Can Autistics Really care?

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Addendum: my sympathy is...raw, I was watching the documentary where one individual has Asperger's. When he was supposed to ask a question, but he couldn't get any words out other than stuttering and stammered speech, he could not communicate at all other than saying he cannot do such; I had to leave the room as I've been in the same spot, situation. I felt his pain.

I felt uncomfortable.

Now, any of the other subjects with "disabilities", I felt nothing for their "pain", no good or bad, just a void.

I felt nothing.

This is me too. For someone with a self-inflicted drama I can fake sympathy for a while but it runs out pretty fast, especially if they won't accept they brought it on themselves and/or refuse to consider any advice offered.

Sometimes when someone I care about has had an awful thing happen to them I feel so bad for them I really struggle to be of any support at all. However, a friend once told me that I don't always have to have a reason and a solution for the bad stuff, and that sometimes just being there and listening is enough.

So, yes I think AS people do care but not always in recognisably NT way. There are plenty of people here who have formed successful relationships at all levels with other AS people and NTs which has to mean that they care, even if their 'caring' is a little clumsy.

I can be very empathic, but I do not express it as others do.

I don't necessarily feel sad, but I am aware that the other person feels very badly, and rather than listening to them vent, I instantly start looking for a solution.

I rarely think, "I would hate for that to happen with me"... but maybe because I have a very poor sense of what it might would actually feel like. If it is something I have never experienced personally, I cannot make that type of connection with it, so I approach the problem to find solutions so that the other might feel better, rather than being there to listen to them vent (which is often what they'd rather have). To them, I have heard it appears that I'm not taking the problem seriously. I approach it logically, as to what would help most likely in the case, which usually leaves the other feeling as if their emotional needs are being put off.

I don't necessarily know what the other is feeling, as I often have no clue what I'm feeling myself, but I do know that it doesn't feel good. Just in that, I know that those emotions are often uncomfortable to me, because I don't really understand them, and I feel a need to resolve it, because that is what I need when something bothers me, not necessarily because it is what they need.

As far as empathy, I see that they are upset, and approach it as I would approach something as if I was the one upset, regardless of the situation, it must be fixed. I don't understand people venting for the sole purpose of venting... I don't understand people not really wanting a problem resolved... I don't understand people telling me about the problem if they are not looking for a solution at all to begin with. I feel if it is important enough to be mentioned, it is important enough for them to feel a need for a solution so they will not feel that way anymore.

But that is not so. Since I take this approach, rather than the "typical" approach when one tells another about something distressing, I'm seen as cold and unempathic. In reality, my mind shifts focus into wanting them to feel better, so I start analyzing... my own way of being extremely empathic; fix it FOR THEM, so they will not feel bad anymore. Since that is what others are not seeking usually when they do express something to me, it never helps, and often they will no longer come to me for help, lol.

My boyfriend says I seem very emotionally flat most of the time. Since he looks for that reciprocity to what he is feeling, me looking for a solution doesn't appear to be much at all.

For instance, there are some stressers on our relationship due to the way I think. I never address them at the moment, really, and I never really express why I don't (when I do, it is a very "flat" affect, and stated matter of fact). But what is really going on, is I know that I can get some therapy to help with these things that he needs out of the relationship, but I do not have access to it at this moment. The fact that I'm willing to go to therapy to begin with, to me, shows a LOT of empathy. But the immediate response to him feels cold and uncaring. I know that I can't do anything about it right now, at the moment, so I don't worry about it at all, and I kind of just say "well, while I know it is frustrating for you, there is nothing I can do currently"... and I leave it at that. Meanwhile, he is looking for my reaction to what he has said and whatnot, and it appears that I'm blowing it off because I have no emotional response, in response to what he is feeling.

Sorry so wordy... does that make sense at all? lol, I am not quite sure I'm conveying it properly, in a way that would make sense to anyone but me, lol.