Aspies, Rigid Thinking and Brain Development

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Here’s the background to my question: Aspies apparently have trouble with flexible thinking and can be rigid. I have recently observed this in my own son who is almost twelve (in sixth grade). One example was he observed an adult friend of ours do something which was mildly against the rules. Because he saw her do this, he says she can’t be trusted, that she shouldn’t be a delegate in our HOA association and he feels compelled to tell everyone (I advised him against this).

Another example is that he has suddenly become beset, to extreme meltdown, because he remembered I once (seven years ago) out of anger (at my husband, not him) tore a book. Because I tore a book (we all love to read in my family and value books), I was no longer his loving mother (not sure if he considers me that, anyway) but an “evil hag,” an evil old woman Evil Evil Evil. Why did he have to have someone like me as a mother.

What makes me sad (distraught, even, as I am in grief about my son right now) is not the book, but to see how rigid his thinking is, almost (in the case of the book) to the point of delusion. (He could not be talked out of his belief that I was evil with rational counterpoints or with empathy, etc.)

A NT child might have had a memory of seeing a parent or friend do something that was wrong, but also have been able to hold in his/her mind (or heart) all the love, the good things that person did. That type of child might have phrased it about my friend or myself, something like I know you do a lot of nice things for me but. . . or I know D is a pretty nice friend and basically a good person—but what she did was wrong and it bothers me.

Okay, almost to my question: When children get to about fifth grade, abstract thinking starts to kick in. I remember, for example, in sixth grade being utterly fascinated with that tree falls in a forest question. In fifth grade, I could almost literally feel my brain expand and I was even a bit cocky about it.
Question: Do some of you remember when you had your own fifth, sixth, seventh grade developmental brain spurt—that jump into abstract thinking? I have read on this site other parents talking about how their kids kind of hit the wall when they reached about this age (of twelve) in terms of their coping skills or keeping up with others. Do Aspies have trouble or not make that jump into abstract thinking? I very much want my son to have the kind of brain which can go at problems from many different angles.

When I read the posts on this site, I see much creativity, and humor as well as intelligence. Some of the older Aspies (ugh, I hate that word) seem so high functioning, empathic and also like they are managing the challenges of life impressively well, considering the additional burden of AS. I hope my son can do as well as some of you when he grows up.
Scribe

First, allow me to say that this was an excellent question and several relevant responses have addressed the question nicely. I would like to make an observation in that rigid thinking does not necessarily eliminate abstract thought. I don't claim to know the entirity of your situation but not accepting someone who has proven to be dishonest does not mean that one is not engaging in abstract thought. Either one lied or told the truth; other scenarios would lend to abstractions.

Note: I will be gone from Wrong Planet for about a week to engage in a spirited campaign with some earthlings. When I return, I will consider starting a thread called "Parents, Confused Thinking and Brain Development."