Paddling a child with AS Corporal punishment

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Sapre the rod, spoil the child.

Everything posted is just anecdotal evidence. Just because your parents hit you and you "turned out fine" doesn't mean that hitting is O.K. One does not automatically equal the other.

Striking anyone is wrong. If you walked up to a stranger on the street and treated them that way, you'd be looking at an assault charge. Why? Because its wrong. But somehow people think its seriously okay to do that to their kids just because they gave birth to them? Just like we used to treat animals and slaves. Hit 'em to make 'em behave! Smack 'em when they disobey! We really haven't evolved much have we... No amount of wifi and prefabricated houses can change the fact that we're still stuck in the past where we believe we own our children and have the right to abuse them.

No matter how cutesy you word it, spank, swat, tap, slap, switch, bop, pop, hit,... its ALL hitting. Plain and simple. Words word wonders. Its very possible to teach children using words alone.

Some people nowadays treat animals better than they treat their children. Funny how we learned to treat animals better and we've grasped that simple concept... hurting those furry animals we love is wrong. But we haven't been able to translate that to our own flesh and blood we birthed..

And yes, I do understand the situation. I have four children, one of them on the spectrum as well.. and I don't use corporal punishment.

hitting a child with autism is the same as hitting an NT child.

i was spanked as a kid as well. it was a last resort punishment. time out was used more often.

actually, no. Pedophiles don't like harming children...given they see them as people to be protected, not harmed...you should be attacking those who claim beating the s**t out of your children (erm...."chastisement" or "spanking" lolol) is somehow 'punishment'

This reminds me of when my family moved down to Georgia in the early 90's my mom almost enrolled me in a school that used paddling as a punishment. The rules for that were that the school would call the parents and ask if they wanted to administer the paddling. If they didn't then the principal would. My mom, however, opted to not put me in that school since she said my ADD and AS would have gotten me into too much trouble at such a strict school (and she didn't want me getting paddled that often). However, considering how bad my public schooling went for the next six years (had to endure some severe bullying through 2nd-7th grade) I can't help but wonder if I actually would have been better off at such a strict school. Sure I'd probably have gotten my butt whooped on a daily basis, but would have been a helluva lot better than the hell my peers put me through.

But yeah, I grew up in the south so I got a lot of corporal punishment as a kid (more than just spankings I might add). I wouldn't say it was abuse though. My mom was good at knowing when I was misbehaving and should have known better and when my misbehavior was a result of my AS, ADD, OCD, etc.

[quote="] My mom was good at knowing when I was misbehaving and should have known better and when my misbehavior was a result of my AS, ADD, OCD, etc.[/quote]

You are lucky my mum did not know this and accused me of being badly behaved a lot and just smacking me for it. TBH it is one of the reasons I am so against it.

I was like a dog. Dogs hate getting yelled at so they learn what behavior causes their humans to raise their voice at them so they stop doing X. They also hate getting hit too so they learn X causes the hitting. So yelling at me and hitting me got me to stop doing things. It didn't work the first time but when I kept getting the same punishments over and over, I stopped doing X because I didn't want to get yelled at or hit. My mind worked like a dog. So I was basically trained instead of taught. I was like an human animal in the house. Wait, we're all animals.

Time outs also got to me too and taking things away. I had to see the pattern. I used to jump on my bed and I would get in trouble. I didn't understand why I couldn't do it. But after getting punished every time, I figured out the pattern and the pattern was, jump on the bed, get punishment. So I only did it when my mom be out of the house. My dad didn't care. Sure he tell my brothers and I to stop but there was no action so we kept on doing it. He didn't hit us or punish us. He yelled but that was nothing for me. I didn't take him seriously because I was used to mom doing the work, not him. Well that's what happens when you don't punish your kids from a very young age, they won't take you seriously when they are older when you do decide to start punishing them. My mother also had to tell me "Don't do X. Not today not tomorrow, not the next day, not the day after that, never." Because telling me not to do X, I didn't know it meant "not ever again."

I also couldn't understand why I couldn't play with the cushions from the couch so I learned to do it when Mom is not home because she couldn't punish me then, no yelling, no hitting, no being sent to my room, etc. Dad didn't care if my brother and I did it.

Yes even I broke rules behind my mother's back like a typical child. All kids break them and try to get away with them. They will wait till the grown up isn't around to do it. That's how smart we are. I just learned Mom's rules and Dad's rules. Dad rules took place when mom be gone.


My mother had to use my weakness to teach me to listen. My weaknesses are, threats, yelling, taking my things away, hitting, grounding. She used those. Things she didn't want me to do in my childhood that never made sense, some of them make sense now such as why she didn't want me playing with the cushions, they get all dirty. Why she didn't want me to wear the same clothes to school the same week or everyday, she didn't want me to get bullied for it. Something that still doesn't make sense is, why didn't she want me to wear my Barbie heads in my panties when I was 5 years old. She couldn't get me to stop because it didn't make any sense why I couldn't do it. She kept yelling at me. I would do it again later. It was harmless so why didn't she want me doing it? It wasn't hurting me or anyone else, they were my dolls.

I also didn't understand why didn't she want me peeing in my playhouse, it wasn't hurting anyone or me. It was real hard for her to get me to stop, she kept yelling at me and I still do it, I just did it when she wasn't home, I would close all the windows in my playhouse and to this day I still don't know how she what when I pulled my pants down in there to go. Did she see through the cracks of the playhouse windows? Maybe. That's the only logical explanation I can think of. It became a ritual for me, I couldn't stop. I had to do it. I felt I had to go out there and felt uncomfortable using the bathroom to go. Then in my adulthood I asked her why was it such a problem for me to do that and her response was "It was unsanitary. It smelled." But it was my playhouse. I guess she didn't want people to smell it and the neighbors.

Okay so I'm guilty of not listening to my own mother, especially when she yell at me. I just tried the typical kid thing, sneaking, doing it when she wasn't home or around.

eMedicine says typical behavioural techniques, including hitting, don't work with people/children with an ASD.

Well said, Dragonfly.

Many parents see the family as a pecking order where those above can do as they please to those below. They see their kids as helplessly below, because the kids are more dependent on the parents for survival than the parents on the kids. They're stupid enough to forget that one day it'll be the other way round: they'll be more dependent on their kids than their kids will be on them. And their kids will abuse them back, will give as were given. This is what happened in our family. Our parents made us feel the full force of the pecking order, constantly reminding us that we were living in their house and had to shut up and endure till we were the owners of our own houses. Now my parents are old and very, very sick, and my siblings are nowhere to be found. They're too busy enjoying full rights in their own houses.

Kids learn what you do, not what you say. However you "punish" your kids, they'll "punish" YOU at some point. But many people like to live in denial that it will happen to them.

I wouldn't abuse my parents back, I understand only parents can do that to kids, kids can't do it to grown ups. Sure I was hitting other kids because I had learned when people make you mad, you hit them, when people don't listen to you, you hit them, if you don't like what someone says to you, you hit them. I was ten when my mother finally told me only parents can to that to their kids, kids can't do that. I bet that explained to her why I was treating my brothers like my children and why I was hitting other kids over the years. But I didn't do it in school because hitting wasn't allowed in school so I only did it at home.

It's not like my parents starved me or beat me or made me sleep under the sink, fed me ammonia, locked me in a bathroom mixed with clorox and ammonia, burning me on a gas stove. So the punishments I got from my mother is trivia. I am grateful what she did to me. I know she was a good mother. It be very sad if I held grudges against for for all she has done for me to help me get this far. Only spoiled brats would hold grudges for normal punishments they got.

Yeah, it is good that you are not bitter.

No my study of psychology with paedophiles is that they are the most abusive and sadistic to children. Maybe not when they are sexual or aroused - in all other ways they are.

I think Greentea was mostly referring to really strict parents. The ones who view and treat their kids more like pets or slaves than people. Spend some time on the Yahoo! Answers "pregnancy & parenting" board and you'll see examples of the kind of parents I'm talking about (in short the difference is between "how do I get my kid to behave better?" and "how do I get my kid to obey me better?"). I'd agree with greentea for the most part as well. I've seen kids at college who come from strict households and they definitely hold some grudges, if not outright hate their parents. Kids who got raised by more level headed parents though never seem to mind going back home.

Last time my DD stayed with me I totally spat it. I said "f**k off you little b***h - I hate you" and I locked her outside.
Then she went into a rage 4pm in the morning telling me she hates me smashing up something, waking up the neighbours. Then when she came inside in about an hour we both calmed down. I said "I'm sorry I didn't mean that."

She drives crazy because she will not go to bed and I said "don't ever come back here. I don't want you."

Oh okay.

When I lived in Washington, there were parents who hardly spent time with their kids and let them run wild. Didn't do their jobs and I envied them then. Now I'm grateful for the mother I had. She didn't let me run wild and be a bully to other kids and I was disciplined. Those kids didn't go anywhere because their parents didn't take them to places and mine did. They also got in trouble a lot at school because they couldn't follow the rules. my mother told me all that stuff. One of my friend's families went to Lake Tahoe every year and they leave their kids cooped up in the condo while they go out and gamble. When my parents took us kids there, we did stuff together. Those other kids didn't get that.

My brothers and I were the lucky ones and those other kids weren't. We were even allowed in every room in the house and they weren't. Two of my friends would get locked out of their house because their grandparents didn't want them around so they go to friend's houses and see if they could play and hang out there. If none of them weren't around, I was the last person to try. They were both cousins and they lived with their parents and their grandparents in one house. There was this one father who locked his 13 year old boy out of his house for the whole weekend because he did something that made him mad. I was shocked at that story when my mother told it to me in my teens. I was 5 or 6 when it happened. He stayed at a friend's house and didn't come home for a week instead. All the parents on the block thought it was a wonderful punishment and my mother thought it was abusive and neglected. He was 13. What is a 13 year old going to do on their own? They can't even support themselves because they don't have a job or have anywhere else to go. The guy didn't even bother to talk to his son about his mistake and explain to him why it was wrong. My mom said most kids would have ran away thinking they are unwanted and unloved and the parents were lucky he did come home.


Now everyone can see why I am for discipline. I grew up with kids undisciplined so they were bullies and picked on me. They were allowed to be jerks and their parents did nothing about it. One of our neighbors had problems with those kids too and parents not doing their jobs so they moved. Their son was confused by how he was supposed to act and he was picking up on the other kid's behaviors. the family still lived in the same city but they moved to another neighborhood and their son continued going to our school until the new elementary school in their neighborhood opened.

Positive Discipline
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