Fear of intimacy.

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I am distraught about this. does anyone else have it? has anyone overcome it?

i just have a hard time getting close to people. the most ive ever done to a crush was maybe have a short discussion with them. i get very awkward around the opposite sex.....terribly so if i am attracted to them. i often get so nervous i dont even feel turned on around them. this makes me wonder if im frigid or something. i sure think about sex and romantic stuff a lot, but the thought of it terrifies me. i physically start shaking and freeze in such circumstances of even kissing a family friend on the cheek, so how would i kiss a boyfriend or something? i cant imagine mself being very good at sex, since i'd be too scared.
even hugs are a bit awkard. not so much with very close friends. but the whole touching thing...i can do it in my head, but actually doing it is a different thing.
i feel like im never going to find the love of my life going on this way. and it stops me from making friends as well.....very few people would put the ammount of effort and patience into getting to know me that it would require. i dont blame them, why care so much for someone you dont know that well?
like, i have this internet friend, and we are very close, he has AS, and he's awkward, but we only talk on msn. it's easy. i might actually meet him this summer, and i'm terrified. i might literally faint when i see him. and this is just a friend, what would i do with a guy i like?
its so depressing. i understand butterflies are normal, but this feels like impending death, at times. it seems the bad physical sensations outweigh the good ones. i have severe social anxiety as well.

anyone else feel the same?

I have it and I don't know why even after years of therapy.

The one time I let my guard down I got betrayed very badly.

Absolutely. For all my life too.

I had adpoted the "yes man" philosophy to combat this. Basically it means to take every opportunity because there is something to be gained from everything. I got really good at doing things I'd be too scared to be before, but it didn't really help with my lack of intimacy. I thought I could "fake it til I make it", but years later, I STILL have to fake it.

this sucks. .
i suppose i should just find someone who is intimate in a wierd way like me. i CAN be but rarely, and its usually considered wierd to other people. :/ at least id imagine.

First off, you are young. You are also far more self aware than I was at 17.

You have a long life ahead of you. Plenty of time to find out what works for you.

I suppose AS makes people sexually awkward. I sure was (still am?).

What I found was that while I fear intimacy, I am capable in the right situation. When you find someone who understands and loves you, quirks and all, you will find your way. You may be surprised.

ooh i hope i find the right guy!! ! that would be amazing...just to be myself...

I don't think I really have this. I used to feel awkward about getting close to someone (not anymore since I've been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years), but not really out of fear. I just don't understand these things really, and they overwhelm me. Like when my boyfriend said he had a crush on me, it took me four months to decide to reciprocate it. I am also very careful about getting close physically/sexually. Not really fear of betrayal though, just unfamiliarity and fear of the unknown.

mine isnt fear of betrayal. it is more fear of the unknown as well. that and being considered "bad in bed" or a "bad kisser". i would like to please whomever it is very much....and i really fear i wouldnt. XD

If it makes you feel any better, around that age I would tell personal stuff to my now former best friend, and he'd respond to me with stuff like "then you're not capable of properly having sex", and stuff like that...and I indeed got worried.

Lemme tell ya some of my other fears at that age:

1. I feared I'd be alone the rest of my life.

2. I figured I'd have to go all out for any girl on a date...simply a quick burger and a movie wouldn't do; I'd have to take her ever week to a 5 star restaurant...and not even attempt to make out with her for a really, really long time. I honestly believed at the time that if I didn't do those things, what in h*ll would she honestly want with a guy like me?

My dad would tell me "if that's the case, then she's not right for you", and I'd respond "to be fair, I don't think anyone is".

Well my dear, I'm now 27, almost 28, I'm in a very serious relationship...and we've been together for over a year and a half. I've been virtually broke almost the whole year, and my girlfriend could care less; she's madly in love with me, and half the time can barely keep her hands off of me! I've already asked her if she would one day marry me, and you should have seen her eyes light up with happiness that I even suggested it.

And do I ever have something great that I'm workin' out for it

Heck, I've been in a relationship for 5 years and when it comes to sex or anything like that, though it happens, I'm tense the entire time! He's just gotten used to it, but I always wonder what it would be like to be intimate with someone comfortably.

I think it's the closest I'm ever going to get though, and to be honest, it isn't too bad once things start going, but getting over that hurdle of extreme discomfort in the beginning is rough... and after that I'm just stuck in a feeling of discomfort, lol.

I think it's just having someone that close to me ultimately. I'm not on guard or anything like that, it just makes me anxious/nervous for some reason.

It's the same kind of feeling as having a bunch of strangers standing practically on top of you in line in a store... it doesn't seem to make a difference how well I know someone, I'm just not comfortable with someone in my personal bubble, and cannot make myself be okay with it.

thank you for the encouraging words, every body.

i would feel nervous like you, anxiety25, if he was akward about my awkwardness. XD. i really hope i find someone as wierd as me

Yup. Just thinking about it...yech. I mean, you never know just what people could be carrying.

Well, in my case, while I still want both of us to get tested eventually, I've never even had sexual intercourse, and I'm kind of a neat freak to a point, so I don't think there'd be any issues...but I'm still taking all precautions necessary; I kid you not.