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Son yells "shut up" when I try to ask him somethi

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alba
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23 Sep 2009, 3:14 pm

It's not our autism or aspergers that is the problem. It is the inhumane way we are treated that is the problem. Society is the problem.



alba
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23 Sep 2009, 3:22 pm

granatelli wrote:
I completely understand that someone with AS has no control over the overwhelming feelings that rush over them because of their AS. I get that.


Your first sentence is your understanding only, and it is in error. Overwhelm is not due to our AS, so much as it is due to nonacceptance of our neurodiversity....and all the torment that goes along with it.

And no......you don't get it. You don't get it at all.



Maggiedoll
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23 Sep 2009, 5:01 pm

alba wrote:
granatelli wrote:
I completely understand that someone with AS has no control over the overwhelming feelings that rush over them because of their AS. I get that.


Your first sentence is your understanding only, and it is in error. Overwhelm is not due to our AS, so much as it is due to nonacceptance of our neurodiversity....and all the torment that goes along with it.

And no......you don't get it. You don't get it at all.

I think he may just be trying to cause trouble. The things he's saying just don't make sense on any level whatsoever. It's the same "just punish the kid" crap over and over again, there doesn't seem to be any attempt at understanding.

This thread really should have been closed awhile ago. The OP keeps writing pretty much the same post, and not answering anything about the situation. None of this is about her son, we don't know anything about that situation. If she actually wanted advice or understanding, she'd be responding, at least saying something.
None of these threads are going anywhere, and all the useful advice on the issues was given quite awhile ago. This forum really doesn't need rambling about how kids just need to be punished when they're overwhelmed. I really can't see how this stuff could be said with any intention other than causing controversy. He's basically saying that meltdowns don't exist.



Spokane_Girl

23 Sep 2009, 7:03 pm

granatelli wrote:
Maggiedoll wrote:
:? Obviously granatelli is in perfect control over all his bodily functions and could prevent himself from vomiting if he had food poisoning, though. This is exactly how people end up in horrid situations.. people who think that they can punish somebody for things they had no control over. Would love to see granatelli on an airplane isle seat next to somebody puking their guts out, telling them that it's all their fault they're sick and that they should just control themselves.
Or is he just trying to be difficult at this point?


IMO it is a huge disservice to the AS community to insist that people with AS cannot control their behavior and that they should not be held accountable for the things they do and the way that they treat other people. Do you really want to go there? Come on. They have places for people that cannot control the way they treat other members of society and I don't believe that you'd want most people with AS to end up in there.

I completely understand that someone with AS has no control over the overwhelming feelings that rush over them because of their AS. I get that. But it's what they do with those feelings that will determine whether they end up being a productive, self sustaining member of society or if they end up in prison.

What I'm saying is that IMO you need to give the AS community more credit than you do. Frankly, I would find it insulting to be told that I wouldn't be held accountable for my actions because I had AS & I couldn't help it. It's as if you are talking about a child that needs to be excused and have it's hand held at all times. Really, I would find that degrading.

Am I the only one that feels this way?



No I wouldn't like it either if someone tried to pull the AS card on me and assumed I was not responsible for my behavior and it should be okay.



marshall
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23 Sep 2009, 7:15 pm

granatelli wrote:
Maggiedoll wrote:
:? Obviously granatelli is in perfect control over all his bodily functions and could prevent himself from vomiting if he had food poisoning, though. This is exactly how people end up in horrid situations.. people who think that they can punish somebody for things they had no control over. Would love to see granatelli on an airplane isle seat next to somebody puking their guts out, telling them that it's all their fault they're sick and that they should just control themselves.
Or is he just trying to be difficult at this point?


IMO it is a huge disservice to the AS community to insist that people with AS cannot control their behavior and that they should not be held accountable for the things they do and the way that they treat other people. Do you really want to go there? Come on. They have places for people that cannot control the way they treat other members of society and I don't believe that you'd want most people with AS to end up in there.

It upsets me to hear you compare behavior that happens in a blind rage to the behavior of criminals and sociopaths. Sociopaths inflict harm on other members of society even when they are completely in control of their emotions. They aren't out of control. They simply don't care about fairness or the rights of others.



granatelli
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23 Sep 2009, 7:31 pm

marshall wrote:
It upsets me to hear you compare behavior that happens in a blind rage to the behavior of criminals and sociopaths. Sociopaths inflict harm on other members of society even when they are completely in control of their emotions. They aren't out of control. They simply don't care about fairness or the rights of others.


Did I say I want to send a 13 year old to prison? No. Did I compare him to a sociopath? No. I didn't even suggest he be punished. All I said was that the behavior is unacceptable & he needs to be held accountable.

If he continues on his present path, where do you think he's going to wind up in 10 years? At that point it will be far out of his mothers hands.



missboots
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23 Sep 2009, 8:54 pm

Me personally, I would take the game away after a warning of, "You need to answer me or I'm going to turn your game off and take it away." I would continue doing so every time he told me to shut-up, with a longer duration each time it was taken away. If he didn't stop, the game system would be gone. Flat out.
If he goes into a rage over it, I would walk away, provided he's not hurting himself (though, if he's bigger than you I'm willing to bet you'd have a hard time controlling it even if he were), until he calms down. If this continues I would seek outside help from a psychiatrist or something of that nature.



Maggiedoll
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23 Sep 2009, 9:26 pm

Are you guys seriously suggesting that the kid doesn't need to be provided with coping skills? I don't get it.. Whether he is choosing the behavior, or trying to do what seems the least destructive (punch a wall, yell about how angry he feels) in the face of uncontrollable feelings with no reasonable ways of dealing with them makes a world of difference in what needs to be done.
Sure, if he has options, then consequences are what's needed.
If he doesn't have options (like punching a punching bag when he's angry, or retreating to somewhere quiet and peaceful when he's overstimulated) then consequences would be meaningless, because they wouldn't be consequences of his own choices.

Since the OP refuses to answer any questions about what options he has, this entire debate is completely moot, and has nothing to do with this particular boy or his behavior, but just a social stereotype.