Maybe there should be Autistic Personality Type

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Although I do not have that fuzziness as you describe (excel at visual processing, as all thoughts are a visual construct for me) I have everything else you describe.

The algorithms for social interaction really hits me deeply. Once something goes 'off script' I'm bumfuzzled and revert to being a child again grasping at interactions in a way to 'please' whoever is on the other end of my encounter.

Yesterday I was at a very chaotic doctor's office. Totally messed up. Even called my house (And not even my backup cell phone number) while I was at the office waiting on them to call me. Then when they did catch up, I was in the other office doing an intake. The doctor came out looking for me.
"Where were you? I've been calling you"
"I was here at 'this specific time' I signed in. I was checked in. I was in the other office until two minutes ago."
"But I was calling for you, you were not here."

Now at this point I was lost because it had gone off script. And, I was ignored and someone was 'putting blame on me' because the doctor did not listen.

Then twenty minutes later is asking me if I have trouble communicating. Had I not been in my feedback loop trying to make sense of things I would have mentioned what I had told her how she ignored me earlier. But, I cannot work that way at all. All I could do was try to keep up. It was more than two hours later I started to put the inconsistencies together.

My brain burns with all those inconsistencies. It can find the inconsistencies and let me know it's not right at that moment. But I can't get it in focus until much later while sifting and sorting. Until those things are reconciled, I'm just reacting to things and not being proactive or being a self advocate.

I've been studying Algebra 1 lately. In the math test yesterday, I could barely do basic fractions because I was so off kilter. Things I could do in my head the day before was lost as I was scrambling to recover after about 2 hours of crap. Try letting that happen at a time when a company or client needs you to be able to function in times when there is social crisis (Office is going nuts, clients being unreasonable, etc.)

That's a lot of crap to just say that those 'algorithms' fail me on the fly many times. But, it is what I have to rely on just to get through any day. But it has such a bad spillover on all aspects of life.

I'm just the opposite.

My vision is okay (except for some near-sightedness and aged-related far-sightedness. However, I really suck at visual-spatial processing. I can barely screw in a screw. I became bambefuddled when I'm confronted with, say, the task putting together a bike.

There is the notion that people with HFA are relatively excellent in visual-spatial things, yet are relatively lacking verbally.

Concurrently, there is the notion that people with Asperger's are relatively excellent verbally, yet are relatively lacking in visual-spatial processing.

I fit the "Asperger's" profile, per this theory.

While I do work & I do drive it took me a very very long time to reach this point with many other mental health issues type diagnosis along the way.

I had a psychologist while in special ed which I was in for 6 years from equivalent of 3rd grade through 8th grade. 9th grade I was put back into regular classes but still continued to struggle though I did pretty well in 10th grade. That was my best year grade wise where I did get a b average. Beyond that my grades went back down. I barely graduated by the skin of my teeth.

I believe I may have been diagnosed but never told my diagnosis of autism during that time that I seen the psychologist. I continued to struggle with employment & eventually went on to social security disability for 10 years.

I do not think it fair for people to miss categorise people on the spectrom to not be on it due to a perceived lack of symptoms when they have no idea how much they have struggled & suffered indignation as a result of our issues.

This is what ticks me off though about all that theorizing. It seems they are still trying to do a one size fits all. It would seem that the excelling at some things with obvious deficiencies in other areas seems to be the common thread.

I excel at the visual/spatial, mechanical/mathematical things. But have really poor verbal skills in a useful manner. Just because I can parrot big words and have a ginormous vocabulary does not mean I can wield it at will. I can be flip or funny at will, but not substantive.

If you were to meet me on the street, you would not know this is the same person here because of the way I would interact vs. here on a thread, where I can think a bit before I interact. And, I'm not trying to puzzle out the things that are going on with the other person. If more than 75% of your effort is put into making sense of things in any social situation, it's really going to cut down on all other abilities.

The ONLY reason I am still married this time is because of her. It certainly is not because of me. And, I am still trying to sort that one out.

I totally thought there was. When I unexpectedly lived past 20 I started to feel very cheated that I did not just plateau sublimely into adulthood and everything didn't just fall into place like Tetris.

Tell me about it. LOL....

I'm 55 and I'm even more lost now than at early ages. Why? Because I've learned that everything I thought was one way, just ain't so.

I just want those 'youngun's' to be a bit more realistic in that it never lets up and is always a struggle for even the best of people. Nobody has a free ride.

Edit: Oh, and just because someone makes it look easy, does not mean it is. We are all used to putting up masks just to try to fit in. We have no idea how long it takes for people to get prepared to do things.

I have a two hour class on Monday's. For those two hours, I seem in command. But, for that prepared, 'scripted' approach it takes me at least half that day to get it all planned. Been doing this '99 and I still have to do that. And, I'm a total washout after that. Stressed, ready to get away from all the noise and such. But, for two hours, I am 'magic'.

Last edited by zkydz on 11 Feb 2016, 9:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think the "young'uns" know this already--this is why they are so disconcerted.

I don't know. I see a lot of people here who think that there will be something that makes things better from the outside. But, they should be disconcerted for many reasons.Especially as the world moves so much faster now. I know I can't change as rapidly as society requires now. I think it gets worse as you age. Old dogs, tricks and all that.

You're right. I believe they foresee the difficulties you mention.

I truly hope they do. And, I hope they have much better success than I have. I mean personal success. That is my only yardstick. I hope they learn to accept their milestones instead of looking at what looks easy for others.

My sincerest hope is that all of these people find greater success than I did or do at this time.

'Autistic Personality Type'

Interesting.

That's probably where you'd place Kim Peek (Rain Man) since he wasn't autistic, just had symptoms which resembled it.

For all I know, I may not be autistic, and one psychiatrist and one clinical psychologist could've been wrong.

I have:

PTSD
Depression
Anxiety
Abuses of a physical, mental and sexual nature.
Abandonment issues
Gay
Not fitting in/outsider because of mixed race & being an immigrant (black kids made fun of my light-skinned-ness and accent which they mocked as being Jamaican).
Thick "Coke Bottle" glasses that the kids made fun of
Clothes that kids would never be caught dead in because it's out of fashion
Constantly refer to myself in 3rd person
Has rigid, inflexible thinking to the point of extreme black and whiteness
Fear of sudden loud noises like balloons popping (PTSD?)
Rocking back and forth to calm myself as a child, tapping my feet these days (PTSD?)
Extreme narrow and focused interests that can consume my entire day
Sensitivity to bright lights and multiple sounds which can confuse me (PTSD?)
Didn't make eye contact for years as a kid (PTSD?)
A bit of Impulse Control Disorder (self diagnosed)
A bit of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (self diagnosed)
A bit of Avoidant Personality Disorder (self diagnosed)
Diagnosed as bipolar by one doctor and medicated with Risperdal for a year and a half.
Another doctor came along and said I'm not bipolar, just deeply depressed & anxious (now I'm on Wellbutrin and Prozac, PRN Buspar for episodes of anxiousness))
Probably a touch of Borderline Personality Disorder because I've never kept a long term relationship, fly way off the emotional handle at times (and unpredictable), and given to impulsive/reckless behavior (35 years of drinking, 22 years of drugging)
Wear the same clothes every day (Poverty?)
Eat the same thing every day (hate supermarkets, Jainism?)
Extreme loneliness (I sleep in my car)

I really relate to that 'off script' feeling. It's the thing which has just messed up so much of my life. Basically I can manage loads of things, especially when I've done them before and have a plan, but as soon as it goes 'off script' I can't cope. Then I have to try to work things out at the time and I frequently annoy or upset people which I really hate doing. Once the situation has got to there I tend to just get away as soon as I can. The trouble is that I dont' have any way back from those kind of errors. The only thing I've found that works is to tell a close friend or my minister about it and get some advice about how to make it right again. But I can't recover these things on my own. I've lost a lot of jobs that way which is soul-destroying.

I also relate to you being visual - I think exclusively in visual terms. For me language is like a second language because I think in pictures. So, for me, writing and speaking is essentially a translation process. Even when thinking about words I think of pictures of words. I'm also really very poor at foreign languages - epsecially the spoken parts of it.

As I understand it though being autistic means having some significant changes in the the development of the brain. This means that for each of us on the Spectrum there will be differences in processing in some brain area. The thing that makes autism tricky I think is that while there are commonalities in terms of social and communication deficits lots of the neurodevelopmental differences are different from individual to individual. So, for me and some others, I work almost exclusively in a visual way in my head. For others though like KraftoeKortie....



In fact, this is quite interesting because I am very visual and I'm diagnosed HFA rather than Aspergers so the notion Kraftykortie writes about kind of fits for me too.



I absolutely agree with this ^ too. In trying to fit into a world where we don't fit there is huge effort and struggle and suffering but I certainly hid that part of myself as much as I possibly could for years because I was very ashamed of being unable to do what most people find easy.




I found this to be true for me too. When I went to university, although I was clever on paper and very good at science and maths etc when I was talking to other students in the lunch line I found out that I had a reputation for being seen as too dim to be at that particular university. It was only when I got to know people really well that one of them said, actually you are clever aren't you? I asked him why he'd said that and he explained that I come across as what he called a 'low watt blub' which means someone who is a bit stupid. The reality is that my brain is good as some things and really poor at others.

I never used the teenagers sorting things out ploy when I was a teenager.
Never socially skilled enough, would never have thought of it myself.

I have a different set of circumstances considering how I interact with people.
It's all surface. It's a whole dictionary of quick comebacks and retorts from gazillions of TV shows and movies. Because my memory is so good, I can do that with ease. When I am working on the things I am good at, people are amazed.

Then it crumbles because they expect this 'quick witted, technically talented' person to be just as good in 'proper situations' and it just ain't there. At some point they realize that facility that I can apply to things they struggle with is not available in the same way they access their skills easily.

And my ability to function in certain circumstances seems inverse to the importance of the situation. More important = more flubbing on my part. And it has been compounded greatly by realizing at this late age that I am not the same inside as is projected.

And it destroys any facade that you may have successfully projected at one time. And, eventually, that is all you become known as.

A thousand "attaboys" is good, but it only takes one "Aw crap" to mess things up.

I have no idea what that means. Please explain.....

I have problems with paragraphs myself when writing & typing. I'm very long winded in my writing.I have to go back frequently & reread what I wrote in order to make paragraphs as I typically don't while I am writing the original draft. Then I go back & look for the breaks in thought & topic shifts & use that to make my paragraphs.

This is easily done on a computer but if I’m writing by hand I generally say forget it as I would have rewrite the whole piece in order to make the paragraphs as I am quite slow at anything to do that requires any coordination.