12 Feb 2020, 12:05 pm
ASPartOfMe wrote:
LoraAdora wrote:
magz wrote:
LoraAdora wrote:
I've spoken to my family about changing schools but "I can deal with it" is what they said so I'm looking into ways to cope better whilst I'm there. I have that dream as well, starting afresh, somewhere where people don't know. But I don't see that happening sadly. My family aren't interested.
Damn, being dependent on your family sucks! Those all little decisions you aren't allowed to make because you're not 18 yet :/ I used to be where you are.
I wonder if there is some Identified Patient dynamics in your family. I've mentioned it before in this thread because it's one of possible downsides of early diagnosis - the family finally has someone to blame for all their trouble so they don't need to deal with their own issues.
I know it does suck doesn’t it?
Like I’m grateful to them for everything they’ve done I just wish they would be there for me more. They treat me like I’m a disease and that they don’t really care about me. It’s horrible. I can’t wait for when I finish school and can move out. Have things improved for you now?It’s possible yes. I mean they do seem to really dislike me now, especially my mum, every time something goes wrong she blames me. She really hates me since I was first diagnosed and I don’t know why. It makes home life really unbearable and then actual school life is equally as bad.
In your parents generation Autism was universally considered a disease and any mental issues were stigmatized. So because they act like they dislike you like does not mean they don’t love you. It probably means they do not know how to handle you.That does not make it any less painful for you.
It seems moms and teenage daughters often come into conflict. Often this gets better when one gets older.
I guess it probably is that they don't know how to handle me then. It feels like they don't like or want me in their lives though but maybe that's just me overreacting. My mum and I used to get on really well when I was a young child. After the diagnosis things changed and now every day we seem to drift further apart. I've tried talking to her, trying harder to be more 'normal' but nothing works. Half the time it feels like I'm invisible.
I'm hoping sooner or later we will be like we used to. I'd hate for her to not be a part of my life.
magz wrote:
LoraAdora wrote:
magz wrote:
LoraAdora wrote:
I've spoken to my family about changing schools but "I can deal with it" is what they said so I'm looking into ways to cope better whilst I'm there. I have that dream as well, starting afresh, somewhere where people don't know. But I don't see that happening sadly. My family aren't interested.
Damn, being dependent on your family sucks! Those all little decisions you aren't allowed to make because you're not 18 yet :/ I used to be where you are.
I wonder if there is some Identified Patient dynamics in your family. I've mentioned it before in this thread because it's one of possible downsides of early diagnosis - the family finally has someone to blame for all their trouble so they don't need to deal with their own issues.
I know it does suck doesn’t it?
Like I’m grateful to them for everything they’ve done I just wish they would be there for me more. They treat me like I’m a disease and that they don’t really care about me. It’s horrible. I can’t wait for when I finish school and can move out. Have things improved for you now?It’s possible yes. I mean they do seem to really dislike me now, especially my mum, every time something goes wrong she blames me. She really hates me since I was first diagnosed and I don’t know why. It makes home life really unbearable and then actual school life is equally as bad.
Now it's better, moving away from my parents was a huge relief - yet after having children, I went through a big breakdown and now I'm sorting things out in therapy. Apparently, in addition to AS, I'm much more traumatized by my childhood and yougth than I ever suspected. Seeing unhealthy patterns when growing up in them is extremely hard.
I wonder if something my first therapist told me would resonate in you, too:
"No one took your side."
I'm glad things got better for you though so sorry that you had a breakdown. That can't have been easy for you to deal with especially as you had children at the time. Are things ok now? I hope so. Yeah what your therapist told you is how I feel a lot of the time. No one ever sees it from my side and as I told the user above they often act like I'm not here. I say something they ignore it or just nod in response. It's awful and makes me feel worthless. But I'm hoping that will change but I don't think so. There's an empty cold feeling in my family and life and I don't think that's going to go away until I move out. I might try and see my gp soon and see if I can see a professional therapist, someone I can talk to and trust. I feel that may help a little.
12 Feb 2020, 2:03 pm
12 Feb 2020, 3:38 pm
Teach51
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,808
Location: Where angels do not fear to tread.
12 Feb 2020, 4:29 pm
magz wrote:
LoraAdora wrote:
magz wrote:
LoraAdora wrote:
I've spoken to my family about changing schools but "I can deal with it" is what they said so I'm looking into ways to cope better whilst I'm there. I have that dream as well, starting afresh, somewhere where people don't know. But I don't see that happening sadly. My family aren't interested.
Damn, being dependent on your family sucks! Those all little decisions you aren't allowed to make because you're not 18 yet :/ I used to be where you are.
I wonder if there is some Identified Patient dynamics in your family. I've mentioned it before in this thread because it's one of possible downsides of early diagnosis - the family finally has someone to blame for all their trouble so they don't need to deal with their own issues.
I know it does suck doesn’t it?
Like I’m grateful to them for everything they’ve done I just wish they would be there for me more. They treat me like I’m a disease and that they don’t really care about me. It’s horrible. I can’t wait for when I finish school and can move out. Have things improved for you now?It’s possible yes. I mean they do seem to really dislike me now, especially my mum, every time something goes wrong she blames me. She really hates me since I was first diagnosed and I don’t know why. It makes home life really unbearable and then actual school life is equally as bad.
Now it's better, moving away from my parents was a huge relief - yet after having children, I went through a big breakdown and now I'm sorting things out in therapy. Apparently, in addition to AS, I'm much more traumatized by my childhood and yougth than I ever suspected. Seeing unhealthy patterns when growing up in them is extremely hard.
I wonder if something my first therapist told me would resonate in you, too:
"No one took your side."
It resonates with me totally. That is an enormous deficit to start out in life with. You are strong magz and a hero. I start each day as if it is a new lifetime.
12 Feb 2020, 4:47 pm
12 Feb 2020, 4:51 pm
magz wrote:
LoraAdora wrote:
I'm glad things got better for you though so sorry that you had a breakdown. That can't have been easy for you to deal with especially as you had children at the time. Are things ok now? I hope so. Yeah what your therapist told you is how I feel a lot of the time. No one ever sees it from my side and as I told the user above they often act like I'm not here. I say something they ignore it or just nod in response. It's awful and makes me feel worthless. But I'm hoping that will change but I don't think so. There's an empty cold feeling in my family and life and I don't think that's going to go away until I move out. I might try and see my gp soon and see if I can see a professional therapist, someone I can talk to and trust. I feel that may help a little.
We're managing... but three decades of living detached from my feelings have done more damage than I thought they would.
If I could suggest you something - what makes you feel safe? Any activity or topic where you feel safe is a chance to keep your sanity alive and you need it with all this lonliness you experience.
I’m so sorry you’ve been so badly effected
I wish there was something I could say or do to help.Do you get any support still or are you having to do it all alone?
Not a lot to be honest. I don’t feel safe or happy at all when I leave my bedroom, that’s my safe place where I feel completely at ease. In my room I do a lot of art and drawing and that relaxes me and reminds me that I’m ok. Other than that I do some writing but not as much as I used to. I’m hoping to see a therapist later this year as I’m having a few mental issues so want to get them seen to before long. I do my drawing every day and that’s a big help to me and keeps me relaxed.
13 Feb 2020, 2:41 am
Teach51 wrote:
It resonates with me totally. That is an enormous deficit to start out in life with. You are strong magz and a hero. I start each day as if it is a new lifetime.
Hugs to you! Especially in this time ((((((Teach51))))))LoraAdora wrote:
magz wrote:
We're managing... but three decades of living detached from my feelings have done more damage than I thought they would.
If I could suggest you something - what makes you feel safe? Any activity or topic where you feel safe is a chance to keep your sanity alive and you need it with all this lonliness you experience.
If I could suggest you something - what makes you feel safe? Any activity or topic where you feel safe is a chance to keep your sanity alive and you need it with all this lonliness you experience.
I’m so sorry you’ve been so badly effected
I wish there was something I could say or do to help.Do you get any support still or are you having to do it all alone?
LoraAdora wrote:
Not a lot to be honest. I don’t feel safe or happy at all when I leave my bedroom, that’s my safe place where I feel completely at ease. In my room I do a lot of art and drawing and that relaxes me and reminds me that I’m ok. Other than that I do some writing but not as much as I used to. I’m hoping to see a therapist later this year as I’m having a few mental issues so want to get them seen to before long. I do my drawing every day and that’s a big help to me and keeps me relaxed.
Draw. That's your breathing.
13 Feb 2020, 3:23 pm
