I don't belive anyone with AT/AS has gotten + stayed married

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There's none so blind as those who will not see.

If you still don't believe, why not do a WP survey....

maybe ask....

Status;

Married
Long-Term Defacto?
Unmarried
Too Young

Or you might have better criteria...
eg: Married and mostly happy / Married and mostly unhappy
or Married to NT / Married to Aspie / Married to other

I read a study once that said that 40% of aspergers/HFA males will get married. I researched this topic to get an insight on my son's future.

You say that you don't know what love is. Maybe you are too young or relationships really aren't a priority for you. Men do not get as emotionally invested in relationships, like women do. Many NTs don't love women or want to get married, or want to get married any time soon.

Are you leaving your girlfriends or are they leaving you?

Are married
or
Were married.

We can get married
can we stay married?

I am NT, and my (not officially diagnosed yet) Aspie husband and I have been married for 15 1/2 years. My best friend is also married to an Aspie, and has been married to him for 20 years. My mother-in-law married my (also not officially diagnosed) HFA father-in-law 41 years ago. I can't vouch for the happiness of my in-laws, but I can definitely say that my friend and I are very happy with our Aspies.

I can tell you what we liked about them, too. They were logical and interesting, and yet very kind when they understood that we had a need or want. I know that my husband has really spent some time "studying up" on how to make me happy, and makes sure he puts effort into doing the things that are most important to me.

My friend's husband accepts her unconditionally, and listens to her when she feels her worst. Most importantly, both of us were best friends with our husbands before we became romantically involved.

If you want to find a real mate, be a friend first.

Lets just say girls I like are about 100 times easier to ask out (thats all guts) but then to keep up with long-term relationship is the hardest thing to fake ever cuz a girlfriend is about 10 times more complicated then your average friend or best friend even, now imagine a AS person who can barely keep a tight knit group of friends TRYin to maintain a relationship with a girl who has all sorts of needs, yeah its pretty mcuh impossible they wanna talk on the phone an all these rules that even regular guys dont know about a AS person iN TODAYs world is so doomed in relationships its not even funny and i find this really hard to believe that 40% of AS/AT get married when social stuff is there problem an relationships are built almost entirely on social skills an communication one of the biggest difficulties of people who hve this

so yeah they do (NT) do end up ending it sadly they thought i was someone (NT) that im not and they soon find out the truth after a few weeks or so

yes there is girls who can be your friend and maybe into you more then youa re into them but those are not the ones i like to go after romantically anyway so that has not worked out going that route either

Not married yet but there are times where I've referred to my other half as my husband... woops!

Long-term relationship, very happy, he's an NT, I'm not...

My grandfather was an ASer and he was married to my Grandmother for 49 years until he died...

Don't know any others yet, though I do know 3 who I strongly suspect have AS who are in long-term relationships with NTs. Bear in mind I'm 21, so not really at that marriage age just yet!!

a lot of aspies have gotten married to NT's and stayed married.

Almost sounds to me as if you're pretending to be someone/something that you're not.

Be open with them and ask them to help you. Say "If I look like I'm not doing something I should be doing, sorry... please explain it to me". Do that when the relationship is good - not after. Write to them a lot because then you can re-read it a bit before you send it. Write yourself a list in a diary or something; Buy flowers, Complement, write a poem, have a heart-to-heart etc... Put a different thing to do every couple of days - it need not be expensive/tangible but having these things allocated to days will help you remember to do them.

There's no manual for men and women - although Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus comes really close - get it, read it, learn and practice. At least some of the issues you have are age and experience related rather than aspie (I think).

Evening ProtossX

Interesting that many are buying into the Romantic Love theory on this.
This seems a recent construct of the modern age which ignores the fact that life is hard and we just have to get through it. I have been with my wife for 26 years, in that time we have both experienced severe mental health problems and physical illness. We support each other as best we can, I am an aspie, she has her own demons of an experiential sort, our son has autism and a learning disability. We are a "unit" if you will that is self-supporting against the vagaries of the world.

I look into my wife's eyes and experience a depth of emotion I have with nobody else. I look into my son's eyes and weep with the joy that he brings. My wife accepts that i am a "funny f****r"; that I have obsessions and strange ways of being; I extend that compliment to her an those arund me.

Work hard at it and you may, if lucky, succeed. We have no right to good relationships.

I wish you well.

Peace

Tog

OP: they say that no one with autism gets married, barring some outliers here and there. Most with AS don't, obviously, many do when the whole AS population is counted (someone has to pass it on).

Stephen Shore's wife is NT, as far as I know...

It seems to be easier for ASD guys to marry women outside of their culture. Stephen's wife is Chinese. "Lord Alfred Henry" on YouTube is married to a Chinese woman also (from Taiwan, I think)... Also from YouTube, "Christschool"'s wife seems to be NT and they seem to have a good marriage. I think most Aspie professionals like professors or engineers are married, but I don't know how successful their marriages tend to be. I know one that has lasted over 20 years (between an engineer Aspie and an NT). Bill Gates' wife is probably NT...

But then there are different kinds of NTs. A woman who is NT but who's father or brother or cousin is autistic might be more familiar with the way the ASD mind works and be more flexible.

Maybe you do not like the right kind of girl. Some women are flirty or sexy, but they do not make for the best partners. You would be better off finding a woman who is into you and making an effort to like her back. Some of the best men, like the worst women.

By your picture, I assume that you're young. Dating is difficult for everyone. If you want to find a good girl, I'm sure you will. Don't give up. Best wishes. Stay positive.

I'm married. I got married in 1999 and still going strong.

We have separated twice in that time, but even when we did, we never stopped living together, we made plans to live apart, but we could never really, um, commit to it.

We have been back together now for about 3 or 4 years straight and all the troubles we had look to be far behind us now.

Marriage isn't easy, even for NT's. But we need not give up hope. I've found that my marriage has helpped me become a better person and being a better person has made into a better husband. Don't get me wrong, my wife has had to make some pretty big changes of her own, but we've both worked at it and we have a strong marriage as a result.

Don't give up.

I am AS, my wife of 7.5 years is also neurodivergent. We have the strongest marriage of anyone we know. We don't lie, assume, or judge each other, which seems to be the things that make marriages fall apart.

We have a literal and consentual(as in everything is a compromise, in a good way) peer relationship and it is wonderful.

Proof right in this post, so there original poster!

I'm dating an nt guy, surprisingly we've been together almost 2 years. I have classic autism, and tourettes, so i tic and stim like crazy, i really don't know how he can ever handles it, but my nt bf sticks by me. He eventually wants to get married, we're talking about engagement and everything. I think it is possible, yet rare, but very possible.