People arguing with you about something when they are wrong

Page 4 of 5 [ 65 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

granatelli
Deinonychus

Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 308

17 Feb 2010, 10:27 am

Good post.

Sound wrote:

There's elements spread throughout this thread that I find incredibly distressing.

A) The over-exalted importance of simply being correct in a disagreement,
B) The labeling of people as either smart or stupid based on what is usually not significant in a practical sense,
C) The willingness to inevitably impose a negative and stressful mood on what is non-significant,
D) The frustration towards individuals insightful enough to know when to eject from a downward spiraling discussion.
E) The reluctance to give proper consideration of one's own fallibility,
F) The inability to recognize the existing merits of going along with broader social consensus, even when it's sub-optimal or inaccurate,
G) The overlooking of how often even the 'smartest' people make mistakes(it's very easy to overlook or be unaware of the simple day-to-day fact errors)
H) The willingness to let one's emotions get the better of them over something minor,
I) .... Forgot what else.
J) The above items not being realized.

My first impulse was marvelling at the utter lack of objectivity happening. But then I realized the odd way in which the idea of objectivity is, itself, objective. But anyways.

Perhaps I'm lucky in having developed the ability to follow through with this, but: As a person who revels in calm, exploratory argument, I've found that some debates have times where they should simply end, even without resolution, even when 'they're wrong.' If a debate lasts long enough, and if the participants are sure enough of themselves, it is almost certain that it will become emotional, no matter how insignificant the topic. Being accurate is cool and all, but sometimes the fight for that accuracy can ruin someone's day, even yours. Weigh those two outcomes, case by case.
Correcting an error(that might not actually be an error at all) sometimes just doesn't help anything in a practical manner.

I can get kinda uppity about jingoistic judgments, so I apologize if I come off as judgmental myself.

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,317
Location: Pacific Northwest

17 Feb 2010, 1:20 pm

justMax wrote:

I make a point to check my sources, regularly correct errors in my knowledge, and do my best to further my understanding of any subject I may be discussing with someone else.

...

Why can't everyone else do that?

Yes, I am terrible at letting something go when I know someone is stating an incorrect version of a knowable fact... though it annoys many, as I point out: 'I'd rather be right than popular.'

That's my road block there. It annoys me so much, I feel like screaming I want to strangle the person so all I can do is I get insulting (if I lose it) and not speak to them. If it's my own husband, uh oh but he stops luckily because he doesn't like to get me upset. I am sure I have thrown insults at him. Wait, I've called him stupid and then I apologize. I've said things like "Stop being stupid" and "I don't need a stupid husband." I don't like it because I know how it makes me feel when people call me names but come on if you are wrong about something and don't listen, that's being stupid. I make sure I don't do that myself because I don't want to be stupid. If I was stupid, I say I was. Everyone's stupid sometimes but lot of of them have too much pride to admit it.

I unblocked my buddy just now because I got over it but she had rubbed it in my face is what so I hit the block button. Who cares what she thinks, let her be wrong and foolish. But I better not hear about that again from her. It's best to avoid subjects where it will bring out strong feelings.

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,317
Location: Pacific Northwest

17 Feb 2010, 1:26 pm

wesmontfan wrote:

ursaminor wrote:

I do not like when I am arguing with someone over something (or simply discussing) they will suddenly decide they do not want to continue the conversation and say either that I am rude, that they are right or simply that they do not want to continue.

This usually happens when I am discussing something with someone who is in a position of authority.

This does usually not happen with my peers as they are not under the illusion that they can do that sort of thing and still think they have done the right thing.

The crime is not in cutting you off, but in how they cut you off.
You may find yourself in a position of authority, or in other myriad situations, in which you have to postpone the discussion and just act. You will then need to cutoff people talking at you- thats life.
The trick is how to do it without dissing others.
One trick is to use the expression " Im not here to engage in a debating tournament".
Thats better than saying " you're rude" or "your wrong". because the other person may not be being either rude nor even wrong- its just that you the speaker dont have time to jabber.

My mom often told me "Lets stop talking about this" and I respect it. I don't rub it in her face when she says she wants to stop because I know how annoying that is when someone keeps rubbing something in your face when you want to move on and it's bringing out strong feelings for you. I had an ex who did this to me and wouldn't shut up till I agreed with him and this be over opinions or point of views, not facts.

alana
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Dec 2009
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,015

17 Feb 2010, 7:02 pm

League_Girl wrote:

So I blocked her because I don't deal with idiots.

I think in terms of debating this is the wisest course to take. You will just wear yourself out otherwise and it probably matters to you alot otherwise you wouldn't expend so much time and energy trying to make your point.

whatamarshmallow
Raven
Raven

Joined: 14 Feb 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 113
Location: Long Island, New York

17 Feb 2010, 9:27 pm

League_Girl wrote:

I blocked a new friend on msn because we were arguing over something and she was wrong. I corrected her and she said "nah" and kept thinking she was right when she was clearly wrong. So I blocked her because I don't deal with idiots. I even tried to show her proof and she was still too stupid to believe it.

Does it bug anyone when people arguing with you over something they are wrong about? For example my husband and I argued over Mt. St Helens having lava. I said it only had gas and all this smoke and ash and there was no lava and he said there was. So we argued and I got mad at him. Then we came home and he looked it up and sees I was right. I also hate it when he sometimes argues with me about directions because he is always wrong. He has very poor sense of direction and I have a very good sense so he can't argue with me about what direction we came from and where a place is at what direction. I don't know why this gets to me but it always makes me angry when people argue with me about something they are wrong about. This seems so silly but it always makes me so angry and I feel I want to strangle them. I remember seeing that one South Park episode where two men thought they were right about something in Star Trek and it got to both of them they wouldn't even speak to each other. I thought it looked so silly and ridiculous. It even pissed me of when my ex argue with me about something he is wrong about so I would always go online to dig up proof I am right to show how stupid he was for arguing with me. It once gave me a meltdown when we had an argument over when Bush won the election. He said 1999, I said it was 2000 and he got mad at me when I screamed.

Anyone else have this silly issue?

I have to LOL at this, but only because I can relate completely. It gets me beyond irritated, too and I have been known to get stuck on things like this, and instead of just moving past them, I stay fixated on the topic until they see my view or I get so angry that I give up talking to them altogether. I have a few friends whom I cherish and I do try to respect their views, but they CANNOT accept when they are wrong. Even if the facts are there, they don't seem to care or will ignore the fact that they are being presented. My mom is the same way, and we argue quite a bit because of this. A simple 'I'm wrong/I was wrong' is usually all I seek, but it's never given. Sometimes it's a matter of opinion that gets argued, and other times it is straight facts. This is a big issue for me, though.

_________________
(Diagnosed PDD-NOS as a baby. Not sure where I fall on the spectrum these days...)

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,317
Location: Pacific Northwest

17 Feb 2010, 10:51 pm

whatamarshmallow wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

You can't do that with my mother because she always cuts me off saying "lets stop talking about this." :lol:

There are also topics we do not touch because I have strong opinions and I know the facts and she is wrong and she doesn't want to get me all upset and then I don't speak to her. She doesn't want to ruin our relationship. We have had moments where I would not speak to her just because we have an argument over something and she was ignorant. Now she knows to just drop it of we ever end up in a topic that is making me upset just because she isn't agreeing.

Tantybi
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Mar 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,130
Location: Wonderland

23 Feb 2010, 11:09 am

Reading posts about arguing with your mom... No my mom got smart with me on arguing. When she starts losing (which wasn't all the time, but when it did happen) the logic based argument, she'd shift it to emotions. "Well if you don't appreciate all I've done for you..." or "You must not love me because of the way you are talking to me..." (when I wasn't being mean at all, which I usually am not mean in an argument). Finally I called her out on that, and it took a few times of me saying, "Now you are switching this to an emotion based argument which has nothing to do with the topic at hand." ... Now we have productive arguments. I try to make them all sound like something you'd read on an internet forum...like a debate. With my mom and husband, we can do that verbally. My sister is impossible... once our arguments get heated, we move them to email. The trick to that is to remind them that is the only way they can prove they are right to someone with Aspergers (in other words, speak my language or I won't listen), and when they are wrong, the best thing about dealing with Aspergers is we really could care less who is right or wrong just as long as we figure out the right answer, so don't feel humiliated about being wrong about something because I don't.

_________________
"In the room the women come and go talking of Michelangelo." J. Alfred Prufrock

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,317
Location: Pacific Northwest

23 Feb 2010, 11:11 am

That sounds like manipulation your mom is doing.

whatamarshmallow
Raven
Raven

Joined: 14 Feb 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 113
Location: Long Island, New York

25 Feb 2010, 1:07 am

Tantybi wrote:

Agreed on needing the 'right answer'. If I'm right, I will argue with someone who says i'm wrong, but if i'm wrong I'll admit it and want the truth

_________________
(Diagnosed PDD-NOS as a baby. Not sure where I fall on the spectrum these days...)

justMax
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 539

25 Feb 2010, 5:07 am

I gave my girlfriend a certain phrase, and permission to use it at certain times.

When I am going on about something, and it's just way past where she even feels like arguing the point, I told her to simply say "check your facts", it's both a code that lets me know she's annoyed if I didn't catch that she was, and it's a great way to halt an Aspie in the middle of a point proving algorithm.

Bluefins
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 975

25 Feb 2010, 11:33 am

CleverKitten wrote:

I must admit, I do get a bit frustrated when people are going around spouting off ignorance and incorrect facts, and then won't listen when I try to correct those incorrect facts. I correct people so that they don't have to be incorrect anymore. But I only do it when I have proof on hand.

If they refuse to acknowledge the proof, well then, they're idiots and not worth the effort trying to help them learn something new. A person who continues to argue with incorrect facts and ignorance in the face of PROOF, just needs to be ignored.
Once I've tried to show them the proof and they still don't listen, I don't resort to yelling or violence. I forget about trying to educate those hopeless people and I move on.

When I'm the one who is spouting off ignorance and incorrect facts, and then I am presented proof that I am wrong, I gladly admit that I am wrong, I apologize, and then I forget the incorrect facts, remember the new correct facts, and present those instead.

Why would anyone want to continue being wrong all the time?

This.

There's no argument if they just go "oh, right" after being corrected. I've never understood why some people get so upset at being corrected, though the ego thing does make sense.

Kajjie
Velociraptor

Joined: 12 Aug 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 495
Location: Sometimes London, sometimes Coventry

25 Feb 2010, 12:10 pm

I hate it when people argue something that I would obviously know more about. Like something I've studied or had a special interest in. I've had so many arguments where people insist 'schizophrenia' means 'split personality' or 'multiple personalities' and I tell them what it actually is, I tell them to look it up on the Mind website or just Google it, I tell them I've read books and websites on psychology and mental illness, and they don't believe me because they've heard people say that and that's obviously much more reliable. :roll: Ha, I'm getting angry thinking about this.

Apparently it's natural to continue arguing something to protect your ego (learnt this in psychology lecture on Tuesday), but you'd think they'd give up if it's something trivial (to them) or their argument no longer makes any sense at all.

_________________
"The only difference between myself and madman is I am not mad" - Salvador Dali

zdt
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 22 Feb 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 3

26 Feb 2010, 6:38 am

I almost hit our school headmaster when I was 10 because he got a maths problem wrong. I mean, for 10-year olds. How hard can it be?

Then I was taken into his Office and got a beating for being too big for my shoes.

Tinkgrrrbell
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 12 Sep 2017
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 1

12 Sep 2017, 3:35 pm

TheDoctor82 wrote:

Philologos wrote:

Well - I have been wrong. I was wrong about smething yesterday, ctually. And I have argued when I was wrong. But I usually do not say anything unless I am REALLY sure. The worst case, though.

I am 1/4 of two couples sharing a vacation cottage. We have agreed to share food costs. I and X go out to get the first groceries - pay out of my pocket. Come back. The Other couple now expects US to put in cash for half the food. They never did get it [I TRIED]. And hated my guts for being a cheapskate who tried to bilk them.

Wouldn't that be accurate though?

If you're 1/4 of two couples...that means there are 4 people there.

If they expect you and your husband to pay half for the groceries, that would totally make sense.

You're kidding...right? She already paid for the whole thing. They owe HER money!! ! She paid for the groceries out of pocket. 100% of her money paid for it, so why should she now chip in half again and pay them? They weren't understanding since it was already paid for and she paid for it all, they now needed to pay her back for half. That's what she's saying!

billegge
Snowy Owl

Joined: 12 Sep 2017
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 147
Location: Lat: 27.889636 Long: -82.665982

12 Sep 2017, 5:58 pm

Yes, and this is one reason I became an entrepreneur. I would explain till I turned blue, and use exacting logic to make my point. I was told that I was "spot on" on everything I said. Yet, In the end, I made no difference and it both baffled and infuriated me. Having my own business got me out of that situation.

naturalplastic
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 35,189
Location: temperate zone

12 Sep 2017, 9:20 pm

zdt wrote:

I almost hit our school headmaster when I was 10 because he got a maths problem wrong. I mean, for 10-year olds.

How hard can it be?

Then I was taken into his Office and got a beating for being too big for my shoes.

Gosh. What country do you live in? In the US they might verbally retaliate against you. But they don't allow teachers and administrators to use corporal punishment.

Had an English teacher in Eighth Grade who throughout the year kept saying that "the Mississippi River starts in Montana". I didn't have the nerve to tell her that the source of the Mississippi is in Minnesota, and that her confusion was probably because its main tributary, the Missouri, is sourced in the Rocky Mountains of Montana.

One day she was lecturing to us about characters in a novel and happened to be facing the map, and she paused...and then exclaimed "they have the Mississippi starting in MINNESOTA when I know full well that it starts in MONTANA!! !"

Page 4 of 5 [ 65 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Next

Jump to:

People arguing with you about something when they are wrong Post Reply New Topic

People arguing with you about something when they are wrong