Why do they not like it when I claim to be different?

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Ok, has anyone else noticed this? If you say you have some kind or disorder, I pretty much always get a responce of "well everyone has something" or "oh everyone does that someones" or "Everyone has their weaknesses". It really irks me. Well a lot of what humans do irks me, but this in particular. Many people seem to really not be able to comprehend the idea that someone's brain may work differently then their's do, what's with that? It causes them to not be accommodating to someones problems.

I hate that too and I don't know if they think they are reassuring me that I am not alone or telling me I'm full of it.

I know what you mean. I am trying to give them some interesting information about myself, and discuss it like an adult . . . and they want to assure me that it's alright and it's OK, but I shouldn't dwell on it but I completely miss their body language saying they were very, very uncomfortable hearing about it.

It was explained to me that striving to not be different was very important to some people. Their drive to 'fit in' and 'be normal' is just hard wired into their systems and they get embarassed when someone confronts and addresses this instinct. They want to reassure me so they focus on what they would want to hear if it were them that 'felt different'.

Now when I see this behaviour, I realize that they are not really interested in dealing with something so far out of their comfort zone and I just shut up or chatter about the weather. I can't reach everybody.

Ya' gotta pick your battles.

It is true though. Everyone has their issues. Some people are unfortunate enough to have visible problems.

It might be because they think you are saying it because you want attention or special treatment or considerations. They do not want to give you this so they put your problem in perspective. They are right to do so in my opinion, everyone does have their own stuff going on.

Sure, everyone has their problems, I'm not debating that, but you can't possibly treat everyone exactly the same. This is the battle I have had my entire life, if the world of treat everyone the same, I'm called lazy for having learning difficulties instead of just having problems in a specific area. it's this need for everyone to be the same that makes my life misserable, because people aren't accomodating and they miss read me, making someone who is highly motived and hard working into a lazy slob that won't amount to anything.


I thought everyone had the need to feel unique and special, but instead they want to feel the same as everyone else. Another thing I don't understand...

NT people seem to have a theory about people with illnesses that affect the mind (probably because these conditions can not visually be seen, there for recognized). That theory is "treat them as normal and they will become normal", for someone with AS this can be very troubling because of the inability to ever become this elusive normal. They do not understand that this problem wont just pass, as would a problem they would experience in their mind. Treating with someone with special attention and care is alot more effort than you would have to put into someone without these problems, so if you present them too much to NTs you will eventually be alienated, it's a sad sad thing. Autism, for the people that don't have it, is all about waiting for the affected person to 'snap out of it'. This just adds to the frustration that Autistics already feel, especially if they have already 'snapped out of it' as best they can. People do wish to feel unique, but usually they wish to feel this way for a positive reason (such as being gifted academically or artistically), being unique through something considered to be a deficit, like AS, is a negative uniqueness and shyed away from.

You're pretty much rcorrect there ShogunSalute, it's the smae with other invisible (physical) illnesses, I have crohn's (before I knew anything about AS) and trying ot explain it to people meets with the same response.

The reason I said pretty much correct though is that not all NTs are the same, there are plenty who are accepting of deifference whatever it is. I find it impossible to blame someone for ignorance of these things though, before I knew I had crohn's I'd never thought about it, same with AS. Why would someone who has no reason to know about these things know about them?

I get that response a lot from my parents. They say everyone else has the same problems I do. My father used to work at my former high school and he said that 99% of the students there faced the same problems in school that I did. He also consistently told my diagnosing doctor: "Oh sure she has this, but you can live to be [his age] with that." My mother used to say that my problems are just due to society being flawed. Oh sure that is a possibility, but I'll have to live in that society nonetheless.

They might think you are actively TRYING to be different (like teenagers who are "goths", "emos", et al.). Conversely, they might think you want to NOT be different, and are trying to make you feel better. Either way, what it comes down to is that they just don't (and can't) understand.

I've been given the "everyone has those problems" line, as well. I replied that if everyone had the same problems as me, they wouldn't be actively seeking socialisation.

It bugs me too when people say things like that. I think it is because when I then start 'acting odd' they can't understand why the heck I'm doing it! IRONY...

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I have HFA, ADHD, OCD & Tourette syndrome. I love animals, especially my bunnies and hamster. I skate in a roller derby team (but I'll try not to bite )

Oh wow I get this too and it is annoying for me. It feels like someone is making light of something that affects my life in profound ways. I don't want to feel like I'm dealing with the same things everyone else does WHEN EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO HAVE A FAR EASIER TIME THAN I DO IN THE SAME SITUATIONS. It makes me feel more subnormal, just like I used to feel before I knew what aspergers was. I still have the lingering effects of my old self image to work through.

It helps to know I'm not imagining having unusual difficulty in social situations.

It's not that I want to be a martyr. It's that it's easier for me to cope when I know it's OK to feel unusually challenged, then I can work at it. It's not because I'm pathetic or weak willed. It's physical.

Some very good points folks, its good to try and understand why they say these things, and understand that it can often come from a well meaning place.

Thats how I feel IMForeman, when you're struggling to hold down a job, get a job, keep up with other people at school/college/uni or even cope with day to day life. The last thing you want to hear is that your problems are all in your head. It means they will judge you for not being able to keep up. That's not great for your self-esteme.

I'm not talking about telling everyone you meet, but the people that matter, the ones you want to understand you, parents, close friends. I want them to not critisize me when I'm trying my hardest.

Even with things like allergies, I will say something simple like "no thanks" I am asked why, I say "I'm allergic" and I'll get some kind of dissmissive comment...