The site where they BASH Aspie husband and wives. :O

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Kind of depends on the people. But I agree that balance is key. It isn't about you, it isn't about your spouse--it's about your relationship.

Humans, so complicated. I like machines so much better. No agendas, no back-stabbing, no excuses.

Survivor ? The AI version

Wait for it. It's coming.

I feel sorry for the aspies who marry people like her. With her comment about "under their control" she makes it clear she doesn't understand autism at all, and as for "stopped being his special interest" it sounds like she's interpreting the normal end of the honeymoon phase as some kind of dirty aspie trick. I'm glad I didn't marry an NT.

It's a possibility his interest changed or they grew apart and she is blaming it on AS. That happens in marriages sometimes with anyone where they grow apart because their interests change or one of them changes so it makes them both incompatible.

He may not even have Asperger's, maybe she just thinks he does.

"There's simply nothing in this for me since I stopped being his special interest....not one of my needs are met, I rarely laugh anymore (ever)...this marriage is just nonstop misery. I never get a break from him, ever....we work together so he is always five feet away from me. I have to hide to post on this forum! !"

This doesn't sound like a issue related to someone being aspie. This is more of a generalize relationship problem as a result of not communicating which that can happen with anyone when people don?t practice good open communication. Many that aren't aspie are bad at communicating when it comes to a relationship. In fact, I find many aspies are good at communicating openly about issues when it involves friendships and relationships and they are open to listen when there?s a problem-- I have many friends who are aspie and I have seen this time and time again, and me being aspie I am also always there to listen or to let a person i'm close know there's something that needs to be discussed. If she feels like she is feeling smothered and "can?t ever get a break from him", then she needs to clearly communicate the issue with him by being specific about it. I have a feeling she is either afraid to communicate under false assumptions that he may not "get it" because he has a disability but I know he would.

?For now, I stay because my children deserve NOT to live in poverty and that is my alternative (although frankly we are only barely getting by as it is, it might not be so very different except they will have to change schools and we would be on public assistance and lose our insurance)...it's so hard to know what to do. I cry almost every day. ?

If the husband is making a lot of money, then separating wouldn't be that big of an issue in terms of finances because he can still give the kids child support income, and the kids can use his insurance. Worse case scenario, if the mother cannot make money and it would be too hard for the kids to witness that, then the kids can live with their father for the majority at his house while the mother gets up on his feet, or the father can come up with some kind of other agreement in regard to helping the mother financially for the kids.

?I so wish I could warn other potential AS partners- do not, do not, DO not waste your precious life!! !! The pain is completely invisible to outsiders......once you're "in" and the Aspie has you safely under their control, no one in your life really knows what things are like for you except a few close friends. To the rest of the world, everything looks fine, and your unhappiness becomes your own private grief to bear. It is compounded by guilt- you are dealing with someone who is genuinely disabled, who in many ways cannot even comprehend how or why you are even affected by their behavior, who refuses to accept even the tiniest fraction of responsibility for their own behaviors and the consequences of them. At some point you come to feel as if your Aspie has attached themselves to you as some sort of emotional parasite- sucking away every precious drop of your energy, patience, money, time and happiness. ?

I have asperger?s and I have a wonderful relationship with a great girlfriend and she is very happy to be with me. She tells me all the time how happy she is with me, how she enjoys the fact that I have asperger?s, and that being around me is never boring. I always make her laugh and if I ever suspect that she wasn't happy then I would understand. If she ever decided that she did want to leave me, I would support it, and honor her decision even if it would be hard because I would want her to be happy. The last thing I would ever want to do is feel like I smother her, wrapped myself around her finger or have her feel like she's wasting her life with someone she wasn't happy with.

?Sometimes it is all just too much. I want my old life and my old self back, with all the opportunities and joys I used to take for granted. Oh how I wish I could undo this terrible mistake without causing still more damage....." . ?

This doesn't sound like a problem related to someone with Asperger?s, this sounds more like a situation that can happen with any type of person where they are do afraid to leave or get out of something they are not happy with. This sound like mostly her problem and it seems to be stemming from her own personal fears and insecurities and not taking responsibility for it. She is not taking responsibility to do what she feels best for her and is, instead, playing victim which isn't fair for her husband. Abuse doesn't happen unless there is a victim that allows it. The relationship is simply not a match, and she?s allowing this to continue which in terms is really her causing abuse which isn't good for herself as well as her husband. Do you think her husband may have gotten distant due to her nature of being weak, and allowing this vulnerability to effect him, the marriage, and possibly the kids?

If she is not happy then all she needs to do is do something about it. Talk about it, communicate, talk to a marriage counselor, or leave instead of staying victim mode by complaining and blaming her husband and further more blaming his disability.

If you were still in any doubt, this new thread I'm linking to here really shows up that forum for what it is:

http://forums.delphiforums.com/ASPartners/messages/?msg=13247.1

Wow, just WOW!

I actually feel only compassion for the OP on the thread I just linked to. Her situation sounds awful, and I certainly don't think it's all her fault like she's contemplating. It's the replies that are really shocking, and reply number 3 in particular (incidentally made by the one who seems to be head moderator of the forum).

When I saw the original post I was immediately curious how it would be answered. It's a rare example of someone admitting the part they may have played in the relationship breakdown. The problem (as it sounds on the surface) is sadly a pretty common one. Partner A cheats on partner B, and partner B simply fails to get over it, forgive them and trust again. I've heard this story time and time again, and even with partner B carrying their jealousy to future relationships and sabotaging them too. No way is this specific to aspies. Nor does her boyfriend even sound particularly aspie from the information provided. People harbouring resentment towards their partner which they cannot let go of, yet still clinging to the relationship is also common - something many of the other posters in that forum seem to be doing in fact!

I had been wondering if the regulars on that forum would leap to their usual conclusions and screech that it's typical aspie behaviour and they can never change blah blah. In fact some of their replies were so much worse than that. I mean, where do I even begin... the poster of reply number 3 talks about how she is seeing aspies everywhere now, like she's on some kind of paranoid witch hunt. She then says:

Truly that statement says it all. They "learned" by reading stories by others who were "pissed and bewildered". Is this an objective way to educate yourself? I think not. On top of that, the thread (and many others) clearly illustrate just how much they will happily assume from so little information. It's just twisted and taken as further proof of what they already believed.

In truth I am happy about the replies on that thread, as I think we all should be. They are final confirmation of just how badly some of those forum users have lost the plot, and how their slander is reflective of nobody but themselves and their own unhappy relationships.

Last edited by JPS on 29 May 2014, 5:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I noticed, among other things, that she says "who refuses to accept even the tiniest fraction of responsibility for their own behaviors and the consequences of them" ... yet she blames her partner for everything and takes no responsibility herself. I also dislike he fact that she generalises, "their own behaviors" instead of "his own behavior", etc.

There are actually a few new gems in that forum that appeared in the last few days.

Here again is that bstn woman talking about how we "lack empathy". Absolutely every single post in that forum made by this woman (not only in that thread) is utterly disgusting vile vitriol against us aspies, everything from how we don't have real feelings to how our only aim in life is to control other people:

http://forums.delphiforums.com/ASPartners/messages/?msg=13247.1

In this other one, the OP appears to be describing an emotional affair with a married man, who she claims to have Asperger's, though saying it was just friendship. So far so good but the very first reply says that aspies in general are not capable of actual friendships, which apparently only occur between 2 NT's. Peasantlady, in the third reply makes it seems like emotional affairs and infidelity are a uniquely aspie trait, as though we would think that's a moral thing to do. UnrealLife, in the fifth reply says that whatever empath we have, it "doesn't match hers", not that I would want her empathy anyway because she certainly does not seem to have empathy for our issues. Of course, bstn is up to her usual aspie-bashing tricks.

http://forums.delphiforums.com/ASPartners/messages/?msg=13362.1

Then there's this one, posted only this morning:

http://forums.delphiforums.com/ASPartners/messages/?msg=13362.1

I think that she's referring to the admin of another Delphi forum called AS & Relationships that work. I've looked at this links too and I haven't seen any at all that suggest that you must con the AS partner to think that he must of come up with the idea himself in order to consider another point of view, neither do they suggest that he is always right. They only suggest ways of communicating with the AS spouse/partner so I don't know where she got that from.

Hilarious quote from the third response:

"Their level of understanding is handicapped on a celular level..."

What?! lol.

ASPERGER'S IS IN YOUR CELLS.

According to that thread, we're incapable of love, apparently.

My wife stumbled on that site and she (NT) was far more outraged than I. Her comments on what she saw there were beyond unprintable and I must admit they warmed my heart

I wonder what she said. Post her words here.

Poor guy.
NTs will do anything in order to rationalize their greed for money and euphoria.

Hahahaha, we vent about them all the time! Folks do it here quite a bit.