You can control your "meltdowns"

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I see you have a lot of opposition to this theory. I'm actually going to agree with you, to a point. I believe there are many people here who use Autism/AS as an excuse for their meltdowns. Sure, it is an explanation but not an excuse. But they may not have given an opportunity to learn how to deal with them or how to avert them. They may even have the opportunity but either don't recognize it as one or refuse to go through the pain of learning it. It's easier to use ASD as an excuse.

But meltdowns are when you go out of control. The trick is recognizing that you are about to lose control and finding a quick aversion technique. For example, your in a store with many loud sounds, you are about to lose it, cover your ears. It may look strange to others but it's better than screaming out loud.

Sometimes though you will be in a situation where you cannot avoid nor compensate. For example, In high school, I rode the bus home with a bully. The bus driver pretty much ignored what was going on. My parents were unsupportive. He loved to mess with me. I was his favorite target. I had the pleasure of sitting in front of him. He liked to flick my ears. I despised it. I would move if I had a free seat. But he would move with me or the driver would tell me to sit back down. Any words from me just egged him on. Each time he did it, a bit of adrenaline would kick in. Finally, I snap. I think the theory of "flight or fight" was at work but I could not take flight. Rage, it's an interesting state of mind that I avoid as much as possible. You may think that I beat the crap out of him. But the reality is that I was not that muscular, I was not thinking (I can't recall most of it) and HE knew how to fight. The bus driver did stop the bus then and I raged until he let me off to walk home. I was not proud of that moment. I wish there were an alternative. Yes with clear thinking there is. But the point about meltdowns is that your mind is suddenly not thinking clearly.

That was a major meltdown. I've also have many minor meltdowns where if I hear a contradiction, I respond with sarcasm. I've done that in these forums. I look back and wonder why I responded the way I did. But these are more common in people so they are more accepted. However, now I appear to be an A**h***. I was thinking but not clearly.

I can put them off awhile but sooner or later watch out the longer the delay the worse it gets and once it starts there is no turning back

Ah, now we come to the point where you claim that your argument is so obviously correct that disagreeing = misunderstanding. You are right after all, so if I really understood what you were saying I would agree. QED.

I have read the entire thread, as you know. I have read all of your posts. I still think you are a silly git. After all, you did claim that Aspies are incapable of using misleading language. That is plain dumb. And to think, I have come to this conclusion while understanding the point you are trying to make!

Believe it or not, you are actually wrong. The fact that you disagree is an indication that either you do not understand or remain in denial as justification for behavior that you know to be wrong.

No. It's an exaggeration, but it's fairly spot-on. Aspies actually do have a propensity for having difficulty with such things as duplicity.

I don't mean to imply that you're a troll, but you would get a lot farther with this crowd if you were to show them more respect.

Beautifulspam: What are you trying to accomplish with your posts?

1. Are you trying to get people to understand they can control their meltdowns/shutdowns/semantic-equivalent-of-spazzing? I agree that people like you and I are able to suppress the pain and entropy long enough to purge them in a safe environment, and it can be learned by others too. Did this come naturally to you, or did it take a lot of pain and practice to get to the point where you are now? If the former, lucky you. If the latter, why not elaborate and explain to people what has and hasn't worked for you, and perhaps your words will make a difference.

2. Are you convinced the only way to get people to perceive the obscured control they have over their neurology is through shocking and blunt language? Considering all you've read on this and other AS blogs you seem to peruse, do you think AS victims would respond to denigrating tough-love tactics here any better than they have to the hundreds of other people who have tried the same thing? Do you think people are any keener on following the example set by someone who just compared them to infants?

I've read each of your posts in this thread thoroughly, and there's only a few things I would argue on logical grounds, and I agree with a more nuanced version of your central thesis - we have more control than some people on this board seem to think. But your tone is entirely different, and suggests that your motives are about as well-intentioned as an Eminem CD.

If you disagree with the last point, can you please clarify the reason you brought this discussion into existence?

Griff, your comments are the textual equivalent of speedbumps.

Impostor, my purposes are first, a general venting of the spleen, second, a shot across the bow.

I cannot stand to watch others behave like children while I struggle to become a responsible, self respecting adult. Many WPers cling to victim status. They hide behind the disability. They act like children and refuse to take responsibility. I have only contempt for such people. Maybe a little honesty will help all of us grow up a little. If not, I at least will feel better for having spoken my mind.






I have only ever addressed the "tantrum" meltdown behavior. Shutdowns entered the conversation through some slipperiness in the term "meltdown" and have persisted in the thread due to superficial reading and intellectual laziness.







I have always been able to control my rages. At a young age I chose to believe that I was not in control as a way of avoiding the consequences of my behavior, but I have always been in control.

To temporarily let go my anger, I picture myself on a rock outcropping high above everyone, force my muscles to relax, and focus intensely on a single thought or idea, or memory, or even a stain on the wall. This is what works for me. You will have to find what works for you.

You mean like those people in the herpe commercials? Don't you think people with AS listen to enough scolding from NT's? I'm sorry I brought up shutdown. I rarely have angry outbursts in front of others unless I'm REALLLY pissed and someone is poking me with their invisible stick.

Maybe people aren't really trying to hide behind their so called victim status (maybe some are) but you can't talk to most people about what you have to deal with because to them, it's boring and you are doing your self-absorbed habit even though I find it odd that they do the same thing just with different subjects.

Don't bother with vain analogies. I find them vulgar and clownish. Besides, I'm completely convinced that you're just one more person out trying to justify cruelty toward innocent people. Here's a hint, dude: it's sociopaths who set out to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior, and there's a whole universe of difference between Asperger's Disorder and antisocial personality disorder. Aspies are often overdeveloped in the exact same part of the brain that is a shrivelled-up raisin in a sociopath.

That's the point: they're not like tantrums, and they're in no way like anger in any sense that you would recognize.

No, it has persisted because of the causal similarity between the two, which you continue to deny out of marriage to the idea of justifying your rather insulting and hurtful OP. It doesn't seem to have even entered your mind that you could be wrong. If it has, it's overridden by some foul pleasure you take in being demeaning toward other people.

So you assume that other young people are as immature and lacking in conscience as you were at that age. Some people develop a sense of moral conscience and honor early, as I did, and they spend their youth being treated as vermin because of something they truly cannot control. In fact, a lot of teachers and faculty who share your mentality think that the solution to them is to apply "discipline," which seems to consist of first pushing us into meltdowns, then either verbally or physically attacking us as "punishment." I've seen how your kind operate. You justify yourselves by saying, "Oh, they really are in control, and they're just pretending to be worse to try to get back at us, hah, hopeless, so let's just laugh at him and let the other students kick him around." In my case, I had begun to experience hallucinations by the time I escaped from this cycle of abuse. I was as screwed-up as a person can be all because of the behavior of people like you and because of those who believed your crap. You think schizophrenia is funny? You think it's entertaining? Do you take hilarity in watching a guy suffering from hallucinations and not even knowing what's real? Unlike most Aspies, I produce too many ACh receptors, so I recall every single f*****g giggle that came from the holes of the filthy, wretched punks who engineered it. They truly thought that they'd played the funniest joke in the world.

Seriously, man, provoking an Aspie into a meltdown is like flashing a strobe-light in the face of an epileptic. If you did the latter, you'd be put in prison. If you do it to an Aspie, everyone laughs because we're one more group of people it's still considered okay to torture for fun.

It sounds to me like you fit the DSM criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder. This sort of behavior is one of the symptoms. It's not considered a necessary symptom for AS. There's something more wrong with you than a form of autism, and, the sooner you get this into your head, the fewer people will get hurt.

I will respond to this more fully when i have time, but let me say right now that your attempt at online "diagnosis" on the basis of a few forum threads is assinine, and your attempt to characterize me as a violent psychotic, disgusting and just a little sad.

Repress them, and wait to go home and do some yoga. Take all your pain out on a punching-bag. Play a video-game. Don't give anyone a reason to antagonize you. If you are an aspie, people will take your weakness and shame you publicly. I know. I used to be the work "*sshole". It will make things worse. You do not want to lose face in your place of commerce. Be stolid or catatonic like. It's definately easier. Believe me.

You've characterized yourself as a violent psychotic. You've taken pains to portray yourself as a person filled with anger and rage. Whether you've really mistaken our meltdowns as simple anger management issues or just want to somehow justify your verbal abuse toward us, I am uncertain. Several pages have been dedicated, however, to trying to explain to you what a meltdown actually is. Either you're not listening, or you don't care. It still doesn't sound like you have any idea what a meltdown actually is, though. You're still talking like we're just a bunch of angry people "venting our spleens," and it's nothing like that.

You've gotta understand what I'm coming from, man. It took me years to get over my meltdowns. There wasn't any magic bullet, but there was a process. And yeah, I know you're going to think, in your head, that the things just went away. No. It was nothing like that. I went from having one almost every day to having them twice a week. I went from that to having them a couple of times a month. It's eight years later, and I only get them a couple of times per year now. Hell, I haven't had a serious meltdown once this year, just little minor ones, and even then I had people there who understood and were there to support me.

It took me years to make the things recede. You're talking like there's some magic bullet that can just make the things go away. It doesn't work that way. There's such a thing as a process, but it doesn't work anything like you seem to think it does. There's no "letting out" or "venting" to it. It's a matter of healing.

What? You think I liked having these things? Hah! Another person who seems to think that meltdowns are all fun and games, are you?

Oh, but we like being antagonized! We have to give people reasons to antagonize us every chance we get! That's how we get our rocks off, don't you know!

And they know we can't fight back, either, and they take delight in that!

Oh, I believe you! I used to do that! It's the number one reason I had meltdowns in the first place! That's what makes Aspie-baiting so fun, you know! The more repressed and isolated you can get them, the more fun they are when they blow up! Good idea!!

The only thing that really helped me was realizing that the kind of people who really liked seeing me in misery were a sociopathic minority who were at least as in need of mental help as I was. When I realized that most people around me were disgusted with the sort of vermin who took pleasure in baiting me, I realized it was okay to get close to people and that I had people willing to back me up when I was under attack. I started to "grow up" when I realized that I was crazy to think that the sociopaths were representative of how everyone else thought and behaved. That's the only thing that helped me. Learning to love people...to actually feel compassion when it was given to me...was the only reason I could fight back. That's what most people feel when we're going through these things, and it's okay to accept it.

Most people are not like the person who posted the OP to this thread.

Last edited by Griff on 25 Oct 2007, 7:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've been following this discussion from start to finish, having read it as a possible chance to curb my meltdowns. Instead it comes across as an attack on those of us that have this problem, no holds barred and no sympathy. Apparantly beautifulspam you have no compassion for what you don't understand. That isn't how life works. That's how racism and every other discrimination works. I suggest for the sake of this argument that you either back down from being so nonsensically aggressive, or you find someone who considers your vapid comments helpful.
Griff, I'm one hundred percent behind you here, but I think responding to the antagonisms that have gone for so long now may not be helping you. It appears to me that you might as well try and get your points across whilst talking to a cat, because you may get more understanding than from beautifulspam. It doesn't matter what counter-argument you raise, it is being twisted to appear as if you are talking gibberish, when that seems to be coming from the author of the OP.

Oh, I'm OCD. I've had lively arguments with my pet cat. The cat usually wins, though.

You may have to work on that.

Nah, he'll still think he owns me.