Aspies: Would you/do you have children?

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I have 4 wonderful little boys. When I was about 12 I decided that i wanted to be a wife/mother when I "grew up".

I don't know that I have AS, but at least have some indicators toward it. I would be a very mild case, I believe.

My oldest is diagnosed AS.

Being a parent might be something I might enjoy, my dad has always told me that he's so happy to have me, always at his side, very proud of the choices I made in life. We help each other out and he's always supported me with my aspergers in my life, he says that I can become a fine parent, since I'm so gentle and watchful. When I came to live with him and to take care of my sickly father, I think I can understand how much he loves me and believes in me.

I think about how challenging and how happy he must of felt to of raised me, I would love to live that kind of life he had and have a child to love and look atfer, teach him, support him/her with whatever goals he/she has, helping out with problems.

AS doesn't have a whole lot to do with it (although I will say that if I had a daughter... I'd really rather her NOT be NT... I can't stand NT little/teenage girls but I'll get to that in a second). I don't really like kids (there. I got to that). I also hate the idea of being pregnant. It freaks me out. It bothers me so much that if I wasn't so sure I'd be an eternal virgin, I'd get sterilized.

So no kids for me.

No two people on the spectrum are the same so the chances of any child you might have of having similar life expereinces or outward traits is almost nil.

Having a child isn't something you should rush into.
If you do, you must be aware of what you are doing and any possibilities.

well, i went and had two kids before i knew i had AS. and i'm glad i did. now that i know i can be more aware of both how it affects my parenting and of any AS traits in my kids. my problems growing up stemmed not so much from my AS as from no one knowing about it and helping me. now i know. i can plan. i can practice. i can watch my girls interact. i can tell my 6yo that when her friend talks to her she shouldn't just ignore her, even though she is doing her work. (she's in montessori school so talking is not absolutely prohibited.)

i can watch for my lack of empathy and try to compensate, even if i'm faking it. in some ways it works as an advantage. their whining and temper tantrums don't get to me in the least. but i have to remember to cut them some slack when they're sick or upset about something, etc..

and maybe it's because i'm female, but i do have a connection with them that i can't have with any other person. i could handle them sleeping on me when i usually can't have anyone or anything touching me when i sleep. i can hug and kiss and love on them, when it's awkward with anyone else.

i don't see myself as defective, just different. if my kids have AS, they have AS. there are NTs who had miserable childhoods too. i think we all vow to do things differently than our parents. and i'm sure our kids will do the same. you do the best you can. so far my kids seem to be doing darn well and i wouldn't trade them for the world.

i agree, but i also think that if people thought and i mean really thought about this very few would actually end up having children. i think there has to be some spontaneous part to it as having a child is insane in its own right if you ask me.

Why not have children if you have Asperger's?

iam a mum and i have AS. My son does not have AS and seems fine wtih social skills and has just been selected for a gifted and talented program at his school.

He knows i have AS. the funny thing is, I hate physical contact, - i hate being touched and i don't like being hugged, but for some reason i can hack it all with my son. It is as if the maternal instinct has overridden some of the AS stuff.ONLY with him. The older he gets the easier i find relating with him. The first year i found to be incredibly difficult. Almost unbearable actually - to have a small little person need me that much and require so much proximity. Luckily his father is incredible as a dad, so any deficits are made up by his incredible paternal commitment. (I cannot imagine how it would be if his father were not such a good dad to him.)

I had my child before i had the label AS and before being dx'ed. I am glad i am a parent. I have no regrets.

My son is also well adjusted, intelligent and very cool. he is just great. He is phenomenally intelligent and also kind and insightful.

I watch a lot of tv wtih him. I struggle with palying games with him, but we read factual books and he likes those more than fiction anyway. Luckily, his father plays with him - physical games and also intellectual games - cards, chess and the like (all of which i find painful because i have to sit with others in an intense group.)

I also think it depends on how your AS traits actually manifest, in terms of what type of AS parent you are. THere is great variation. ANd then there is personality input as well.


It is a challenge, but i wouldn't swap it for the world. My son loves me and i love him very much. I have learned to tell him this very often so he is aware that i do. and although i am not a typical mum, I am still a good one.

Woah!
i do not consider my genes contaminated!
I LIKE having AS and wouldn't want to change it. And I am a fascinating mum. I also get on really well with my son's friends (Better than i get on wtih the parents,) because i am eccentric and do all this weird creative aspie stuff wtih them that most other 46 year old mums just do not do.

Its not contaminated, and i wouldnt want my children to have a fate where they drool over hearing wjat celebrity is do what with what ever celebrity

i dont know if it would be right for me to have kids 1 day because i do have aspergers and my experiences growing up(still growing up!) were very very hard, i have to deal with major anxiety everytime i go out and its so hard and discouraging. but everytime i come on here and see another diagnosed person with aspergers thats in a relationship and has children it gives me hope that maybe i could do it too someday.

I didn't know I had AS when my GF got pregnant. My daughter is now 23 and serving with the Navy. She's doing well, having married a young man she meant when she first joined the service. I can't say I was the best dad, but somehow I did pretty good. There were very difficult times, but those are behind us now.

I hate children. Most of them, correction. Once in a very big while I see a (small) child I like. I hate small children most. I definetely wouldn't like to spend the required huge amount of time on him or her, and no money or room. I dislike the idea of having a child, it is one of my worst nightmares (really).

I wouldn't be a good mother either. I wouldn't care enough, I would be easily angry at it, I wouldn't love enough, I wouldn't be interested enough.

Dying alone can't be undo as well...

I always swore I'd never have kids. I never knew how to act around kids, and was terrified at the idea of being pregnant and giving birth.

Then I married my husband, and was so comfortable with him, it just seemed the thing to do. I have to say, though, that at that point in my life, I had no clue about me having AS. (In fact, even that isn't official). I knew I had always felt a little strange around people, and that I had had the bad luck to have been stuck with a string of job situations in which I felt bizarrely out of place. I hadn't worked out that there was something inherently different about me. I don't think my husband would qualify for an AS diagnosis, because he functions quite well socially, but he's aspie enough that we understand each other.

So, after a year of marriage, we decided to have a kid. He does have an AS diagnosis, but we didn't see any signs of anything to worry about until he was 3.5, and by that time, his little brother was on the way. They are great kids, and I love having them in my life. I wouldn't "undo" anything, if it meant having to give them up.

If, however, I had no kids at this point, and understood myself and the world as I do now, I might choose a different path, but mostly because of overpopulation. Of course, it was through motherhood that I have learned about AS and myself. (If I had known what pregnancy and childbirth would do to my body, I'd definitely choose no kids, because that really did a number on me.)