How was life pre Aspergers?

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It was like living in a haze, confused by yourself and everything around you while trying to carve a path ahead of me.
I didn't understand why I was so different, didn't understand why things that made other people happy didn't make me so.
I tried to learn things from others, but they didn't work for me.
In short, it sucked.

before I knew what my "differences" were, I just thought that I was defective, and a horrilbe person. that I had no future, direction or reason. I felt like I was the only one that thought the way I did. It is nice to finally have others to chat with that know exactly what I am trying to say, becasue they are or have been through it too. I no longer feel like NO one understands me. I now allow myself to do my self calming methods(stimming) without feeling as awkward. I now can accept myself as a whole person, not missing something or defective, just different, and I can accomplish thinggs, it will just be that I do it differently.

My life for the most part was utter hell before it. I couldn't make friends, and didn't know why. My family didn't like me either.

My childhood was disaster central: as I told my Dad "basically, every week, I had to suffer thru 5 days of torment at school, then enjoy Saturday mornings, and HOPE we'd go to the mall on Saturday evenings, so I could buy a toy...and that was it for my week; that one thing was gonna make my week. It's all I had to look forward to, back then. and if we didn't go anywhere, I spent my entire afternoon calling up all the kids from school asking if they wanted to play; care to guess how that went?

They got me tested a few times, though my Dad doesn't remember it, and I can tell you the people who tested me were getting very impatient with me.

the Child STudy Team had to be called in several times during my school-age period, and the hit me with ADHD, but that was it; still really no one knew Autism.

If you hadn't guessed, I wasn't really a hit with the ladies, either. I had one girlfriend at that time, but it was when I was very, very young; things ended with her early in my teens.

Thankfully, I had my best( and at the time only) friend since the age of 8. He was the one who woke me up to my surroundings; and it was at that point I collapsed into a very severe depression that took me years to shoot out from. And btw, HE'S the guy who recently forsaked me, no longer able to deal with the peer pressure; I kinda feel bad for him though....very sociable and likable guy.

And even after all that, it would still several years before I found out I was Autistic! Well, ok...I found out in '01...but again, information was severely limited back then, so I just trotted on with my life. My life wouldn't start to improve until about 6 years ago--ironically around the time we lost my mother to a heart attack.

It was, again, about a year and a half ago- 2 years ago, where I really learned about my AS/Autism, and now the world makes sense to me like it never did.

I also now have severe contempt for humanity, but what'cha gonna do?