If people tell me I don't have AS, should I believe them?

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Pre Scriptum: Just to ensure I get it across the board immediately: I am not 100% certain that I have AS. The evidence is definitely pointing that way in every regard, but I haven't had a diagnosis yet. This is partly because I really don't know how to proceed to get one and partly because my mother has advised against it because getting a diagnosis might get in the way later when I try to get a job.

To the matter at hand: A couple of months ago while mindlessly browsing Wikipedia, I stumbled upon the Aspergers article and was moderately surprised to see that almost all of the DSM-IV criteria applied to myself. I started to read a lot about the condition, joined this forum and talked with some people that I know who are familiar with it, the main two people being my father and my ex-stepmother who have two autistic children together. Notably, my father also have an autistic cousin and an autistic uncle, so it's definitely common on his side of the family.

Thing is, my father doesn't believe I have AS because "you don't act exactly like a guy I know who has AS". And here I was, thinking AS was a condition that differed greatly between affected individuals. My mother doesn't believe me either. She just cites negative self-confidence and self-esteem as being the main reason why I feel as if I have AS, but then again, she cites negative self-confidence and self-esteem as reasons for every single problem that ever existed.

Personally it feels as if my parents are either in denial, completely unaware of what they're talking about or just concerned that getting a diagnosis might screw up my future in some way. On the contrary, when I met my ex-stepmother again a couple of weeks ago, she even said that she was highly suspicious about me having AS because of my unwillingness to socialize with other children in my spare time and my almost extreme sensory sensitivity and temper tantrums.

What she also told me the last time I spoke with her was that my autistic brother, who is twelve, has the same "genius skill" as me, which is exceptional writing. I'm the kind of guy who can score top grades in language subjects and writing courses without having to make even the slightest effort.

What I believed to be the biggest clue that I might have AS is my unwillingness to partake in social situations such as birthdays, parties and holidays. Whenever I'm with a lot of people in a restricted space I get agitated and upset, and feel incapable to experience the same positive stimuli as everyone else. The cinema is the one and only exception where I'm not agitated at all, it seems. It might be that I'm so focused on watching the movie, but I don't know.

My friends keep asking me to go out with them during the weekends to drink, dance and pick up chicks, to which i simply reply "Why would I want to do that?". They obviously seem to enjoy it, as does almost everyone I know, yet I have this integrated aversion to it. I simply cannot understand what makes it so fun. At all! It's very confusing.

Oh, and I write tediously long forum posts. Doesn't matter where, doesn't matter when. I've always been doing it, and i probably always will.

Post Scriptum: I would really appreciate some advice on how to proceed in getting a diagnosis. I live in Sweden, so if there's any swede out there who's been there and done that, I would really appreciate some guidelines.

Denial is a frequent problem with AS. A lot of people immediately seek to deny the label, right off the bat. I wish this wasn't the case, as the major problem with Asperger's Syndrome is the related anxiety and depression. Most of the listed symptoms exhibit their greatest influence in childhood, not adulthood.

I can't tell you where to find someone capable of diagnosing, but I can tell you where to look. Any mental health professional should have a good idea on where to start, or someone else who might know. It'll take some searching around, especially in Sweden, but I'm sure someone will know where to look.

Talk to an expert. The trouble with asking here is most people have it or know someone who has it and its all they know. Even for small things you do we could say, "well... I do that thing you mentioned and i have this disorder so you must have it too". Experts can compare you to many many others and also different disorders like ADHD, OCD, anxiety etc which have a lot of identical problems so that less mistakes are made.

Denial is a problem with the "it differs greatly between people" thing. If someone IS misdiagnosed (can happen) it is almost impossible for them to disprove it and they're stuck with the label and the embarrassing stigmas that come with it.

Yeah I'm possibly in denial but i dont know and I may never know if I really have it. Im trying to work that out and at the moment my mood seems to change depending on what evidence I've found for or against having it. Obviously I'm not keen about having to fight depression, anxiety and loneliness for the rest of my life, whenever I choose to end it. Just believing I don't have it can make me feel so much better. So dont be too eager to label yourself or other unless you're very sure its what you want.

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

This is just a quick comment, but I can tell you that I have Asperger's, and I don't act like anything like some of the people I know who also have AS. Asperger's is just one of many things that can influence how a person acts. You can't overlook things like a person's upbringing and experiences, their values, or their individual personality.

Welcome to WP, SirBaron!

To answer your topic question, no. But neither necessarily should you believe people who tell you that you have AS. While how you described yourself is consistent with AS, we on an internet board don't know you personally and therefore don't have the capability to declare you an Aspie or neurotypical or some other label.

That being said, I think that some potential pitfalls do need to be discussed when considering getting a diagnosis. If you are fairly high functioning with a large degree of social skills, getting a diagnosis may give you a bit of piece of mind, but really won't impact your life in a positive way too much. It might help to put all the pieces of your life's jigsaw puzzle together, but self-diagnosis and sufficient time and thought can do that too. Also, there is a tendency for some diagnosed people to think, "well, this part of me cannot be changed, because I am diagnosed AS", and so they do not bother learning some social skills that could solve a lot of their own problems. AS is great as an explanation for things in your life, but when it becomes an excuse, problems can start. Moreover, having the AS label may turn misunderstanding people off, due to prejudice. I'm not saying that their prejudice is right and that we'd have to bend accordingly, but it ought to be at least pondered over because social pressures can be very demanding at times.

In contrast, if you have some significant difficulties in your day-to-day life that are directly or indirectly due to AS, then being diagnosed will grant you access to public services that can really help you in your life, and being diagnosed can be more positive than negative.

There are a few Swedes around here so hopefully they can chime in with some insight. Where's Henriksson when you need him? Anyway, good luck to you!

Interesting that you have an autistic brother and yet your parents are so adamant that you couldn't possibly also have a form of autism.

Parents often feel guilty that their genes may have contributed to their children having difficulties assimilating to life in the real world. The idea that a 'disorder' is running through their veins and somehow 'contaminated' their children leads to a lot of pointless denial. Combine that with a situation in which they have adult offspring whose struggles to cope they've ignored for years, even accusing that child of whining and not trying hard enough - now the suggestion that that child really was having problems due to a physical disability that they as parents failed to recognize - even intentionally ignored - why, they just can't accept that.

So I wouldn't put too much stock in their insistence that you couldn't possibly have AS - they don't want you to have it.

I'm sorry I can't advise you on how to go about getting a diagnosis where you live, but I do encourage you to seek that out - whether you have AS specifically, you obviously have some appreciable level of Social Anxiety. Personally, I feel your self-diagnosis is probably accurate, but seek professional confirmation. I hear a lot of talk about 'THE STIGMA' associated with being autistic - maybe that happens on the playground when you're a child, I wasn't diagnosed then, but as an adult I don't run into anybody who even has a clear idea what AS is. However, if you live in a country where a diagnosis makes assistance available, a formal diagnosis will be your best friend for the rest of your life.

My parents both did the same thing. When I read the DSM-IV criteria to my mom she just said, "Well all that stuff applies to me too!" I'm pretty sure she's also on the spectrum, she just can't, or doesn't want to admit to either me, or her having it. My Dad says, " Why do you want to know what's wrong with you?" To which I replied, "Um because that's the only way to learn and grow as a person." Something both of my parents have trouble with. Though my Dad has gotten much better, I haven't spoken to my mom in months. I was eventually diagnosed on the spectrum and when I told my ex-stepmom, who I share no genes with, she was very supportive and not surprised at all.

Swedish alert!

Svensk här! Bor i Stockholmsområdet, här är ett till två års kötid om man blir remitterad via en psykiatrisk öppenvårdsmottagning, tyvärr, och jag tror du är för gammal för BUP nu. Jag hade tur och fick sponsring för en privat neuropsykiatrisk utredning. En sådan kostar i allmänhet 30-35000 SEK.

En diagnos behöver inte registreras någonstans, så den kan inte hindra att du får jobb. Så kan du få någon att betala en privat utredning kan du få riktigt bra specialiserad hjälp. Jag gick hos CEREB, de är ordentligt specialiserade på autism och ADHD hos ungdomar och vuxna.

Jag hoppas det var till någon hjälp. Jag fick tips om CEREB när jag ringde till neuropsyk i södra Stockholm, om du inte är i Stockholm kanske du kan ringa närmaste landstingspsykiater för tips om vart du kan vända dig. Men kötiderna för en utredning som täcks av allmänna sjukförsäkringen är i allmänhet långa. Specialisterna är få och fokus ligger på barn.

Lycka till!

I did this in Swedish as much of what I'm referring to is not conducive to translation.

The people telling you you don't have AS aren't psychologists. It would be like a non-doctor telling you you don't have diabetes... how would they know? (I have no idea whether you actually have diabetes; that was an example.)

If you suspect AS and are having significant problems in your life thanks you your traits, you should go for a professional. It's no good asking people who haven't studied the topic; they probably know less than you do.

I once told a psychologist known to me personally (just a friendly talk, it wasn’t like that I was seeing her for a problem I could have, just an informal talk) I suspected it in myself. She’s a young woman, like 26-27 not some ancient psychologist who graduated long before AS was introduced into DSM and doesn’t know anything about this but for a bunch of popular stereotypes. But she didn't know either. She asked: Are you diagnosed? I denied and she instantly came out with: “I can’t see autism here”.

yeah man this is a lot of people. tons and tons of people. is this is your 'biggest clue' that you have Asperger's you're probably completely normal.

I came across AS because my ex, who had it, mentioned it. After leaving him, I became obsessed with a man I thought had AS too, and really became obsessed with reading all about it, but as I read, I was laughing insanely because so much of it fit me. I didn't really pursue a diagnosis, but I started asking people who had known me at school, and two of them, it turned out, had discussed me a while ago and concluded I have aspergers. One is in the mental health profession, and the other has an aspergers child.

However, my mother insists I was a normal little girl. My father differs slightly and shows little interest. I see traits in both my parents. I gave up trying to get them to acknowledge it and just try and get snippets of info on my childhood and how I was as a child.

I have seen only one shrink about it, who said I cannot possibly have AS because 1) people with AS do not want friends as children and wouldn't try to make friends.
2) people with AS only have 1 or 2 interests throughout their life.

I naturally told him in not so many words that his information was wrong and that I have met plenty of diagnosed aspies who have plenty more than 2 special interests AND desperately wanted to be able to form friendships etc.

Since then, I have not tried again. I intend on trying again, but making sure I am seen by someone who actually has had experience of females with an ASD and knows their stuff.

My Gp knows of my conviction, and has never refuted it and nor has his colleague who's wife works with ASD kids.

the dsm is probably the worst way to diagnose yourself with AS as the criteria really does apply to just about everyone. so it would be no good to show people to let them know why you think you have it. do more research find more info on AS and make sure you look for things that are specifically connected to the way you are, things that people can't just go "oh well that's me too".

but of course a proper diagnosis would be the easiest way to get people to take you seriously.

Well, first of all, as was mentioned, wikipedia and the dsm is not the best place to look to self-diagnose.

Also, I have experienced something similar. My aunt, who has a 17 year old autistic daughter, and who has spent years reading and studying autism, has said in the past I just have quirks. I believe she may have been trying to get me to avoid a label because I could have used it as an excuse. That is the only logical theory I have in my mind about it. I know now I definitely have Aspergers.

So, perhaps, your parents deny it because they don't want you to have a crutch. What these people fail to understand is that a diagnosis can make it easier to pick yourself up. Finding out why I was the way I was gave me the strength to better myself.

I say stuff the DSM, they should just get a big list of CORE traits and tick off the ones that apply to the person, then add up the score at the end. Something like the 'aspie' quiz or the AQ test are the most accurate things ive seen so far but even those may be compromised because of secondary traits. Like if you do something that an AS person does but for different reasons from them.

I remember thinking this once. Like "damn AS it makes me nervous about being social". But recently Im realising so many other people feel this way. Yeah sometimes I get that nervous 'been punched in the throat' feeling but only when I'm doing completely new stuff. It goes away as soon as I get there. You cant diagnose yourself on this alone. Thats why part 2 of the DSM is there.

By the way, according to studies done with the Myers Briggs test, 50% of people are introverts. We just don't see or hear from them as often so we think that being extroverted is the normal thing. So don't feel bad about that.



Ooh yeah I know that feeling. That's why I'm probably not gonna have kids, if they copped something bad I would feel so guilty and it would be so painful to see them struggle with life. Maybe i could adopt

You shouldn't believe them when they say you don't have AS, because the reasons they've given are very weak, and they aren't qualified to diagnose you. That doesn't mean that you have AS, but the symptoms you describe seem to fit that diagnosis well. It might be a good idea to go for a professional diagnosis, but the result of that depends on how good the diagnostician is. Mine seemed quite good (I'm in the UK), but I still don't see the result as absolute proof. Some days I still wonder if I have AS or not, though most of the time it seems fairly clear that I do have AS, and I make a lot more sense to myself when I assume I do.