KazigluBey wrote:
benjimanbreeg wrote:
I'm nice to people and help them, but they treat me with no respect.
Mistake # 1 - Doing things and expecting respect as opposed to doing things that are right simply because it's the right thing to do.
Quote:
Why do people keep letting me down, when I try so hard to please them.
Mistake # 2 - Attempting to please others
I totally agree with the OP but this guy nailed it. We don't do nice things for others so we will be treated better. Although that is one reason we
might think we do it..We do nice things for others
so we can live with ourselves... And we might get revenge for the same reason...so we can live with ourselves.
It also helps to be pragmatic. If everyone wants to call it cynicism, ok. Doesn't matter what you call it.
Other people are
not nice for the same reason you are nice.
They want something from you . If they didn't want something from you, they would ignore you. That's how more than 99% of NTs are, and that's how more than 75% of us on the spectrum are. Remember the pecking order. NTs live, breathe and die for the pecking order. Once they peg you at the bottom..well.....you know what happens next.....doormat time.
My suggestion is to convey
clear intent toward others. No one can tell you exactly how to do that. But once you are very clear in your own mind it will come across.. Clear intent specifically means: setting
boundaries.
Let people know you're willing to be friendly and courteous toward them but not much more. You are
not willing under any circumstances to honor the pecking order rules [primarily because they conflict with your personal value system].
Above all you will not be anyone's doormat.. If you remain consistent and clear....your position will be accurately reflected and conveyed in your body language.
NTs love clear intent. If you can pull it off you will earn their respect, as well as a much higher position in the pecking order.
22 Jan 2009, 12:29 pm
