HAVING AN AUTISTIC CHILD WRECKS YOUR LIFE!! by Carol Sarler

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Thank you for your reply

Bedtime for me here in the UK, so will quickly just ask........................Why is the child trying to push the parent down the stairs? Let's go back to ABC

A = Antecedent

B = Behaviour

C = Consequences.

Start with A and maybe we can explain B!

Maybe another reason could be extreme frustration at not being able to communicate? Possibly a Sensory Integration Disorder? Maybe something else equally as relevant and serious.

Let us all stop blaming anyone, especially the child. Let's just LEARN, understand and love. It doesn't take money just time.

Will catch up with the thread tomorrow, night all, stay safe

Respect and discipline, both. Those are basic parts of parenting. Otherwise you could stop respecting your child as a person and as someone you love the second things became difficult.

That only works for NT children. ASDers tend not to attach the punishment to what they did, or at least that was my experience. For ASDers, you need to explain to them, and be firm, but kind. You have to let them know that the behaviour is unacceptable in a different way. NT children do not get spankings, whatever, unless what they did deserves such action, and non violence is preferred, but again, you have to be able to have the child understand what they did is wrong, and a punishment is supposed to remind them not to do it again, but only works if they understand what they did was wrong.

I hate Autism! I hate it like AIDS or Cancer! I hate that I have it, one of my brothers has it, and that my father has it! My father constantly yelled at me and my brother hit me. This is not a blessing. I almost ruined my reputation when I was younger because of the things I kept doing and saying; now I sometimes have shyness problems because I'm afraid I'm going to say something that's going to get me into trouble. I was never ever shy until now, never ever before. I hate having Autism and so does my brother. I may be beautiful and intelligent, but that wouldn't have mattered at all if I hadn't met my boyfriend who cares so much about me and tries to work with me when I do something stupid. Autism is not something to be proud of, it must be cured. I have two brothers, no sisters. My Autistic brother is much more severely Autistic than I am and has embarrassed my family many times; when I was younger I didn't understand that we were in different places on the spectrum and I felt a lot of guilt because I thought I acted out as much as he did. I wanted to be like everyone else and not embarrass my family. I don't feel smarter even though in some ways I am; I feel tainted and ashamed. Every time I see someone being touched or hugged by someone other than a boyfriend/girlfriend or same sex friend, I feel terrible because those are the only people who can touch or hug me without making me uncomfortable. I feel like I've been give so many good things, intelligence, plenty of money, beauty, a great boyfriend, amazing friends, a great school, but I had to get Autism. I wish someone will find a cure, but I know they won't and I've already almost finishing out my childhood. There are so many stupid, little things that I remember and feel extremely ashamed. I think about having a large family, but I don't want to because I'm afraid of having an Autistic child what will happen to me and my family. Generally, I imagine Autistic people as being like my brother, not like me, so that will scare me more when it comes to thinking about having an Autistic child. I feel like not having children at all; that makes me feel terrible.

My parents' lives have not been ruined at all. This author is an idiot with a limited amount of knowledge on autism and an incredibly strong prejudice based on a FEW bad experiences.

Alex, you shouldn't be ashamed of being autistic, it's part of who you are and isn't a bad thing. You are not your brother, either, you are you.

Oh Alex, how sad you feel like that, I can read the frustration and angst in your post. I am autistic too, my H drowns out the autism so life gets a bit high octane for me sometimes.............but ya know what, given the choice would I choose to be reborn NT? Don't even have to think about it, NO! Yes of course being on the spectrum can be harsh and frustrating at times, often I have held my head in my hands at my behaviour or words that just fall out of my mouth when my brain is not looking.

My mum was/is a cold mum, she and I don't speak now but it has shown me how NOT to be to my children. Being on the spectrum makes me and my kids what we are today, yep there are tons of folk who I would drive round the bend and back again BUT there are also folk who love our sense of fun, risk, inappropriateness, vulnerability and strength. Without being on the rainbow I would not be the person I am today, yes it has taken years to discover who really is inside my skin but at last I feel comfortable with it.

Please don't lose hope Alex, you have many wonderful talents that NT's would pay good money for, but creativity, difference and uniqueness is what makes the world such an interesting place. So find the beauty inside yourself and enjoy it. Don't dwell on the past, it is gone and done with................hard I know (take it from one that knows), you cannot alter the past but you can make the future so much happier.................dunno if you are a huggy soul, I am so I hope you don't mind if I send you a cyber hug

And you know what!? If you are on the spectrum, then one or maybe both of your parents may be too!? So bear that in mind when you next worry about being inappropriate.................bet they have been too on many occasions. They are very lucky to have you, my mum actually is very lucky to have me but sadly she does/did not see that and now we don't speak. Don't feel alone Alex, embrace the spectrum and all the beauties it holds, it aint all bad.........................I promise. Take care x

Yeah, I mean I still have a lot of self-injury and accidental injury of others during meltdown, but it mostly has to do with various triggers that could be avoided for the most part, or when they've been triggered, to be dampened. But even those who really ought to know better seem to be totally clueless. I sometimes wonder if my mom has memory problems or something; I know I'm not the sharpest with memory either.

not an army of volunteers. Some are better equipped to deal with the challenges than others. I see parents who are woefully uneducated about the condition and with very little if any outside support. There is absolutely no doubt that they are unbelievably overwhelmed. My child has had some health conditions making him quite clingy and uncomfortable most of his early life. There were times I wondered how I'd ever get through it. Without educating myself about his condition and having the support of friends (emotional) and family (emotional and time), I think I would have lost it by now. It was in fact during the worst of his health problems that I found myself exhibiting more of the "classic" spectrum characteristics. But his issues are hopefully not going to be lifelong and let's face it, we can't sugar coat how devastating it can be to parent a child with significant and life-long issues, particularly when it isn't possible to engage in the most basic communication. However, it seems that the family in that article may be stuck in the grieving phase and are not aware of helpful therapies or support services. I hope someone in the UK can point them in the right direction.

I think I could republish this article with a few editorial changes. And the title is all wrong. It needs to be something more along the lines of...

Being born an Autistic child to ignorant and self-centred parents wrecks your life!!

Much better, and more accurate.

Seriously, these people sound like they would have reacted the same no matter what child they had. They'd be semi-suicidal if their kid turned out to be a bed-wetter or spoke with a slight lisp. "Oh, woe is me, my kid isn't like all the kids I see on the sit-coms! And they'll never be prom king/queen or captain of the football team! Shoot me now! If only we could abort and try again and again..."

Some people just crave something to hang the victim sign upon and ring their bell, begging for pity.

Of course it can be hard. I've seen how much of a handful a severely Autistic kid can be. But some parents just shouldn't have any kids... or a dog... or goldfish.

Aw Alex, your post made me really sad. I get what you're saying, this can be hard to live with. But like you said, you have been blessed with so much. I hope one day you can accept yourself and your autism, because I bet you're a cool person.

Carol Sarler appears to be saying it is better off if Tom was not born.

Tom is already here. Lamentation such as this does nothing for the situation. Carol should take her son to a child psychologist and figure out why he is violent or otherwise behaving inappropriately.

This very sentiment describes ever single participant on this forum.

Hasty generalization much?

You seem to be trying to put people down simply because you disagree with them. Tip: This is not a good debate strategy.

Well, I'll half agree with you. Not that very sentiment, and not every single participant, but, yeah, we here also often have some pretty strong opinions about autism in general based on our own limited experience and knowledge.

I grew up undiagnosed or supported. I was severely abused by my drug crazed stepmother. She told me I wrecked her life. I remember it so clearly that I could almost slip back in time.

Children, even autistic ones like I was, REMEMBER. This child will remember being accused of such that thing not in realistic control. It will affect the rest of this child's life. What terrible guilt to inflict upon a child, any child.

I did not read this article. If I do, I may be triggered and I have to avoid that. I would feel the need to track people with such abusive thoughts down and yell and scream at them.

This child was not created by spontaneous miracle birth. When you have a child, you are duty and honor bound to the their greatest defender. To claim that a child can be responsible for the utter destruction of your life is not only irresponsible but insane.