Self Pity in the AS community

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"Cruel and unusual punishment" is still just a perception. It's self-victimization that is the problem. When you think that you're the only person who has it that bad, the one always getting picked on, trod upon, looked down on, being bullied. Self-pity is a big part of self-victimization. There are many different ways you can view the treatment you receive, but when you only view the treatment through the lens of self-pity and victimization, that's the cause of the issues. Not that your life is so greatly different to anyone elses, or because you actually do get picked on so bad.

I'd see a difference between acknowledging that autistic people are more likely to be bullied (and perhaps trying to do something about the bullies!), and thinking that you're the only person who gets bullied. It's perhaps natural for awhile, though, to think you're the only one, even though that's a more self-pitying way to look at it, but that's one of the benefits of meeting others, is knowing that, no, your life isn't as unusually awful as you thought it was (if you thought it was awful to begin with, which not everyone does).

There are people that are simply attempting to shut others up in there difficulties in expressing them by calling it self-pity.

Again I am insulted, not for just me but others, say you don't like people that take insult all you want as well. I really don't care to be liked or not, truth is truth.

If autism makes someone disabled and they express the reasons why and feel sad, then its cruel to even suggest its self-pity.

I think it’s somewhat of a peer social pressure to cover up certain thoughts of others.

I do not need to win this argument in popularity due to the bruised ego's of others whom psychologically relate to A.S.D's at some level.

Also the attempts to blame it on other things that are extra, when the fact is Autism is a developmental disability. Fact is fact, whomever seys otherwise is false.

Oh, but in my case you won't find any disagreement that I'm disabled.

When I'm talking about self-pity, I'm talking about myself for the most part. Everyone engages in it from time to time, and it's not a productive thing to engage in (even if it is unavoidable at times). How I learned the difference, has been through learning what kinds of thinking are useful, and what kinds just flip in circles. I'm not meaning to condemn anyone else by what I say. But self-pity does exist. It's not synonymous (as I tried to make clear) with acknowledging that you have weak points, even sometimes feeling bad, it's more a feeling bad about feeling bad, then feeling bad about feeling bad about feeling bad, and it gets nowhere. I don't condemn anyone who engages in it, because then I'd have to condemn myself sometimes, but it's not an invention either, it's real, and it's a good thing to learn to avoid where possible.

(For reference, I'm labeled by the state "severely deficient" in pretty much all areas of adaptive functioning. Hardly someone who objects to being called disabled, or doesn't know what it's like, even if I view disability as a political fact.)

The terminology self-pity is cruel.

Only when used in a cruel way.

Sometimes people use it wrong. I've been accused of wallowing in self-pity when I am only factually listing events, or something like that.

But when I am actually doing so, it's not bad to be reminded, and it doesn't strike me as cruel. "Hey, that's self-pity, that's probably not productive" is not a bad thing to say to me when it's the truth. It's like saying "Hey, you're turning the wrench the wrong way."

Self-pity said to anyone or to target a mentality in a gorup or groups is still intolerant of expressions. I think that saying people are of self-pity really is trying to "change" how people express themselves through peer pressure.

It is cruel, desired to be or not.

Sc, perhaps you could clarify exactly who or what comments you're responding to. I have the feeling, perhaps mistakenly, that it is my comments you see as "attempting to shut people up". So if you would, please clarify if you are talking about specific comments or generally speaking.
Perhaps it is just me or that I come from a country where teasing, mocking and bullying is part of our nature, but I disagree that autistic people are more likely to be bullied. It seems most interactions I've seen include the exchange of insults, taunts, and intimidation, regardless of race, appearance, or neurological differences. It's just something I find a natural part of life, and nothing out of the ordinary, and anyone who can't deal with it is looking at it the wrong way.

But don't you see, sc? If they feel sad, then it can be none other than self-pity. They are mourning what they feel they cannot achieve, mourning that they are not "normal" enough to achieve it, mourning that they can't achieve their goals/desires. A little self-pity is normal, and noone can be blamed for feeling it, but when the self-pity is excessive and becomes ingrained in their thought patterns and not just an emotional response to immediate situations but becomes a focal point of their conscious thought, this is a very bad thing.

It's not the act of expression that is frowned upon, it is the act of self-pity. Expressing self-pity is an attempt to gain sympathy, a validation that their self-pity isn't self-pity but fact. You express sympathy, and they feel better, yes, and you may think that it helps but it doesn't. The perfect solution would be to simply ignore them, don't express sympathy, but debate with them logically and emotionlessly. Calling them out for self-pity is accurate, but would also provide further ammunition to feed their self-pity. It is rare that you encounter someone who has the freedom of omni-perspective who will not view it as an attack but see their thoughts for what they are. Being the person that I am, I will not hold back the truth as I see it as other people will validate the self-pitier regardless. I will tell it to their face and hope that they can liberate themselves from their self-pity with a brief moment of awareness. Failing that, let them continue in their self-pity for all I care.