone. Aspies tend to do the latter.

I've noticed Aspie conversation more often than not is about what the Aspie *thinks* and NT conversation is more about what the NT did. NT's are more action oriented hence my fascination at listening to their stories of what they did after work, etc. Do you notice the same Maestro when you are with others?

I went to an autism convention, recently an Asperger Syndrome Meet Up, and I have met a few autistics at school. Most of them made me feel uncomfortable and I didn't relate to well -- often they came off as *too* normal to me, or with too poor or strange of social skills. I am pretty obviously autistic and have some language issues and flap my hands, etc. but my social awareness has improved a lot. I might not always know the right thing to say or do, but I can recognize when someone is making a social faux pas. Even non-autistics with semi-normal social skills. I thought I couldn't have Asperger's or anything similar after meeting a girl at college who met most of the Asperger's stereotypes, and I assumed I really was just schizophrenic for awhile after that (I had been receiving diagnoses of psychosis because my developmental history was not being considered). However, my best friend I also met at college, she's also now diagnosed autistic, and she and I are like soulmates and eerily similar. Sometimes online I can also find autistic people whose style of interaction and experiences remind me of my own, but I haven't met them in-person.

Some of us are still developing ways of dealing with the consequences of so many things losing their familiarity and permanence when trying to translate the NT world for one's own well-being--the less familiar, the more flagrant; the less permanent, the more slippery. Some have largely given up, some still try, and some have mastered enough aspects of the NT world to balance or manipulate the assymetry. Some of us have enough support and some of us are doing it all by ourselves. Awareness designs the intelligence of our actions, unfortunately, Asperger's creates so many of our social blindspots. All aspies are different because nature and nurture asks each of us to survive according to our own circumstances. Different strategies lead to different accuracies which results in different personalities.