Should governments criminalise shaming of singles/virgins?

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hurtloam
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28 Dec 2019, 4:38 am

Luhluhluh wrote:

Best way to dodge an answer is to turn it back on them. Example:

THEM: "So... are you seeing anyone right now?"
YOU: "Not at the moment. Kind of busy at work right now. How about you?"

People love to talk about themselves.

Leon_Trotsky wrote:

Person: "So you dating someone, when was your last date?"
Me: "I am not answering that. But if you want to say, that is your decision."

Leon can you see the difference between what Luhlulu suggested saying and what you say.

Your response is aggressive/defensive. It shouts I am weird. I have something to hide. I am uncomfortable.

Her suggestion is just conversational. You don't have to be 100% truthful to not be a liar. Maybe you're not busy at work at the moment. You could say something like "I don't feel like I have the time right now, but I'm still keeping my eyes open. What about you."

Sorry, i'm not sure what the American equivalant of "keeping my eyes open" is. I don't know if that's a very British expression. What I'm suggesting is something colloquial, friendly and not agressive.

https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/keep+eyes+open

kraftiekortie
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28 Dec 2019, 6:04 am

There’s nothing wrong with saying,”I’m waiting for the right girl.”

Luhluhluh
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28 Dec 2019, 6:49 am

hurtloam wrote:

Luhluhluh wrote:

Leon_Trotsky wrote:

Person: "So you dating someone, when was your last date?"
Me: "I am not answering that. But if you want to say, that is your decision."

Yep, yep, and yep. Getting confrontational and defensive is what is going to draw negative attention to yourself.

And we say we're "keeping our eyes open" as well. And Kraftie suggested "waiting for the right girl." Either one is good.

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Marknis
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28 Dec 2019, 9:35 am

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

Markins and Leon_Trotsky are continuously making threads like this and it gets boring.
Similar threads like this are:
"Thinking it's time to give up"
"Feeling depressed about being single at age 30"

Why is it ok for others to bring up my name like this?

Leon_Trotsky wrote:

Kind of strange to have everyone doubting me when these issues are the main reason why I joined this forum in the first place.

If I wanted to be berated for no reason, I would just attend a local meetup instead of posting here.

I feel the same.

I hate Meet Up and people keep pressuring me to join a “sci-fi” one in my area but I attended it for three years and I had to leave because it mostly catered to people who just wanted to drink and I kept getting pushed to the wayside. The final straw was when the group leader’s girlfriend snarled at me for something completely trivial and talked s**t about me even when I was in earshot.

hurtloam
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28 Dec 2019, 11:14 am

Marknis wrote:

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

Markins and Leon_Trotsky are continuously making threads like this and it gets boring.
Similar threads like this are:
"Thinking it's time to give up"
"Feeling depressed about being single at age 30"

She's only stating facts. You do. You just repeat the same things over and over and never learn or grow or move on or change anything. That's not interesting.

hurtloam
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28 Dec 2019, 12:05 pm

You know what I would like to hear about Markins? How are you getting along with your art. I've started drawing again, but I've been having a lot of pain in my arms, so I've had to stop for a bit.

Marknis
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28 Dec 2019, 12:39 pm

hurtloam wrote:

You know what I would like to hear about Markins? How are you getting along with your art. I've started drawing again, but I've been having a lot of pain in my arms, so I've had to stop for a bit.

I have done some sketching but I keep seeing flaws in everything I do or certain things just feel impossible so I get discouraged.

Dear_one
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28 Dec 2019, 12:54 pm

Marknis wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

You know what I would like to hear about Markins? How are you getting along with your art. I've started drawing again, but I've been having a lot of pain in my arms, so I've had to stop for a bit.

I have done some sketching but I keep seeing flaws in everything I do or certain things just feel impossible so I get discouraged.

A guy picked a paper from the waste in an artist's studio in Japan, and asked why it had been thrown away. "No problem." was the reply. The artist saw only harmony, and found it boring.
The last time I did art, I bashed together a couple of metal rods, and used the irregularities from that union to determine the most harmonious shapes extending outward from there. I hung it by my computer and took it back to the shop for a bit more shaping for several days until the only thing "wrong" with it was the first hour's work. If that had been perfect too, the thing would have had no character at all. I think it's so nice I gave it to my favourite artist.

hurtloam
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28 Dec 2019, 2:11 pm

Marknis wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

You know what I would like to hear about Markins? How are you getting along with your art. I've started drawing again, but I've been having a lot of pain in my arms, so I've had to stop for a bit.

I have done some sketching but I keep seeing flaws in everything I do or certain things just feel impossible so I get discouraged.

Yeah, it can be frustrating at times. I'm trying to draw a tiger at the moment and I can't get the perspective on it's legs right or it's nose. I was thinking that I might get a sketch pad and try and do a study of certain things before I go for a full size picture. So I'm going to draw lots of different tigers that I find online and try and get better at drawing different bits of them and then go back to the larger picture I was trying to do.

Practice makes perfect.

I find Da Vinci fascinating. He just drew whatever interested him. He just drew and drew and drew. Probably because there were no cameras or internet at them time so he had to make his own studies of things. Looking at his work made me realise how much I rely on my camera these days. I need to take a sketch pad with me and acutually take the time to sit and draw things instead... maybe when the weather is a bit warmer.

I should do that tomorrow. I need some new pyjamas, so I'll pop into the craft store too and see if I can get a sketch book.

Sorry to bore everyone, maybe this should have been a pm conversation.

kraftiekortie
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28 Dec 2019, 2:39 pm

You’re lucky you COULD draw.

I can only write.

Leon_Trotsky
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28 Dec 2019, 2:39 pm

hurtloam wrote:

I know the expression, since I studied in the UK.

To be honest, I do not see much difference between my example and the one above. In my mind I thought that mine was respectful and direct. So I am not sure if I am missing something socially, because intuitively I do not see anything that bad about mine. The one above mine is more tactful, but they seem to have similar meanings.

Or at least, my example is much less abrasive than my mother, who would probably respond, "What?! F*ck that sh*t, get out of here!"

Luhluhluh
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28 Dec 2019, 3:07 pm

Leon_Trotsky wrote:

The one above mine is more tactful, but they seem to have similar meanings.

Yeah... that's kind of the point: The message is basically the same but the delivery is less abrasive and appears more friendly.

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hurtloam
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28 Dec 2019, 5:06 pm

Luhluhluh wrote:

Leon_Trotsky wrote:

The one above mine is more tactful, but they seem to have similar meanings.

Yeah... that's kind of the point: The message is basically the same but the delivery is less abrasive and appears more friendly.

Yes you want to be friendly and open rather than cold and abrasive. It makes all the difference in making friends.

People remember how you make them feel more than what you say, so say things in a way that makes them feel comfortable rather than attacked.

Leon_Trotsky
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28 Dec 2019, 5:22 pm

I have a meetup this evening at 18h00 (3 hours 40 minutes from now), so I will try this out.

As to whether I am a "meetup.com" type of person or not, I do not know. But it is basically what there is for socials here.

hurtloam
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28 Dec 2019, 5:34 pm

I hope you have a nice time.

Marknis
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28 Dec 2019, 8:05 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Marknis wrote:

Rainbow_Belle wrote:

Markins and Leon_Trotsky are continuously making threads like this and it gets boring.
Similar threads like this are:
"Thinking it's time to give up"
"Feeling depressed about being single at age 30"

She's only stating facts. You do. You just repeat the same things over and over and never learn or grow or move on or change anything. That's not interesting.

Here’s the thing, though. Some bring up my name just to trash talk about me and they get away with it. If I just simply say someone has harmed me, I get warned.

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