Aspergers is not an excuse.

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The US has a track record of providing little rights to workers regardless. They're well implemented in the UK - my GF for example has reasonable adjustments for her job due to her AS, and doesn't face any issues from other employees.

Again, my original advice is not everyone to get jobs. That was only my goal.

On wp, it is considered ok to invalidate people by calling them superspergers and attributing their successes to luck.
When telling one's own experiences of achieving something involving having a positive attitude to begin with, they be accused of spewing mindless slogans of the American dream.
If someone says that they worked hard to do something, they may be accused of merely having a good prefrontal cortex that gave them their goals readymade.

In America employers fear getting thier offices getting shot up, getting sued, or a rouge employee posting something embarrasing to the company that goes viral. This makes them fear anybody who is not a "team player" . The "real" job of Human Resource Departments is to find loopholes in the laws and ways around the laws to hire and fire whomever they want.

A "good" prefontal cortex is often what separates a so called "lower functioning" individual from a superasperger...

There does seem to be an issue when people post of their achievements. I know of members here (because of PMs they have sent me) with astonishing talents and achievements, who don't post about these because of the backlash that can occur. I wish I could share them, it is astonishing how far some of these members have gone in their particular speciality. I understand the painful feelings that lead people to rain on the parades of others, though those who have achieved outstanding achievements also feel pain when cruel barbs are aimed at them. We do have a bit of a problem here celebrating success, generally, though there are some members who do write positively and offer encouragement to everyone, not only those with significant achievements. They enhance this place. Validation and encouragement are powerful.

In case of executive dysfunction the prefrontal cortex is also malfunctioning.
I have issues with it, but still I am looking with my therapist for ways to work around it.
Now I am having a rubber strap around my wrist to help me to get through tasks I am having difficulties with to not get distracted from them.
When I get distracted I pull it and let is snap back which gives a light sensation of pain giving me the signal to go back to the task I am supposed to do.
I also use it outside when I get overwhelmed going to places then I will pull it and let it snap back and it directs the focus away from the environments to myself.
It also helps when I start thinking in too much black and white about things and I will avoid doing things because of that.
I pull it and let it snap back to remind me to take my noteblock and try to defuse the mental block I have at that moment.
I also have a dissociative disorder and and some more stuff going on and daily living is a challange to me.
But still I am trying to work around it and try to archieve my goals and sometimes it works out and other times it does not work out.
Therefore I like to read when people archieve their goals in spite of their obstacles.

btbnnyr and B19, very well said. You have put your fingers on a big problem with WP. People who can share stories about their hard work and achievements are made to feel unwanted. How can we mentor by example when we are shutdown by anger. There is much that I can say, but I won't. It is a shame and a waste.

It's not just with autism, it's in other things too. I have noticed when people talk about their achievements and positive things or luck, they are seen as bragging. If a mother talks about her positive pregnancy, she is also seen as bragging. I wonder why it's so frowned upon to talk about positive things? I like hearing the bad and the good so everyone knows bad things don't always happen and it's not always like that. In the past I have shared my experience only to be told I was downplaying other peoples experience, not their exact words but I hope you know what I mean. It doesn't mean I am denying other peoples experience because theirs is tougher what they are dealing with or they are not so lucky, especially when I say I have never experienced it or seen it happen.

I have definitely noticed the phenomenon you describe. Here we call it "tall poppy syndrome", the compulsive reaction of diminishing someone's achievement, simply because they have achieved something notable. As you say, success doesn't deny others' experiences, and usually a good deal of failure precedes success, for all of us. Success can tell us that the learning curve of previous failures is valid and worthwhile. Recognising success in life for ourselves and others is important. Everyday we are all successful at something, whether we recognise it or not.

It cuts both ways. Not everyone bashes someone for posting their acheivements, and not everyone bashes someone for posting that they are struggling and failing now or ever ----


---- but there is bashing of achievements and there IS bashing of struggles.

I don't bash achievements but I reserve the right to take exception when someone uses the stating of their achievements to also make it clear that in their heart they think anyone who isn't achieving too is just a worthless non-trying non-starter who is "blaming their AS."

I MYSELF have achieved stuff.

I TOO am someone who actually managed to do some things I dreamed of doing, including moving to a completely different country.

I have posted about my positive experiences and goals and accomplishments in my life, and I've even posted that I have been FAR MORE FUNCTIONAL in my past than I actually am now.

I overcame things NOBODY thought I could overcome.

My own family all wrote me off. They actually abandoned me because they didn't know what was "wrong" with me and thought I was a weird, depressed, workshy useless mistake in life who will never do anything but be a burden.

I PROVED THEM ALL WRONG.

It took every bit of courage I had but I made something of my life. I even traveled alone getting on a 10 hour flight when I'd never even taken a trip up-country by myself before, let alone just left altogether.

I made a life for myself when the new attempt at a new life fell apart the first time.

I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and I was completely ALONE.

I got a job when I thought I couldn't, I even started my own business when I thought that's not something I'm capable of doing or sustaining.

I forced myself to learn to drive -- WITH NO DRIVER TO HELP ME. I actually bought a car and slipped out in the small hours to a parking lot to practice by myself. Nobody helped me -- there was no one. Where I'd failed my test THREE TIMES at age 17, I passed with flying colors at age 31.

I found out how to live alone when not so long before that point, nobody in my family ever had hope I could do that, and I was the "family problem."

I achieved other personal goals that took massive amounts of courage I didn't think I had, and which scared me to death. Nobody here knows how hard it's been to live my life, especially since I did all this stuff with a complete loss of family of origin and no new network of anyone to rely on even emotionally. THAT IS SOME HARD SH!T. Even if I say so myself. Sorry but it really is.

A lot of people can't do much of anything without support, networks, caring people -- not just on the spectrum, NTs never soared to high heights without HELP of some manner, seriously it's practically a law of the universe. NOBODY is successful without something that went on behind the scenes. -- I did this stuff COMPLETELY ALONE when my fears and anxieties were killing me, but I struggled on regardless.

Once in a while I've posted about how I've done these things. I have several times been attacked for telling someone else they might be able to do so also, because if I could, and I was such a hopeless case, then there's got to be even better chances for someone else.

But I've also been attacked for posting my struggles -- the opposite side of life.

I am now arrived at a place of burnout in my life. I'm 54, I'm not a kid, I have all that life experience. I HAVE "been there done that" with failures AND SUCCESSES.

But now that I post on WP about my inability to cope anymore....I'M SLAMMED FOR THAT TOO.

People who don't know me, and I wouldn't expect them to have remembered any posts about my successes, but still, they just go ahead and slam me for whining about my little problems now (in their view).

I'm having massive problems now in my life. I'm doing worse now at coping than I have in the PAST, even. I've gone on an arc, from being incapable of much when I was younger, to finding I could blossom and cope, and even start to cope better and better.....to now going right dowhill again and barely being able to face a day.

It wasn't always like this and I've done ALL the things the OP has --- IN MY PAST.

But now, I'm told I'm worthless again, right here on WP, just because this is where I've come dragging my broken limbs, figuratively speaking, to say I'm war-torn and can't cope anymore.

You're slammed if you post positive, but WORSE in my opinion is you're slammed when you post your vulnerability and failings.

I took 70 lessons at age 32. I failed the drivers' test.

I was forced to take a car somewhere without a license. That's how I learned to drive at age 37. This time I passed.

Why would ANYBODY want to knock somebody for accomplishing things?

That don't make no sense!

Easier said than done but feck em. No one has experienced exactly what you have or is experiencing exactly the same as you are now going through , they may have experienced similar things and have the same diagnosis but it's not the exactly the same. One thing I've learnt joining this forum is everyone experiences autism differently and to judge someones autism based on yours is a very ignorant thing to do - sadly the world is full of a**holes and their not just constrained to the NT section.

Yes, I've had the same experience here. These days I don't share anything good happening in my life except through PM and even avoid giving concrete, positive or constructive suggestions about situations I'm familiar with or have insight into due to the hostile and disparaging ("you're just lucky") reactions. I've never bragged or started threads about it anyway, but now I feel reluctant to even mention it.

And I disagree "it's like that everywhere" - it's true that some people do it, both in real life and online, but I've been in an environment where the majority reacts like this only once before.

I think most do this because they genuinely feel hopeless, trapped and suffer from depression (I'm fairly familiar with both and understand how it works better than I'd like), but I also noticed posters who are very dedicated to putting down and actively shaming and guilt-tripping anybody who dares to suggest we're not all unavoidably doomed to a miserable existence. And I also believe a few people here (and fortunately it seems to be a rather small minority) envy and begrudge any kind of success or happiness, as if there's only a limited amount of it to go around and those who achieve it are actually robbing others of their share.

So, just as I mentioned before, I'm very glad to see anybody coming here to talk about getting a new job, a relationship or anything else that improves their situation. I'll keep posting in all such threads that I happen to notice and try to encourage the OP, maybe we'll achieve some balance in the future.

*edited for precision*

Last edited by BenderRodriguez on 28 Sep 2016, 11:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

Also the "crabs in the bucket" mentality, I've experienced it in my youth, trying to make my way out of extreme poverty and abuse. In some ways, fighting those who did this was even harder than escaping the situation itself.



https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality

I am not sure if this was directed at me but I didn't say that. I say it happens in other things too. I have had that experience on other forums and see it happen at Babycenter too with other people and even I have gotten accused of bragging when I talked about my positive pregnancy experience but even I have seen other mothers say other moms were bragging about it. I have never see anyone in real life accuse others of bragging about their achievements, I have only noticed it online on websites. Plus I have seen people say online how people "brag" on Facebook when they post something good their kid does or their own achievements. So what I get out of all this is talking about your achievements and positive experience is frowned upon and it makes me wonder if this is why the negative always stands out because lot of people just don't go online and talk about good things if things are going so well for them. Just like how I won't see posts by people talking positive about being married to an aspie, it's always negative stories.

I know what you're saying and as I said, some people are always this way. My point was that the majority reacts this way only in extremely/predominantly negative environments and I didn't realise WP fits the bill.

I have no idea what Babycenter is but Facebook definitely devolved into a pissing contest site.