Would you like to be kids again?

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My childhood wasn't entirely easy but I didn't carry around the same kind of existential weight that I do now as an adult. As a child I experienced plenty of frustration and periods of self-pity but never the emptiness. I could escape reality more easily with games and obsessions. Real depression didn't hit until my middle teens. Before that I was less aware and somehow happier.

Sometimes. It was back when I didn't need to work to pay my own bills to have a roof over my head and I didn't need to worry about buying food and gas. My parents paid for my clothes and everything I needed. I lived in a house and I didn't have to worry about "I can't afford this place" because my parents paid for it because of my dad's successful job.


But I am also glad I am an adult because I can make my own choices, not be told how to live my life and what I can't do. I can still do things kids can do like watch kid shows and movies, play video games, color, etc.

What I love about adulthood is that I can still do all the things I did as a kid...and now can do whatever else I want, as I'm an adult; yes, I have responsibilities, but absolutely love having them. It's a good feeling to know you're trusted with high-end responsibilities.

I wouldn't mind if such an opportunity arose. But only if I retain all the memories and knowledge I have now, there'd be no point to it otherwise.

I'd mostly just scare the living daylights out of people by predicting certain events (a couple of towers in NY will go bye-bye), mess around with the teachers, work on talking to girls, make sure I get a diagnosis earlier and maybe learn how to play the piano.

But see...then we wouldn't be where we are now, if we did that; that's why I prefer where I'm at now.

The whole concept is a paradox, but it doesn't hurt to fantasise about it.

i like it how it is now, so i would not want to go back to being a kid.

Judging by the home videos of me I have been watching I seemed happier when I was a kid.

Life was certainly more fun and I was more normal as a child so I'd certainly be open to re-live those days if I ever could.

I was extremely excited about adulthood when i was younger too. When I was 20 i was thinking that when i moved out I can have all of the toys and do all of the kiddie things that I wanted to do as a child that i never got a chance to and/or had time to due to being in school and going to day care. But then my mom and this autism agency put me in a group home and I was forced to forgo some of those things, due to being told what to do and this "schedule" they put you on so i would not be able to do those things. Being an independent adult you can come home and only need to clean for 1 hour a week, so I can have all of my free time to do kid things. but the staff and the agency are manipulators and make sure I have no time for these things. But at least for the past 4 months, I got them off my back since there are budget cuts and I am no longer getting my own staff anymore, but they still "check" on me once in a while, which I hate. That is why I am so glad to be getting out.

I look about thirteen years old even though I'm seventeen so in a way its like I am still in childhood. People treat me differently than people the same age as me. I noticed I get away with a lot more stuff at school. Plus, I never had a date or offer of one since I look old enough to be their younger sibling or sister. When I go into a freshman class and they think I'm one of them. I basically have to scream at them that I'm a senior. Although its cool that I have the element of surprise.

If I could go back to being younger, I'd love to go back to elementary and middle school knowing what I do now. I think 8-13 would be perfect since I had no cares or worries. Plus, I'm kind of emotionally immature and kids seem to be so more innocent at that age. Things were simple and now its more complex than a Mobius Integral.

Well imagine those playing on every night of the week for a week, at ten times the volume with: drunk adults, rowdy kids who'd drunk too much Coca-Cola and animal costumed entertainers all caterwauling into the small hours.

It wasn't a pretty picture...

It's a miracle I even survived it.


I felt so left out and lonely too.

One of the garishly clad entertainers repeatedly tried to drag me into the conga line.
He was grinning like a Cheshire Cat and waving his arms about in a strange way.

Part of me desperately wanted a friend, the other part screamed:

"WHY DOESN'T HE LET ME FINISH EATING MY DRY ROASTED PEANUTS FIRST?
HELP. GET ME OUT OF HERE! TOO MUCH NOISE. TOO MANY PEOPLE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. ARRRGH!"


Just I couldn't sync up with the other kids.
I tried a couple of times, but I couldn't keep up with all the actions: it was so embarrassing.

It was a complete mismatch between me and the tacky, crowded surroundings.

While my childhood was good, there sure were a dark couple of years in there. I wouldn't go back, though. I am such a different person now than I was then... not different in character, but certainly in maturity. My main interests now are almost completely unrelated to my main interests in elementary and high school. I can't imagine life without my current interests.

If I could go back into my childhood and be diagnosed with AS, I wouldn't do it, either.

I just wish stupid society wouold leave me alone
about what I do and don't do as long
as I do not break the law.

If it would SHUT THEM UP I would shrink
down to 7 years old and so I can play
again without some jackboot butting in
to my life.

I don't see why I can't still play with my
hotwheels like I always have and colour
on the sidewalk/pavement like I always have,
it is not against the law.

I am just the way I am I don't see why stupid
society butts into my life and tries to make me
someone I am not.

I wear my Pooh and Tigger, so what? Is there
a law against it? No. so whats the problem
with those poopyfaces?

Thank goodness here in the western state
that I live in, no one beanhatches about
how I am, they seem to accept that.

No way!