Depressed After Aspie Meeting

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When I went to the local support group before I moved to another city, I was fairly shocked at the assembly of others supposedly like me. I had the grace to wonder if I looked like that to others, and after a while, even though it belted me a good one in my ego, I started to see my own idiocyncracies mirrored in some of their behaviour. (shudder) That was difficult to deal with. I started to wonder what else I was mistaken about.

There were two doctors there, both Aspies (one that went through hell at the Mayo clinic before Asperger's became a diagnosable condition) and an entrepreneur that did all the Astrology calculations for his own sizeable calendar and almanac company. There was an Aspie that was married with children that later drank a quart of transmission fluid to die (!) but didn't and was on life support. I met another man that was very loud and verbal and talked incessently about his 90 mile trip to the gathering. Once a nervous mother brought her 19 year old son that crocheted a full sized muffler in the time (an hour and a half) of the meeting. He never came back, I could see in his eyes he didn't want to see us older people in his future, and I was feeling pretty much like him.

I kept going because there was only one other woman there, and there hadn't been another oen before me, and there hasn't been another one since. I couldn't stand it, frankly.

I'm sorry if you were there and reading this. I was seriously freaked. Sorry.

Merle

I agree. A more informal meetup event is better. After all, we are adults. We dont need someone holding our hands!

That's a really cool way to meet. I've always thought the best relationships occured by weird chance meetings and not from people trying overly hard to find someone. What I mean is people who think they will met a soulmate in a personal ad or they go to a church for the sole purpose of finding a mate instead of going for spiritual reasons. I think when we are ready, if we are ever ready, then we will just cross paths with the right person and it will be at some weird place that you least expect to met someone at like maybe the grocery store or dentist office. My friends that have good relationships have all met under unusual circumstances and not the stereotypical school, church or work locations.

I am in a similar position. I dont know what to do about it. Perhaps just hang out with younger and younger people until eventually I find myself a 50 year old woman falling out of pubs.

you and me, both! I realize I have passed the 'cougar' status, and have gone directly to the 'sabre tooth tiger' realm!

Merle

I thought I was the only one worried about this. I mean all my friends are much older. Like in their late 50's and 60's and I'm 39. Ok I do have one friend who is 43 but she has serious medical problems and hasn't felt well enough to meet up in past few months. One friend is a former neighbor and even though she moved to another rental place we still keep in touch, go out to eat maybe once a month. The others I've met at the water aerobics class I attend which is all old ladies (and me) because its for people with arthritis. Then I made a chance friendship with a lady that worked at my bank, who of course is 63 but she moved away like two months later so we email occasionally. I worry what am I going to do when all my old friends die and my family dies so I think I need to find some young friends. But how? I think I should make friends of those in their 20's but how because those young college students would find me a boring old fart no doubt plus college students are naturally super busy between classes, studying, working and dating. No time for outside of school friends. I only know one friend in their 30's. I swear its strange how there seems to be a shortage of 30-somethings like we were a small generation.

I try to be friendly with my younger neighbors, but they don't seem interested in me. I am interested in gaming like several of the guys are but they seem to think I am the eccentric cat lady type. Well I am I guess except I have just one cat.

I thought I should go back to the rock collecting group I used to be a part of. But guess what they were all senior citizens except for me.

Well that's the thing. Society is changing, and I think things will become better for people who are single, or couples who dont have children. There will be more around to entertain them (us) than there is now.

Yeah I think it is the Bridget Jones Syndrome. Either you're doing the marriage and kids thing or you are sort of scratching your head wondering what to do. I have a boyfriend, but I am not sure if I see myself settling down in the suburbs of this city, it seems like a nice place for parents, kids and the elderly.. but there's not a hell of a lot for me here!

Personally, I don't think it's possible for a person with an ASD to feel like they belong to a group of people (whether it's people with the same disorder or not); deficits in empathy, no matter how "mild" (as long as it's greater than the normal population), and you'll feel disconnected from people to some extent or another.

This ties in with the feeling that you're different; I've found that many people with an ASD have felt different to those around them their whole lives.

(I don't feel different, I feel like I'm the only person actually alive, but that's beside the point.)

No worries... I didn't think you were yelling at me. Actually I think we pretty much agree on this one. I seriously don't think AS is a mental illness. I don't care what the DSM says. Now some Aspies may have a comorbid condition as depression but its the depression that is the mental illness not Aspergers. Just like I don't see ADD or ADHD or Mathematics Disorder as mental illness either. I really worry though with the DSM 5 what they are going to do with Aspergers as they seem hard pressed into tampering with the diagnosis probably because there are so many of us and more being born daily that state & federal monies become a concern.

As for attending NAMI I think it would do me more harm to be around people much worse than myself. I should probably find something else to join like a book club where I would be around intellectuals.

I mentioned the possible DSM 5 change and you won't believe what my therapist said. She said well we can always change your diagnosis to something that will help you get services if they take Aspergers off the autism spectrum. In my book they call that lying. Makes you wonder about these so called professionals!

I have tried so hard to fit in most of my life, so when I went to my first all aspie group meeting I was hopeful - but it felt like some shameful secret society to me and we sat in a circle and you had to introduce yourself, it made me feel like there was some think wrong with me, I want back quite a few times and even joined there committee, a disaster for me my mind floods with ideas none stop and others seem to be in slow motion and I found it hard to listen.. in the end I stepped down and very rarely go, yes we are all different and for myself I prefer events rather than meetings, just not my sort of thing and the thought of regularly meetings just stresses me, puts my routine out. Meeting new people who ever they are for me is stressful on or off the autism spectrum, my life works as it is, I am married, have children and these days much more of a home bug, my reality, my space... happier that way and guess will continue to be a global cyber space trotter

I also went to one Aspie meeting and felt strangely out of place.
I am a 52yo male and the other attendees were much younger.
There was one older person there but he seemed to have LF Aspergers.

Where in the DSM criteria does is say AS is a mental illness?


Even my own mother says I'm not sick.

Good point.

People who don't feel that they need help don't usually go looking for it.

I only began posting on this site because I was feeling depressed and talked to a counselor. Had everything in my life been manageable and my past issues hadn't resurfaced, I probably wouldn't have been looking for a site like this and that's the honest truth.

I can think of several people I've known who meet many of the AS criteria who are either:

-Blissfully unaware that AS exists

-Are highly successful and competent at their technical professions

-Don't chat, only lecture

-Use limited subtle facial expressions/voice intonation

-Very lucky with their situation

-Have their colleagues and associates respect them for the job they do rather than their social prowess/appreciated for their uniqueness or creativity


I've become/been jolly close to being like one of these people.

Differently abled, yes.
But, disabled?
I don't think they'd think so.
I think some of them would be very offended if anyone made that suggestion.

This doesn't however mean that these people don't sometimes suffer unwittingly in relationships and other areas of life.

There is also the possibility that some have been assessed for AS and just keep quiet about it with good reason. Perhaps they feel that revealing their AS would be professional and social "suicide". They might feel that this would probably taint the brilliant and capable image that they've managed to present the world for years.

As did I; which I remarked to my wife about. She thought it was a good experience for me in that it may have just made me more self-aware.

I feel the same way about this group. In some ways, I feel I'm more ahead than some people, but I feel I'm leap years behind others. I've never been diagnosed, it's just something I've seriously contemplated & researched since a therapist told me she thought I had Asperger's a year ago. I truly believe I do, but since I've joined this group, I've seen things that I both completely relate to & that are completely foreign to me. It affects different people in different ways, & for me, I sometimes feel alone, even in this group, even though I'm pretty certain I have AS.