Aspergers is not an excuse.

Post Reply New Topic

Thanks.

The interview practice wasn't fun at all. I knew I had to try my best, and that I would probably mess it up, so putting as much effort into it as possible was definitely needed. I even had to memorise body movements.

I don't see why people are annoyed. Good on you, mate. Best of luck with everything.

Also I've learned you can't judge another person's hardships, on any scale, ever. No-one knows the suffering and pain another has dealt with, ever. You can't compare it to your own. Ever, as you don't know.

It's a shame a positive and motivational post has become a petty argument about "who has had it worse".

You don't know. If someone doesn't mention it on here, it doesn't mean they haven't felt it. If someone has a small success, it doesn't mean they haven't had 10000 failures. If someone tries to focus on the positive, it doesn't mean they haven't had an *extremely* hard life. If someone seems to be popular, it doesn't mean they really are.

Hi Hale Bopp....haven't seen you in a LONG time!

Last time I saw you, I was a rookie!

Let's see. You are the one who is rudely effing and blinding, and I am the one who is merely gently trying to draw your attention to the fact that (contrary to what you claim) you have been lucky in life.



Sweetheart, as far as I recall, not one single person on this thread has complained about your success. Not one. Everybody has dropped into this thread to congratulate you (myself included). We are genuinely happy for you that your life has worked out so great. All that some of us have complained about is that you chose to use your own success to preach at other people with AS and tell us that we have no "excuse" not to achieve our goals.

You are the one who is being toxic here. You need to calm down, take a deep breath, go and re-read the thread and notice what has actually been said.

You have received a lot of congratulations but there have also been numerous people remarking that your thread title and conclusion were needlessly inflammatory. You could have edited them. You chose not to.

Swearing and ranting at people instead of apologising for being unintentionally offensive is not a good policy in life.

^Hale_Bopp: that's precisely the point I was making. The OP has no idea what people have been through in life. Hence, he should not be issuing people with glib instructions not to use their AS as an "excuse". He has no idea what kind of hell they might be living through.

Advisory Note:

Some members in this thread have strayed into formal warning territory, and to avoid this outcome those members are asked to please review the rules immediately and take particular care to post within them.

...I don't think she was agreeing with you.

I don't understand how an early diagnosis is a good thing. It's certainly not helped me cope with life knowing I have it. Being diagnosed early does not make people accept or understand you any more. The only difference I've seen is being spoken to like I'm intellectually handicapped, which is extremely offensive. Being put into a special school would have ruined my life, I certainly feel for the OP having to go through that, which could have been avoided if he wasn't diagnosed early.

Yep, I think some people need to chill out a little and go play the Banned game
viewtopic.php?f=30&t=100526&p=7298629#p7298629

They also try and limit your career choices in high school.

Early diagnosis can easily go wrong with crappy interventions, special ed, and holding someone back.
It can be good if parents are smart and don't listen to too much crap.

This is what happened to me. I was first diagnosed when AS didn't really exist as a diagnosis, leading to all sorts of things like being taught sign language to speech therapy - the latter which I frankly needed, since I had a lot of trouble understanding things. When I got to special school I was taught very little, to the point I was very behind when I finally managed to get into secondary school.

Special school is certainly not a nice place to be in. It's humiliating and the way they treated pupils was degrading - anything from sports where everyone won (I'm not kidding) with footballs made of sponge to having to hold people's hands when crossing roads in school trips - again this was happening even when I was 15, just before I left. For the longest time I lied about it and said I transferred from another secondary school.

It's not luck that I went there. Today there are services for autistic kids to go to mainstream school - things I never had. And yet here I am, living independently, doing a job I like with a relaxed, friendly team. Designers are really easy to get along with and they tend to be socially awkward/quiet, so you don't really stand out much and don't need to worry about making social faux pas as they'll tend to do it too.

As for people reporting me for swearing, how childish. You come onto this thread with a chip on your shoulder, and you're wondering why you're getting hostile responses. Trying to advocate people to do nothing but be lazy, instead of following their own goals - whether it is to work, get friends, find love, find a hobby etc, is frankly one factor that harms the AS community. There are too many reports claiming people with AS are rapists, heartless murderers and psychopaths, and it's better to make examples to show otherwise.

So it's childish for people to report you for breaking forum rules and telling them to "f**k off", but it's not childish of you to be breaking forum rules by telling people to "f**k off" in the first place because someone makes a point you don't agree with while remaining perfectly civil? Interesting.

I'm all up for debate - hell, any form of criticism is fine too. But getting offended and triggered by what I said, which is to follow your goals despite your condition, gets tiring and telling them to piss off is the only real remedy. Why? Debating with said people is a waste of time and energy.

You cannot change their minds once they're in that toxic mindset, something I've realised all too well after being on AS forums for so long. They will get annoyed by anything that even vaugely challenges their viewpoint that AS should be used as a crutch to explain their own personal failures.

I really agree with you.
I like it if someone here can take a hit... And advice others to gain means. Perseverance, tricks, or even hope.


However, the last thing they need is invalidating their struggles.
It's really up to them if they decide to remain as they are and in their comfort zones, or do something about it and make a leap of a decision (which isn't something that one could suddenly decides. It can take a process and a lot of time -- Especially pessimists).

Nobody likes going into the unknown, especially people with AS. If you want to achieve what you want to achieve however, you need to push yourself well outside the comfort zone at times.

Why does that invalidate what people went through? It's obvious anyone with AS has went through tough lifes and have varying degrees of difficulty. This is why I emphasise your own personal goals - my goals may not be realistic for some, and vice versa.

Giving up and using AS as a justification for it is pointless for this reason because there are ways to make coping mechanisms etc. in order to allow you achieve your goal. Sensory issues with light for example? Tinted glasses could help.

Some of my own coping mechanisms involve anything from calming lights in my room to allowing time to mull over things to help process or plan things out better - the job I work in allows this already meaning I can remain relaxed, and I have more stressful or tedious tasks automated in a large degree. This allows me to work fast and efficiently since I'm only focusing on what really matters. In some cases I avoid areas where I know will give me sensory issues, or if I have to, make sure I'm soon in a quieter place to relax, have headphones on all the time when outside to block any issues with sound bothering me etc.

All jobs in the UK are required by law to provide reasonable adjustments for AS too, so it would help for me in case I was in a different job that isn't as familiar to me.

And that, friend, is the problem. Yes, we here in the US have ADA, but the law really has no teeth. Disclosing your invisible disability to a potential employer, even after being offered and accepting a job automatically makes you a pariah. Unless you want to hire an attorney versed in labor and disability law, at onerous expense, it's not worth the hassle.

Then what about your state's Vocational Rehab Office? Been there, done that, got the bruises to prove it! If most states OVR programs are like PA's, your battle is already lost. OVR in PA is a cruel joke: They'll move heaven and earth for you if you have a physical disability, like amputation, apoplexy, heart condition, or intellectual disabilities. Mental and developmental disabilities, you're on your own, ESPECIALLY if you're over 21. You also have a lot of age discrimination going on in the US: I just turned 59. I've spent most of my career either as a computer support geek, a librarian, a configuration analyst, and a pizza delivery driver. Except for maybe pizza delivery (and now I can't do that job well, because of failing eyesight), most recruiters will look at my resume and laugh.

Just don't preach at us who get hamstrung by the very programs that are supposed to help, but actually are nothing more than a hindrance to a lot of us.