What are some common social cues that you don't catch?
Shaking your head "no" can mean several things. Usually the facial expressions also convey information
- with eyes wide = stop saying that in front of a third person. There are reasons why that person should not hear this that you seem to be unaware of.
- with eyebrows drawn together = I think what you are saying is wrong or stupid but I will not comment and be rude to you
- with sad face = I hear your sad experience/news and sympathise with your/their pain
They sigh, roll their eyes, aren't looking at you, are not saying a word and they don't ask you any questions about what you are telling them. I read all this in an autism book about social cues and it was teaching you social skills and how to read people basically.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
Taking over a conversation and trying to direct it my way
Not knowing the topic has changed so while everyone else has moved on, I am still stick on what we were talking about so I will keep talking about it
Husband trying to leave the room and I keep on talking and I don't notice he wants to sit down so he is trying to leave
Saying inappropriate things during a conversation and doing TMI
And one thing I am definitely aware of is interrupting and when to change topics and how to end a conversation without being rude.
Taking things as criticism or as them being critical or being negative. Mom points this out to me.
Thinking people are mad when they yell at me or assume they are annoyed with me
Pretty much me to all of these as well.
They sigh, roll their eyes, aren't looking at you, are not saying a word and they don't ask you any questions about what you are telling them. I read all this in an autism book about social cues and it was teaching you social skills and how to read people basically.
Oh....I'll look for that.
Holy crap this just happened to me today at work, I'm a bagger at the commissary on the base I live by and I was taking out this mans groceries and when he tried to hand me a tip I did not see the money in his hand and thought that he was offering me a handshake, when I shook his hand is when I realized he was trying to tip me, awkward.
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Autism Quotient - 44
Empathy Quotient - 8
Mind in the Eyes ? 18
Systemizing quotient - 52
Aspie-quiz ? AS: 151 NT: 61
I don't get.sarcasm or double meanings often or when someone pauses for me to talk versus a pause foe some sort of intonation or meaning.
For example on a group gathering women's said something along.the lines of liking her cookies with nuts. Then everyone laughed and I was.lime are you allergic? ... silence. So you like almond cookies? Everyone laughed. I didn't get it for a while.
Then there's the time a friend told me " nah I don't do that!" And I was like you just did! And she was like I WAS being sarcastic mood killer. -_-
Have a blank expression/don't smile enough.
Don't know when it's time to change the subject (actually, sometimes I can feel that I should change the subject but I can't - I have a compulsion to finish my thought.)
Don't always respond when spoken to (I don't always notice, or know how to respond).
Sometimes say something inappropriate for the situation/company.
Am mean and snarky - usually when I'm trying to be funny.
Sounds like me.
Mostly the stop talking/stop asking questions cue.
Whenever I learn about something new, like a new online video game, I tend to ask people lots of questions about the various systems and mechanics in the game. My cousin tends to bear the brunt of those, but I also alienated one of my favorite origami artists by asking him about different techniques at a convention and he became very cross with me. I was already finding it hard to speak to anyone period, but I fear talking to them anymore and going to the conventions if I might be seen as an annoyance to them. I often got that from people in school as it was... I also get many sighs during staff meetings because I try to understand new rule changes and policies, but it tends to earn me the same response. I've also tried to just stop asking/making comments at all and let come what may and just tell them the truth if they ask me why I didn't follow the rules/policy correctly.
Other than that, "chivalry/courtesy" type customs are annoying and hard to predict how to handle. I've been scolded for both opening doors for women/men and not opening doors for men/women, the same goes for carrying objects or heavy loads. I've learned how specific people will react, but others seem to contradict themselves no matter what I do... For instance, my assistant director will deny help carrying heavy boxes that I would struggle with and go out of her way to insult me for it, then also complain when I don't immediately help her move a table that I could move by myself. It is something that I've accepted I cannot change/improve upon.
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BAP: 103 aloof / 100 rigid / 103 pragmatic
AQ: 40 EQ: 8 SQ: 114
Aspie: AS-156/200 NT-56/200
RAADS-R: 189 total
Diagnosed 9/2013
I always thought that, if you have something to say, you wait for that small pause and go. It’s sort of like waiting in line. Once there is a pause, anyone who is waiting can go. Isn't that how it works? Or, are there some other rules I don’t know about?
Somehow, I must miss those nicey-nice double meanings and mind games. How do we recognize what someone says is not what they mean? By the way, I agree with having honest, intelligent conversation.
When things don't add up. Eg: someone who stopped calling you gives you a "lecture" on how you stopped calling them. This is some kind of twisted mind game that people love to play because they understand each other perfectly. I don't. I have no idea why someone would engage in this.
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There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats - Albert Schweitzer
I am sometimes told when I miss things after the fact. At a party, apparently a guy was trying to lean in and kiss me when he said goodbye and I just stone-faced him and said "okay, goodbye!" and walked away. Everyone thought that was hilarious, I honestly had no idea that was what was going on.
I've also been told I monopolize conversations, turn it back to my topic when it's not about that anymore, etc. My GP actually said "you never smile" and I replied by saying that I thought I was smiling right then. Apparently, I wasn't smiling.
When I am interested in someone romantically, I've been told I lean in too much and stare with creepy intensity.
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"Look at you lot, all so vacant. Is it nice not being me? It must be so relaxing" - Sherlock
AQ: 44
IQ: 167
Aspie Quiz Result: 185/200
NT result: 22/200
BAP: 132 aloof, 108 rigid and 121 pragmatic
I just hate when that happens. Just when a topic gets interesting, they want to change the subject to something else. Any attempts to revert back to the more interesting topic are deflected.
It happens to me all the time, with just about everyone. Yeah - I realize that the stuff I am interested in talking about might be considered limited (and perhaps boring).
I think this is one of the reasons why I have just about given up trying to interact with people. We were with my wife's friends the other night. I just listened to people talk about whatever they wanted. Rarely saying anything. It is so much easier (and more entertaining) to simply to be by myself with my computer.
I'm sure there are a million I don't catch and just don't know it
However, off the top of my head, here is one situation:
I'm with person A and person B. Person A says something that is probably meant only for person B because they know each other better than I know them, or some other reason.
I respond to person A, thinking the comment or question is meant for both of us. But then I notice person A talking in this slightly muted voice with a different accent, very subtly reminding me that person A and person B are having a conversation and I'm not supposed to interject.
BTW, has anyone else noticed this? When you're with other people and they say something only meant for one other person, their voice and tone change ever so slightly and subtly, but you know that you are excluded from the conversation.
(I've had this happen when one person is of a different nationality than me, and suppose the other person present is also of that race. The "person A" in that situation speaks with more of an accent to indicate that hey, I'm not in the conversation any longer.
Anyway, don't mean to digress, but this is a cue I've noticed quite frequently and wonder if I'm catching it when it is too late... ![]()
StarTrekker
Veteran
Joined: 22 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,088
Location: Starship Voyager, somewhere in the Delta quadrant
I guess one of my biggest problems is saying stuff I shouldn't; I say things too bluntly or tell strangers things about our family that they'd rather not have people know, like the time I told someone who was interested in buying our parrot that he's mean and he bites, or the time I told my (relatively new) step father that my mom could get really vicious when she was upset... she told me later that she didn't want him to know that, though I still don't 100% understand why; he asked, it was the truth with no exaggeration, and I made it clear that it only happens occasionally and that she's not usually like that... which he knows since he's been married to her for almost a year. I also have a very hard time with subtle facial expressions. I know people are trying to communicate something but have no idea what, or I guess and totally get it wrong. Case in point, I was watching Criminal Minds tonight and one of the characters gave another a subtle smirk, then one of his co-workers laughed at his expression and said "Could you be any more obvious?" while I was still trying to unscramble what had happened; as far as I was concerned, he wasn't obvious at all! When watching TV with my family, it's not unusual for me to have to ask, "What does that face mean?" because it just looks blank to me, or what I think it means doesn't make sense in th context of the dialogue.
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"Survival is insufficient" - Seven of Nine
Diagnosed with ASD level 1 on the 10th of April, 2014
Rediagnosed with ASD level 2 on the 4th of May, 2019
Thanks to Olympiadis for my fantastic avatar!
atom84
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 21 May 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 31
Location: Where the winds come sweeping down the plains
[quote="GiantHockeyFan"]Apparently, my girlfriend (and another older female) both pointed out that girls hit on me literally everyday and I do not notice it at all. I didn't even know my girlfriend was the least bit interested during our first date until she grabbed my hand and held it and later told me how many hints she dropped. It was obvious in retrospect but I had no idea at the time. If that wasn't bad enough, the few times I was "sure" a girl was really into me and I made a move (NOT physical or sexual) I quickly found out I was 100%, dead wrong and one even informally reported me at work.
I make this social faux pas all the time, although it works out a different ending on the latter than what you have experienced since I'm a girl, unfortunately. I will bluntly ask a guy who I think is interested in me if he is, he informs me that he really wasn't, but then gets curious at my boldness and notices I'm not bad looking, so he then asks for a date anyways
As for the fact I am also bisexual, I do not understand woman at all, men seem to be the simpler species to analyze (sorry for the bluntness guys) and I have only seen one woman intimately a few times while a couple of others were simply "experimental" for one night. I misread women all the time and mistake it for sexual when it's not because of my orientation, which is as awkward as it gets when it comes to the rejections on that end.
