Disclosure to Suitemate Needed?

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I have a suitemate at college (we only share a bathroom/tiny hallway area before leaving through the entrance/exit door to the actual dorm hallway, separate bedrooms). She seems nice but I've only known her two weeks. My mother keeps bugging me about how I should tell her . Fact is I don't want to. She claims this girl may take my behavior to mean I don't like her (I don't really care I don't want to be her buddy, just cordial & clean our bathroom ). She has a problem of her own, but b/c she hangs around/brings a lot of people over, I'm worried if I tell her she'll tell all her friends (not really into repeating what I had in HS Thank You Very Much). I'm not going to tell her now. But should I at some point. Some of her friends seem friendly towards me as well (they say hi to me if they see me/surprisingly they know my name & she invited me to see a movie w/ her friends on campus). We just went to watch the movie/didn't talk much just trying to seem friendly, I left as soon as it was over/people were smoking (can't stand cigarette smoke). It takes me a long time to be able to guess how someone will react (be OK w/ it, think I have the plague, as me stupid questions like "does that mean you hit yourself?", (I'm OK w/ "What's that?" I can answer that)). I just try to be friendly/polite when around her & her friends & otherwise keep to myself. I even leave my door open a lot (when she doesn't have a lot of company) to avoid "seeming like a snob" as my mother puts it. Should I say something?

I would hold off. If it seems she and her friends are acting weird, or acting like you are weird, then it might be a good idea. But unless there are conflicts or awkwardness, I'd leave it alone.

Whether you tell her or not is your choice. If you don't care what she thinks of you, you don't need to disclose the AS, but of course then if she ends up complaining about you to whoeve ris in charge of the dorm, you shouldn't expect her to understand.

This is what I've tried to do in the past with flatmates I didn't know before living with and they all ended up hating me, one actually wanted to kill me. I was completely oblivious before things came to a head though.

I think your mum is right, even if you don't tell them you'll need to make more of an effort or they'll think you don't like them. While you or I could get by fine not liking people we live with NTs can't. They need to know that you're cool with them and to do that you'll need to make it clear without actually coming out and saying it.

If I knew then what I know now I'd be studying body language, interpersonal psychology, sociology etc. (esp. body language) There should be plenty in the library.

I'd try talking to her (without talking about myself which I find tough) and see if she's the type of person you can trust with the knowledge. If you don't want it getting out then probably best not to tell her outright but you can always just inform her of your traits like 'I'm not so good at small talk but enjoy talking more deeply about things' 'Can't handle smoke' (blame your sinuses or something) that kind of thing.

Well, from what I know about her she has some kind of problem that affects her bones & organs (though she looks fine) & she can't stand bleach (can't touch it). So the issue w/ smoke she should get. But I just cannot tell how she will react to AS?

Well, you already know the reasons you mightn't want to tell her--for privacy, because she might make incorrect assumptions, etc. and it's certainly your right to keep your diagnosis private if you want!

You would want to tell her, though, if you're prone to doing things that other people misinterpret as mean-spirited. In that case, you don't have to say Asperger's; you can say "I can be really socially clueless, so if I do something that hurts you it might not have been deliberate," instead. You can explain about the Asperger's if you want. The important thing is that, if you have that tendency, you can inform her that you don't mean whatever you're doing/saying and would like to be informed about it so you can apologize and stop doing it.