Makes no sense (or I'm much more ret*d than I thought)

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I have discussed this with my IEP teacher/Guidance councillor and this friend does have AS. Teachers aren't allowed to tell me what he has or what he struggles with, but since I told the teacher that he told me he has AS, the teacher has discussed it with me, confirming it to be true.

Still, it seems like he's having fun on a power trip, and playing head games with you. I'd tell him that you'd like to start over,and pretend none of this whole inferior stuff got brought up. If he lets it go, and is decent toward you, than it was unintentional, if he doesn't I'd suggest staying away from him. Good friends don't act like they have some sort of secret about your life that only they know, but won't tell you about. I had "friends" that used to do that to me all the time. It took me a long time to figure out that they were just playing around with me, because I was so naive.

God that guy sounds like a bully. About him having AS, I think he is indeed a liar because he lied to you. He said he thinks he might have it and it turns out he really does.


When he said he was autistic and doesn't have the traits, he probably meant he outgrew the traits and now he shows none. Very few do outgrow the condition because they no longer have any traits.

I really want to figure out what "it" is (see last page)...

I didn't get the feeling he was playing with you.
I got the feeling he didn't know how to handle the topic or how to explain.
The topic was awkward and personal.
He is just a kid. 9th grade, you said? They're not perfect.
Also, he didn't expect his casual conversation to be cross-examined by a bunch of adults.

Maybe if you let it go and settle for a more casual friendship.

I want to let it go, but he doesn't. At least not until I figure out what he meant by "it" when he said "you just don't get it".

Tell the teachers he is harassing you. If someone did that to me, I would complain. If he still does it, I would start getting in fights with him, physical ones.


Can you ignore him? Don't respond to him.

You don't understand. I want to be his friend. We were getting along fine until this problem started.
A teacher does know. He is the guidance councillor of me and my friend. He's also our IEP person, helping us with our IEP-related (in this case AS) issues. He thinks that the kinds of things I've tried to talk to this friend about are things that most teenagers never even consider or think about, and the things my friend has said have been "cop outs". He is also aware that my friend is playing mind games with me for his own amusement.
I could avoid this friend and he wouldn't follow me. I could tell him that the friendship is over. But I don't want to.

Update #4:
I didn't talk to my friend at lunch today because, instead of sitting on the stairs, he spent his whole lunch talking to some other students in the cafeteria. I didn't go up to him, I just left him alone.
My IEP teacher/Guidance councillor talked to him yesterday and told me today that he got the impression that he (my friend) has been thinking about some of the stuff I've talked to him about, because like this teacher has said, most teenagers don't think about a lot of that stuff.

Update #5:
Just like yesterday, he spent his whole lunch talking to some other students in the cafeteria. About 15 minutes ago he unblocked me on MSN for a minute or two, and this is what was said:

Him: "you're an idiot, you know that? you assume way too f***ing much"
Me: "okay"
Him: "and yes, I did just unblock you to yell at you"
Me: "okay. i just don't want you to reblock me. i'm scared that you have in fact left me, like you said you wouldn't."
Him: "as I said, you assume way too f***ing much"
Me: "It seems you stay in the cafe and spend time with other people because you don't want to spend time with me. You like them better? That's understandable, especially considering recent events"
Him: "f*** you're an idiot. I'll unblock you when you learn what you did wrong. By the way, I'm a man of my words. A man who assumes the worst always gets what he wants. True or not, he gets it."
He blocked me, but then he unblocked me for a second to add:
Him: "by the way, I have more friends than just you"
He had reblocked me before I had time to say "I know".

I'm almost certain that what I did wrong was that I was being pessimistic and assuming the worst.

I'd block him if I were you so he would never IM me again and abuse me. Unless he creates another account. But I would keep blocking him every time he IMs me. I would know it's him just by the things he is saying.

Well ....

I find myself actually torn between saying he's a controlling, emotionally abusive jerk, and ....

that he's absolutely right. About believing in yourself, and accepting yourself.

But if he really wants you to believe in yourself, to see yourself in a more positive light, then he should also control the name calling and the "suck it up" speech.

So either he has a worthy goal but lacks the social skills to accomplish it properly, or he pretends to have a worthy goal in order to keep you pinned down through emotional abuse.

I haven't met him, so I can't say which it is.

Either way, he is far less perfect that you are giving him credit for.

But you do need to have a better opinion of yourself. And you do need to try less hard to force conversation and friendship. Trying hard to accomplish something and improve yourself is a worthy goal, but trying hard to please someone else or to gain something from someone else is doomed to failure.

Perhaps that last paragraph is the "it" you seek.

Obvious that others are doing great?

I have a friend who I greatly admire. Extremely pretty, thin, smart, rich, beautiful kids, always really nice, always helpful, always seems to have it together, people want to be around her.

So what is her life like?

Well,

There is the orphaned niece who fell into drugs and other dangerous habits to the point where my friend had to take her in, eventually find a treatment home, etc., all while trying to care for two very young children.

There is the medical condition her son has that doctors couldn't figure out.

The cancer scare in her 4 year old daughter.

And much more that I can't even think of right now. You wouldn't know of ANY of those things unless you were very close to her. She isn't going to share it.

Then there is the guy I went to high school with. He was the man on campus, very popular, good student, everything. I wasn't friends with him then; we became friends some 10 years later. And then I learned the truth. His struggles with addictions, his messed up family, his difficulty finding a job that he could feel good in. All those years ago, when he was part of a crowd I aspired to, he wished he could have the security and sense of self that people like me seemed to have. He knew who I was back in high school, he thought highly of me. I would never have believed it.

Friends like these have taught me something, and taught it to me well: NO ONE GETS IT ALL. We only think they do, sitting on the outside looking in.

You can't live life comparing yourself to what you think is "obvious," what you think others have. Because it isn't nearly as "obvious" as you think it is.

It sounds like he just wants to be left alone. Maybe some time in the future you can try again.

Update #6:
Last night I emailed the last MSN conversation me and my "friend" had (see Update #5) to my IEP Teacher/Guidance Councillor and today I got his response. Here's what he had to say about it:

"I feel this friendship/experiment has become very unhealthy (verging on cyber bullying) and you as the older and wiser person should "move on" immediately. Real friends aren't cryptic, abusive and exclusionary -- real friends are open, supportive and sharing. [This friend] doesn't seem like he has the qualities of a good friend yet -- however, this may change as he gets older and experiences more. I would "cut all ties" for now."

Some of you guys (e.g. Spokane_Girl) have told me to stop being friends with him. But you guys don't know him. My IEP Teacher/Guidance Councillor does know him. I guess I know what I need to do...

Hey I was only trying to help. I don't understand why you would want to be friends with someone who doesn't treat you with respect. I've learned to not have friends who aren't nice to me.

Back then I was so desperate for friends, I took anyone as a friend. I had friends who were mean to me. Then one day I decided screw it and dumped them. I have even blocked online jerks because they wouldn't stop talking to me. The others, they never IMed me again after I told them I don't want them talking to me ever.


Sorry if I've pissed you off. I won't bother you anymore in this thread.