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18 Dec 2008, 3:20 pm

My mother is NT but she has aspie traits. My dad is ADHD and learning disability. He seems to have a few aspie traits too, impulsive but also a ADHD trait, paces, taps his foot, also part of ADHD and he talks loud. he has also said things that were innaproppiate and he loves his sports which is typical for lot of people AS or not, and he can't miss a game, he has to watch it or listen to it on the radio when he is in his car and he sometimes talks about it when you aren't interested in it. I started talking to him about Benny & Joon one day on the phone when he started to talk about sports and he said I was a funny girl and stopped talking about his sports.



cataspie
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18 Dec 2008, 6:09 pm

My mother is very NT she even took the tests for AS and got a lower score than most NTs.
She always likes to say im wrong because im not like normal people.
We argue, I with logic and she with majority thinking of what is normal must be right.

Sometimes things are to emotion based and she can get annoyed over a window in the car being open even though my DS is on the verge of being sick. This is because she could get a cold head, we didn,t ask her or think of her feeling before opening the window.
It is kind of prefrable that i try to stop him being sick in such a situation i think.



Last edited by cataspie on 18 Dec 2008, 7:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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18 Dec 2008, 6:58 pm

My late father was NT I'm sure,quiet but stable and reliable. My mother has always been the
opposite,very talkative and apparently extrovert but with underlying anxiety that is barely
concealed. She has always been quick to criticise.
I can see now that my own traits have involved trying to balance the Jekyll and
Hyde characteristics in the DNA !


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18 Dec 2008, 7:25 pm

My parents are not my genetic parents, but they feel like they are. My dad definatly has some AS traits and my mom possibly might too. She's just not as irratable and cranky as my dad and me but is not crazy about interacting with strangers.



cataspie
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18 Dec 2008, 7:29 pm

PunkyKat wrote:
My parents are not my genetic parents, but they feel like they are. My dad definatly has some AS traits and my mom possibly might too. She's just not as irratable and cranky as my dad and me but is not crazy about interacting with strangers.


Im adopted.



Alicat1989
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18 Dec 2008, 8:59 pm

its not my mum that does it my mum accepts me for who I am and tells me constantly to not change for anyone but myself.

My brother on the other hand is a prick who was popular at school has never faced idiots judging him and has frequently said to me 'why can't u be normal for once?'

unfortunately I find myself asking the same question about me.



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18 Dec 2008, 9:15 pm

My late father was never diagnosed AS but he had many of the symptoms. My mum would just say he was a certain way because of his culture. He's Indian and she thought that his lack of communication and his strange little habits had to do with the Indian culture. We'll never really know but I think I got AS from him. I'm pretty sure that Yoga, fishing, calligraphy and art (painting/sketching) were his obsessions.

My mum isn't really NT in the sense that I should act normal, though she thinks my routines are ridiculous. She has some AS traits too.



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18 Dec 2008, 9:26 pm

My dad has obsessions, but both of them are very NT. It gets annoying.



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18 Dec 2008, 10:14 pm

My parents are NT, but weird all the same. I have been told by a couple of mental health care professionals that my mother has borderline personality disorder. If you really knew her, you'd probably agree.

My older brother has Asperger's, as does a first cousin on my father's side.

Lots of autoimmune issues, too. Funny how that seems to be so common with ASD people.


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18 Dec 2008, 11:05 pm

For the most part, I would say that they are. My mother is OCD and my father seldom shows any outward emotion, and they are more intelectual/analytical than most people. However, I am convinced that they are both solidly on the NT side of things.

If one were to combine my two grandfathers, however, he/she would have the Uber-Aspie:

Maternal Grandfather:
Aspie Traits
1) Very narrowly focused interests, at which he was truely 'the best-of-the-best'
2) Extremely rigid routines - you could accurately set a clock according to them.
3) Took everything literally, and never lied.
4) Obsessive about record-keeping and lists.
5) Diaries consisted of practical goings on and ideas, and seldom talked about emotions or personal things.
6) Had anxiety issues
7) Gave everyone the benefit of the doubt
8) Never threw anything away
9) Very systematic about organization and categorization of objects
10) Very visually oriented, but also a great word-smith
11) Wore the same clothing year-round (we lived in a climate with 140 degrees F seasonal temperature fluctuations) and was apparently hyposensative to heat and cold
12) Bad fine motor coordination
13) Dry, word-play-oriented sense of humor
14) Ate the same thing for breakfast and lunch EVERY day.

Non-Aspie:
Had MANY life-long friends and was fairly sociable

Paternal Grandfather:
Aspie Traits:
1) Tends to avoid people who are not family or otherwise do not have a strong, long-held raport with him.
2) Shows little emotion and uses humor sparingly.
3) Very practical

Non Aspie:
1) Doesn't seem to have set routines
2) Tends to have more variety in his diet, etc.
3) Is not overly literal
4) Honestly, he seems like a fairly normal old man, except for his strong aversion to unfamiliar social interactions and lack of outward emotions (unless he is in the hospital... then he constantly grumbles)



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18 Dec 2008, 11:24 pm

haha, no...



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18 Dec 2008, 11:28 pm

i am loathe to go around diagnosing members of my family. I don't think they would appreciate it somehow. BUT, i do know my mother admits to many AS traits and is quite rigid, controlling and hardly socialises at all except with her kids. She had bad meltdowns when i was growing up, and her nickname is MISSION CONTROL in our family, which kind of says it all. SHe is deeply caring and emotionally immature and very emotionless in her discussion of feelings. SHe has a strong social justice approach to life and can be brutally honest and also insensitive at times, in spite of her deep care about things. SHe reminds me of me, actually. She is super smart and loves water and swims and is obsessed with the weather forecast and current affairs. (she takes a particular transistor radio with her wherever she does.) Sh is intense and complex and contradictory. she is also brilliant and wonderful and difficult. She is very good at word games and puns and if she herself one day wants to admit she has AS, i will be right next to her saying YEAH...well it i pretty obvious, mum. Join the club!" (i have told her i think she is and she laughs with horror and identifying delight!)

my father is also quite complex. lots of traits there. i wonder if he is on the spectrum. his social skills have improved with age and he admits to having been cripplingly shy in his youth. He doesn't look you in the eye - but then no-oone does in our family...he speaks many languages and is a latin scholar and hymn composer and is a man of brilliant obscurities and contradictions also. he is also unbeleivably selfish and impeccable and fantatical about his dress and demeanour.

who knows though. they are both of another generation and i get the impression neither of them would want to openup th discussion in any real detail.



Last edited by millie on 19 Dec 2008, 4:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

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19 Dec 2008, 12:02 am

My parents are no longer alive. My parents were anything but NT. My Mom was the most difficult to deal with concidering that she told me, when I was about 6, that she wish she never had me.



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19 Dec 2008, 12:16 am

My father has undiagnosed AS; it's obvious that he has it (the fact that he doesn't make eye-contact at all is genuinely a good sign, amongst many other points)--a psycho at Attwood's said he has it after my mother explained his symptoms, as well as...me being his son.

My mother is introverted and with an anxious disposition, so she's far from typical.

Funnily enough, my mother is more asocial than my father.



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19 Dec 2008, 3:44 am

Both of my parents do/did not seem to have any AS traits. Other family members do, but that's only a recent observation made by my mother and I. Growing up, it was my dad who seemed to be most accepting of me and my oddities, but his thing was that he didn't know about AS at all, and he just saw a great potential in me, and that I seemed to be my biggest obstacle in achieving any success, so he more nurtured me and guided me. Too bad he passed away in 99. I did have a dream about him last night that has got me very perplexed. I might start a thread on it to get a stranger's perspective.

My mom, on the other hand, is very NT in nature, and she's the one now with a Masters in Counseling. Funny huh? She's great with other people's kids though. She has a true gift. But she can't always play psychologist when she's in mom mode, so I get the critical parent a lot. I really think it's the critical parent that works against us. We really need the nurturing parent. My nephew is AS, and my sister is a very critical parent. More so than my mother ever was. My mother didn't really start the critical parent thing with me until after my father died. Actually, it pretty much started at funeral planning now I think about it. I will give her credit that up to that point, we of course didn't know about AS until a couple years ago. But, for someone who didn't know, my mother was a great mom growing up. She didn't help me grow passed my oddities like my father tried, but she helped me cope in the problems associated with it. In fact, I probably would have ran away from home in 7th grade if it weren't for my mom. Now, all that is in the past. My nephew is 8 now, and my mom keeps telling my sister to deal with him in her nurturing parent, but she can't seem to follow her own advice when dealing with me. She's got her flaws, but she's still a great mom. She makes sacrifices for me and my family, but she favors my nephew in her concern for his well being. She'd be willing to leave her husband if it meant she could help my nephew, which is a decision she may possibly be facing in the near future. Either way, she blames me for my failures, but when it comes to my nephew's failures, she blames his mom. How neurotypical is that? :lol: Sometimes I think she resents me because I was so close to dad, as opposed to being so close to her and her being closer to my dad. Also, I think I just remind her too much of him. So in my world, there is much more to it than AS.

Main point is that it doesn't matter anymore. My father only speaks to me in dreams now. My mother is getting older, and it's only a matter of time before I need to take care of her. So, I really shouldn't have to depend on her at this point in my life for anything, not even advice, because I really need to flip this around to where she can start depending on me. My mother took good care of me growing up, and it's getting close to the time where I need to return the favor.

Thank you so very much for that therapeutic question. I just realized so much in the last half hour, and most of it, believe it or not, I deleted. Thank You. I've never had so much clarity before on this. I keep going in my head about it and keep finding more clarity. Since my dad died, my mom kinda often reminded me of that company that wants to fire you but cant, so they try to get you to quit. It didn't really bother me until after I had kids and moved back to my home town. I just expected her to be different now that I was a mom, and considering she never babysits my kids but will watch my sister's kids at least once a week, I get jealous. Lately, I've been resenting her for it all. Now I know why she's that way. I've said it before with her resenting me for my father, but it didn't make as much sense until now if that makes any sense at all.

My mom really has a great head on her shoulders. It's just a whole new ball game when it comes to me and my nephew (I should also mention my sister found out she was pregnant with him 2 months after my dad died). It's just crazy that we are the two with AS, but we are also the two she most associates to my father and his death. See, more clarity. Thank you.



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19 Dec 2008, 4:15 am

My dad has weak form of Asperger, so no doubt he is not neurotypical. He's undiagnosed, but he's surely not NT.
My mother isn't, she's well accepting my oddities, I think it's because she was Social Worker in her twenties, but not entirely. It's also because of her knee-abnormality (she can't walk properly when the air is wet), and the influence her mother (my grand-mother) had on her. She's a great mother.
My brothers are very NT. Can't explain it, one is 13, and the other is 10... They are very naughty with me, saying I'm a very poor-skilled eldest brother, and I'm very self-centred and narcissist. Well, all that is true, but I really can't help it, particularly for being poor-skilled as the eldest. They might be jealous that my parents cares very much about me (take me to the psychiatrist, etc.) and not very much about them. But they can be very kind when I'm not too aggressive and angry. We don't even talk of the youngest, my pink-dressed little sister, who loves Winx Club, Barbies, Pet Shops and all that crap. She is the only one to be spoilt, while being very aggressive to everyone. The person who understands me the best is my paternal grandmother, who is an understanding grandmother. She is nearly 70, but she is really active and has an exterior view (so a more true view)of the familial situation. She could had been psychiatrist, but unfortunately she didn't have the funds to do a medicine university. The rest of the family don't know about my problem and know I'm neurotypical.


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