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Billard
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08 Feb 2008, 8:55 pm

Ok, truth in advertising: I don't have any communications problems, but I would like to offer some advice. Now, I'm a bit of a newcomer to this whole aspie/WP thing, so if I'm stepping in where I'm not welcome, please tell me.

I tend to be pretty quiet, too. There are a lot of days that go by where my conversation at work is not much more than 'Hi', "Thanks', etc. However, just like you guys, sometimes you just gotta speak, and if I've not talked in a while, it all comes out in a rush, or I'll start talking about what I've been thinking about for a while, and listening to me then is like trying to start reading a book in the middle. I try to watch that, but I think it happens to everyone.

First of all, you are all doing a good job communicating via a keyboard. I know that's different than when you are speaking to a person face to face, but remember that you all have shown a good ability to communicate -- in the right circumstances.

A suggestion I have would be to telephone another person here on WP that also has communication problems. Many telephone plans today have unlimited free long distance -- I know mine has. If you both have cordless phones, you could practice speaking with each other, while clarifying what you're trying to say and encouraging the other person and commenting on how they're doing via a chat session. You would not need to feel pressured or embarrassed, as both of you are dealing with the same issue. You also would not be face to face, so that might take some of the pressure off.

NTs and others often interpret silence as disapproval, or anger, or depression, or some other negative thought, because that's what would cause them to be quiet. You probably could get by saying a simple 'I'm ok' most of the time if you don't want to talk -- they're mostly checking to see if there is a problem.

Conversation is not my strong suit (I'm an aspie, too), but what most people really want to do is to talk about themselves. If you are not up to a conversation, you might try asking the other person to tell you something about themselves -- what is their favorite class/band/interest/place/whatever. All you would need to do for the next 15 minutes or so (a bit of a joke there) is to occasionally go Hmmm, or huh?

A person does not actually need to talk a lot to be a good conversationalist. You just need to listen or to look like you're listening, and occasionally make a sound to let them know you are still there, and the other person will keep on talking.


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tweety_fan
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08 Feb 2008, 8:57 pm

i don't talk very much cos i never feel i have anything to say.



ebec11
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08 Feb 2008, 9:04 pm

princesseli wrote:
Oh yeah I used to have a problem similar to that. In my case, I was shy and extremely hesitant. Socializing confused me beyond belief which is something Im now figuring out of why I didnt talk. I didnt really know how to smoothly get my way into the conversation. So I would mostly blab to my famiy. I dont nessarily say weird things, I just can be really blunt. Im much better now, it just took experiance and skill for me to be more comfortable with talking with people. I still have a lot a problems with communication, but I can just talk to people a lot more smoother I suppose.

Exactly like me!! !!



SeaBright
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08 Feb 2008, 9:40 pm

bear7699 wrote:
I think the reason that I am so quiet is not because I don't have anything to say. But I know that if I do just be myself and say what I feel like saying it will be too weird and piss people off, or it might sound childish. And that is why I don't talk a lot around people. The few words that I do say I can tell people look at me weird, so I don't keep saying stuff.

I am able to talk a lot around my family. But one day I observed my speaking habits with them, and I realized that they were very abnormal from the way other people converse. I think the only reason that they put up with me is because they are my family, and the only reason I speak freely around them is because I know that they will put up with me. I can always tell that they see me as weird and "misbehaved".

I used to think that everybody was just stupid, but now I realize that I am the problem.


Dude...I don't know how to tell you this....but I think you have Aspergers.


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natty
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09 Feb 2008, 7:12 am

i can really relate to what people have said in this thread. i have a real problem with conversations . on the telephone with freinds i never seem to know when to speak i dont know if its me or them but i always seem to clash and talk when they are about to talk or they talk when im about to talk. its really hard and very embarrasing.

the other thing is that i dont have any in person freinds because nothing much of interest happens in my life so i dont have anything to talk about and then when they talk i do my best to continue the conversation but i cant i dont know why i just never know what to say to keep a conversation going. plus it means i never call them or invite them over because i feel like a bad host because i just dont know what to do when they are here.

i find i have the same problem in chat with people in things like messenger i will say hi to someone they say hi back i ask them how they are then they ask how i am and then im torn between telling them how i am and what ive done during the day or just saying im fine , and then the conversation comes to a standstill unless the other person says something that i can comment on .
i also can never find the appropriate thing to say when someone says something or someone has died , its not that i dont care because i think i do or maybe i dont i just am aware that im supposed to.

but then on the other side of it i used to talk passionatly about some things, but when i did i couldnt tell if the people were interested or not so then id talk faster and faster and louder and louder until i ran out of energy , i also repeat myself alot , saying the same things but in different ways my partner hates it .
i started new medication about 6 months ago and for the most part i find i have absolutly nothing to say , its very strange and seems to have deleted all passion i had . however i did go crazy in the psychs office the other day, i could feel it happening but i was powerless to stop it .

all my conversations seem scripted i always reply to emails in the same way its very dull. and then of course i forget what i want to say ......



faithfilly
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10 Feb 2008, 8:21 am

Odin wrote:
I don't talk much because few pople like to listen to what I like to talk about.


A most excellent reason I must say! :wink:


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Metal_Man
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10 Feb 2008, 8:48 am

It is better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.


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10 Feb 2008, 12:13 pm

i tend to either

1) talk at the speed where only i can understand myself

2) know exactly what i am talking about but people never listen and join the conversation half way through only to tell me i am talkin nonsense

3) change my words then have a go at me about what they think i said



Odin
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10 Feb 2008, 12:22 pm

Metal_Man wrote:
It is better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.


So does that mean YOU are a fool and are staying quite quite to hide the fact? :lol: :wink:


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richardbenson
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10 Feb 2008, 1:30 pm

im usually unintresting when i talk unless its about things i enjoy in my life


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Metal_Man
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10 Feb 2008, 1:42 pm

Odin wrote:
Metal_Man wrote:
It is better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.


So does that mean YOU are a fool and are staying quite quite to hide the fact? :lol: :wink:

That is quite possibly true. As long as I keep my mouth shut it means no one will ever really know the truth.


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CrushedPentagon
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11 Feb 2008, 11:05 pm

bear7699 wrote:
I think the reason that I am so quiet is not because I don't have anything to say. But I know that if I do just be myself and say what I feel like saying it will be too weird and piss people off, or it might sound childish. And that is why I don't talk a lot around people. The few words that I do say I can tell people look at me weird, so I don't keep saying stuff.

I am able to talk a lot around my family. But one day I observed my speaking habits with them, and I realized that they were very abnormal from the way other people converse. I think the only reason that they put up with me is because they are my family, and the only reason I speak freely around them is because I know that they will put up with me. I can always tell that they see me as weird and "misbehaved".

I used to think that everybody was just stupid, but now I realize that I am the problem.


I was exactly like that as a kid. Also, everyone kept telling me I should talk more. Grrrr!

I'm much better now at that useless random talk that everybody does, at least for a little while. I'm not sure how I learned it. I guess I just grew out of the worst of it.



Baratos
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11 Feb 2008, 11:07 pm

Talking makes my throat and nose squeeze shut. I got some surgery but the problem hasnt really gone away.