What is autism like?

Post Reply New Topic

The best analogy I heard from a physical context is that it feels like you're wearing a new pair of glasses either for the first time, or since a change of prescription. Especially when dealing with sensory processing issues.

From my personal mental experience, it's always that feeling of loneliness and objectivity. Looking at the minutiae, as opposed to the big picture.

Always outside looking in. And that when I talk, the reply is sometimes odd to me, because they've ironically misperceived my tone and intonation.

I'm very grateful for the people in my life that try to understand me, and help ensure my correct intentions come across well.

Positive or negative? It has elements of both, but I try to see it as a neutral. "It is what it is."

Average people are socialized into their environments with little effort whatsoever.

The fruits of that socialization (culture) doesn't really make much coherent sense, it's just how things have evolved over time. There is little objectivity to it, and any culture could be vastly different from what it is without it necessarily being a bad thing.

The average person assimilates gracefully into their culture as they fail to see any other possible alternative in the first place. Their culture is all they know, and when someone from one culture visits another culture they'll still experience culture shock, despite that fact that most cultures are quite similar as there are many globally shared behaviors that are socialized into us.

So what I'm basically saying is just that as an autistic person I feel like I am in the world but not of the world. To other people I'm 'weird' because I do not act the same as others and I have a different set of needs to them. But I do think that people are beginning to understand autism a lot better in recent years, and if people are introspective enough they could learn a lot from us.

For me basically ASD is just having a weak personality which causes you to be treated differently, so no matter how socially acceptable your actions are it is still wrong. That's my personal experience anyway. But not so much around family and my partner.

Until i learned radical acceptance, i was very depressed. the neurodiverse community has made me feel like part of something really cool

Would it be too tongue-in-cheek to say it's like being on the wrong planet?

I am in agreement with Fnord and IsabellaLinton: sometimes good, sometimes bad, almost certainly "too" or "too little" depending on the sense.

For me usually the bad outweighs the good. Too much sound and smell and light. Too little air pressure. I repeatedly fail to act properly in social situations even when I'm trying my hardest, and misunderstand other people or am unable to make myself understood. Talking often feels like trying to pull a thorny branch out of myself (difficult, painful, and slow), and it seems to upset people who care about me that I'm not particularly interested in sharing my emotions with them, or elaborating when asked questions. And it was much worse for me when I was a child.

On the flip side, the hypersensitivity to sound means that when I find music that really feels good to listen to, or my dog gets a bath and I run my hand through his fur, there's nothing else like it. I seem to be able to charm people and make them laugh without trying or understanding how I did it, and for this they tend to forgive me for the times I am unthinkingly or unknowingly rude or strange. And I do like the rush I feel when I get to spend several hours doing what I am currently interested in (my partner has described this state as 'manic').

If I could choose, I would probably choose not to be autistic, but I am not going to say it is all bad. And I think that if this planet had much denser air so there was more pressure and sound dampening, I might change my mind. Given that and light sensitivity, maybe I'd be happier if humans lived in the same conditions as a Mesopelagic Zone dwelling fish.

For me, it's a very enjoyable experience. I have a few things that I'm very good at. I'm good at painting, drawing, loom knitting, I'm learning how to make bead bracelets and necklaces. I like the colourful imagination that I have. I also have a unique pea-flavoured way of looking at the world and I love pealike characters such as Om Nom, Peahawk and Cacnea. I like to socialize more than most people on the spectrum, but I enjoy my alone time much more. The one thing that I don't really care for is my photographic memory. It's caused me a lot of flashbacks. I also didn't like the way that I was raised back in the 80s. Being sent to my bedroom if I was crying or being yelled at and chastised for talking about my interests all the time. I was really convinced that my parents hated me, especially my mum.

Feels like my mind is always racing with tons of thoughts. When walking around I notice like everything. Sights, smells, sounds, tastes and touch and some times it can be overwhelming.

I eat tons of food as I am always hungry, but am not overweight. I love high adrenaline activities such as martial arts and motorcycles.

I have somewhat of a childlike wonder with how I approach the world.

I think this thread is kind of depressing.

It seems often the problem with Autism is other people have a problem with your Autism.

(And that certainly was the early theme in my life, too.)

I think this website being called Wrong Planet is the precise answer.

It's like we're from a different planet. We look human but our brains are alien and work differently, so we're just trying to fit in with humans somehow. Well that's what I feel like.

^ i often feel more like a broken machine than an alien

Well. My body is a broken machine. I can't really eat or drink the same things as humans e.g. processed food, lots of 'normal' other foods that humans love. I had to test food to see what suited me by trial and error.

I have to drink fresh cold water 24/7 in order to function, I get dehydrated within minutes if I don't. I only drink water, I can't drink anything else.

I never had normal periods, or a normal pregnancy, they basically were killing me.

I can't drink alcohol or coffee, take drugs or chocolate. Prescription medication is far too strong, I have to take a very mild dose of it.

The only good thing is that anaesthetic makes me really happy and giggly.

But my brain works brilliantly, just in an alien way.

Wrong planet and being on the outside looking in seem apt descriptions.

I always thought that I was broken somehow.in a way that others were not. I am still working on getting past that particular mindset.

I agree with that. I forgot that 'the outside looking in' bit. I feel like I've lived behind a window all my life, watching everyone else living their lives. Especially the last 20 years.

I'm on the inside looking out, not out looking in.

Everything happens inside my head all at once.
The rest of the world feels "outside" of me like it's not part of me.
I've never felt integrated.

Since I'm high masking, I went years and years never guessing I could be autistic..... even when my boss told me I probably was at one point.

So. Idk..... my way of being just feels incredibly normal to me. Am I odd? Yeah, I have odd interests, intense interests, do odd things, and was an odd kid. But I never thought much of it.

I do remember making posts years back like "why do I make weird movements and noises" and stuff, and I definitely considered myself very socially awkward. But.....

Mixed good and bad. If the good or bad is dominant has varied during different parts of my life.