Anybody else a self-harmer?

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They don't work. You don't see your flesh splitting open, you don't feel the knife moving through your skin as though it was butter, you are not memerised by the sight of the blood welling up and flowing down.
I cut. When there is an actual reason, it is either because I feel dead inside and need to feel sometime, or because overwhelming feelings have caused me to dissociate and I need to bring myself back to myself.
Lately it's been because the pain and the sight of the blood combine to produce the world's greatest high. When I cut my shoulder a week or so ago, I got a rush of andrenalin/endorphins so huge that I staggered. It was greeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.
On the bad side of things, my thoughts telling me to kill myself are getting worse and harder and harder to resist. Since slashing my wrists would be my preferred method of suicide, this is worrying. I actually worked out a detailed suicide plan a couple of nights ago. This scares me. The arteries in your wrists are in fairly deep, but if I was sufficiently dissociated I could cut through my wrists and out the other side and hardly notice it.

I have a rather his tolerance for pain and it doesn't always come through like it hurts sometime its just like scraching an itch I don't intend harm but it happens. When I take a shower or bath I always come out red becuse the waters so hot it doesnt hurt but nobody else in my family can even put there hand in the water more then a few seconds. I also like hiting my leg just above the knee it doesnt hurt but frees kinda weird. Only cut once becuse when I was a kid I didnt belive a razor was so sharp and sliced open a finger it didnt hurt but it sure bled a lot.



I love deep pressure so calming

I love the feel of self-inflicted pain. Maybe it's an Autistic thing, maybe it's a "British" thing. I take more after my British Ancestors, than I do my Canadian Parents. Either way, it feels good. Maybe I was punnished too much, as a child.

parts wrote: I have a rather his tolerance for pain and it doesn't always come through like it hurts sometime its just like scraching an itch I don't intend harm but it happens. When I take a shower or bath I always come out red becuse the waters so hot it doesnt hurt but nobody else in my family can even put there hand in the water more then a few seconds. I also like hiting my leg just above the knee it doesnt hurt but frees kinda weird. Only cut once becuse when I was a kid I didnt belive a razor was so sharp and sliced open a finger it didnt hurt but it sure bled a lot.


You sound much like my AS son. When he comes out of the shower, he is fire engine red. I asked him if it feels hot or makes his skin sore and he says no. He is somewhat immune to many kinds of pain. The other day, I gave him a lecture about keeping his face washed with products that I bought him because he is getting blackheads and pimples. He thought to save time and used a "foot grater" on his nose till the blood came and several layers of skin were peeled off!! (a foot grater is a callous remover for feet which is exactly like a miniature cheese grater) I asked him if that hurt and he said, "Yes, but only for a couple of minutes while I was doing it." Apparently, he feels the pain but his brain doesn't process it correctly. I explained to him that your nerves send you the pain signals to tell you something is wrong and you should stop the offending action. He understood this and said, "Okay". He got sick of the kids at school asking if he wiped out on the sidewalk or something. He told them he got scraped and that's all he would say. He won't do it again but next week it will be something esle! I love that kid. He just fascinates me.

Who_Am_I wrote: . When I cut my shoulder a week or so ago, I got a rush of andrenalin/endorphins so huge that I staggered. It was greeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.
On the bad side of things, my thoughts telling me to kill myself are getting worse and harder and harder to resist. Since slashing my wrists would be my preferred method of suicide, this is worrying

Who, you are going to have to reorient your thinking or your chances of dying soon are quite high. You have to think logically and take the proper course of action. Doing something that's harmful to yourself just to "feel" something isn't really that reasonable. Have you sought help for this behavior? Maybe you should talk to your brother, Craig. After all, he's a genius and he might have some exceptional input!!

Sometimes its hard to notice sometimes in the shower it's like name that bruise I dont even remember getting them but there they are and I try remembering but no dice. Sometimes its not a bad way to be but sometimes I have a hard time telling if I should get medical attention or not. Last time I went becuse I got a nail though my hand then only becuse I knew I was due a tetnus shot which in my opinion was worse due to a bad reacton to it.

Yeah, I've been referred to a psychiatrist for it. And for an AS diagnosis.
I'm not going to talk to Craig about it. He's my younger brother, he doesn't need to be worrying about things like that.