Things one must say

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I think I am probably somewhat the same... except my strategy is based around being quiet and very reserved around new people as I analyze them. If I feel that they would be generally nice/enjoyable people I open up and use almost strictly humor... which works very well... except that I'm generally viewed as an extremely odd guy. Which is sort of obvious, even to myself.

Thing is... I rarely talk much outside of forcing myself to go out on weekends in attempts to meet girls. The rest of my talking is usually online on MSN or AIM. And I guess I never really even thought about a lot of these things. This topic caught me pretty off guard.

Well, one way to be sure is they've been saying "we two should meet, let's keep in touch!" for 20 years and not once agreed to a suggestion from you to meet or suggested it themselves.

Unfortunately, most DO expect you to read their mind. At least, that´s been my experience. I think many men expect women to be totally intuitive, empathic and psychic...(do I sound cynical here?) And based on what I´ve read about female NTs in relationships with AS men, I think it´s the same...although, I think women have the tendency to talk things out more. With men, it´s all guesswork.

If I have interpreted this thread correctly, it´s about a kind of "polite" doublespeak that people use. Many of the expressions do seem to have a universal meaning- (to answer NTstanch´s question)- at least most of the time, though sometimes they can be taken literally. In other words, when you know the "code", you can understand what´s actually being said; hence, people do sometimes say the opposite of what they mean, because they don´t want to come right out and say it. In intimate relationships, people drop hints and hope their partner will pick up on them. In this way, they don´t feel like they´re pressuring their partner, but that it´s coming from their partner´s own volition. (I read a book lately about conversational styles...you would be amazed at how much people want, and expect others to know intuitively what they mean)!

Oh, I finally thought of one-

"I agree with you" means one of two things:

1) I don´t agree with you, but I´m just acting socially polite (making you feel better)

2) I agree with you for now, but as soon as someone else comes along with a different opinion, I´m going to be influenced by them and not support you anymore

I had never noticed that one...

It doesn´t always happen- sometimes it is meant genuinely. But sometimes, I´ve noticed people only agree with me in the moment, but later, they are influenced by other people and change their minds. It might be some kind of empathy, or desire to go with the group.

Yes, when you mentioned it I realized it happens quite a lot.

A favorite of mine are phrases like "undoubtedly" or "surely", which are pretty much only used when there is some uncertainty.

Once, my wife told me she didn't want anything for christmas so i didn't get her anything. Man was that bad. Plus, everyone I told the story to thought I was an idiot.

You do know that these things don't always apply. Sometimes people say what they mean. Sometimes people try to say something that sounds better. Sometimes people say the complete opposite of what they mean, but unless they are using sarcasm, I'd say that's their own problem if anyone (AS or not) just does what they say. It would be a very bad idea to take all these things to be universally true. That's what is so difficult!

Greentea, here is my own double-meaning word..

"I really do understand you and, wish to be your friend." =
I found it hard to figure you out as a person and your way to high maintenance for me.



ProfessorX

It can also mean

3) "Is this person ever going to shut up? I guess i'll say that i agree with him/her so we can move on to something else".

This does not clearly say if they agree/disagree with you, they are just tired of talking about that subject. A friend told me that he used it regularly on boring people, including me when i cannot stop talking

I prefer to be honest and say: "Lets change the subject, i do not want to talk about this anymore".

Thanks for clarifying that....