Should I still be organized with my life when I am depressed

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I became very depressed after a boy whom I was emotionally obsessed with broke off every connection with me. Because of him I gave up my career, because I couldn't bring myself to refuse him and put him before my career.

I can't cook, go shopping, etc. Every day when I go to sleep I hope I never will wake up. I feel that I gave up friends who have such high expectations of my life for one person, and it was all wrong. Now I am losing everything. I don't know how to find hope. What should I do?

Wait for the depression to pass, then start rebuilding your connections with your friends and go back to your career.

I agree that you should wait for the depression to pass, but don't wait until afterwards to catch up with your friends. Tell them about this guy; I'm sure they've been where you have and know how you feel.

Even if you don't want to cry on their shoulder, meeting people and hanging out can be a good distraction.

I've been through the 'never-want-to-wake up' phase and it really does suck. You'll have to force yourself to do day-to-day tasks, but you will feel better afterwards.

This sounds cliche, but try to see the bright side as much as possible; look at flowers and funny pictures and watch videos that make you laugh. Listen to upbeat music and remember you don't need another person to make your life complete.

Yes, you should try to be organized when you're depressed. I know it feels impossible, and you may not be able to do as many things as when you're feeling better, but keep up with your routines. Especially keep eating as healthy as you can and take a multivitamin... I know when I get depressed, I tend towards the junk food and my B vitamins go down the tubes... which deepens the lethargy and depression. Now I've learned, if nothing else take a multivit and it definitely helps with the duration and depth of the low.

As tempting as it is, try not to stay indoors all the time. Get outside, even if it's just to sit on the step, and look around. I have a tendency to curl up in a corner, bury my head in my hands, and it just intensifies the grief, sorrow, anger, and self-hatred. If I can get my head out of my hands, look up and go outside even for a little bit, it breaks the downward spiral.

I've never had much luck pushing myself to socialize when I feel like this, but I have been able to push myself to re-engage my special interest and that will also help pull you out of a downward spin.

Also, put the headphones on and listen to music that is NOT associated with the ended relationship. When one of my partners walked out, just leaving a note for me, I listened to the same Carlos Nakai CD for three days while I drifted in and out of sleep. Soothed and stabilized some pretty wild mind spins.

Hang in there... it's true, time heals. You've made a mistake, you're hurting right now, and you will recover. Just value your life, take care of it as best you can, and wait it out.

I am so happy to share my experience, knowing that I am not alone.

It has been that for months I cannot even make a plan of what to buy at a local supermarket. I go to supermarket, come back, and discover I forget to buy some of the food I need for the week.

I have been really wanting to visit a city, but with my disorientation and poor planning skill at the moment I don't know if I can do it. I feel that my life is bad, and nothing happy fits in with my life. Experiences feel so disconnected.

Oh yeah, sounds familiar. Planning and organizing take energy, and depression just flat sucks the life out of a body. It's best to stick with the bare minimum necessary until you feel your energy returning. But do spend a portion of each day working to restore your energy... the vitamins, the outdoors, the tunes, and appreciating what you do have to oppose the mind's tendency to dwell on what you've lost.

Like the grocery shopping... plan ahead, rest and nourish yourself ahead, make a SHORT list, and go early in the morning or late at night when the store won't be crowded. If you need to, take your soothing tunes and listen while you shop, blocking the dither noise around you, and helping you stay calm and focused. Maybe wear a hat to help block the overhead lights, which I find add a subtle layer of distraction to my mind. Don't worry about chatting up the cashier... I've certainly had days where I can't acknowledge them and it seems they survive.

Just plan on doing that one thing that day, and the rest of the day is a bonus if you get much else done well or at all.

I plan extremely carefully, and go over my plan several times and take my plan with me. I plan by the half hour, step by step, and make all necessary inquiries on the web beforehand. I even research and plan and study the menu of where I'm going to eat, on the web. It pays and I enjoy the planning as well as or more than the actual trip. The real high is the sense of accomplishment. I don't push myself to accomplish too much, just make sure I feel confident about what I'm going to do and see and photograph. Then, the more you do it, the more organized you become and experient. It's what I most like doing in life.

My 2 cents....

Depends on what you consider "being organized" but having structure makes you feel that you are in control, so I say you should impose some structure in your daily life. It's the first step in taking charge of your situation.

Depression won't go away by itself, and sitting around waiting for something to get better can actually be depressing by itself.

Also, the mind is not able to think about 2 things at once. So if you tell yourself "STOP!" when a depressive thought comes in and force yourself to think about something else, the depressive thought vanishes. It helps to enter a more positive spiral. The first time I heard this advice I thought it was stupid, but it's always worked wonders for me since I decided to try it the first time. It especially helps me to fall asleep at night instead of worrying. I've made 2 rules about my bedroom: no smoking and no worrying in it. If I want to smoke or think depressive thoughts, I get up and out of the bedroom. I wouldn't have thought it could help so much, but it does.

QFT... doing something can help, at least a little bit. Maybe you shouldn't do anything huge, or overwhelming, but don't just do nothing. As the FLYlady would say.. babysteps!
Getting a little bit of something done can help pull you out of the depression.. it doesn't just happen on its own.

Thanks for the encouragement from you all!

In the past week I have been intentionally ignoring or deleting his emails. I thought that with my logical brain surely I am right: I can't live without him, that my life is worthless without this person.

I just feel infinitely better now after hearing what you all have to say, with him as a vague figure in my memory. I feel infinitely better not caring, thinking hard about right or wrong.

Has this happen to you? You think that you have a logical, right decision, but making that decision makes you feel horrible.

Absolutely! It's part of growing up, maturing. Making the tough decisions that you know in the long term will serve you better.

Deferring short term reward for long term goals... and a more satisfying reward.

Good on you!

Haha, I actually am referring to something else, which may explain an asperger tendency.

When I make decision, especially those decisions that are life changing, I attempt to make the most logical decision, but what I found is that it makes my life miserable. It comes from an obsessiveness to think too hard and get the decision "right", rather than feel how comfortable I am about it.

In the end I only get depressed

Oh, THAT one... yep, that's different. Overthinking the situation...
at some point, you just have to get on the bronc and try for the 8 second ride... thinking about the possibilities doesn't make it any easier.

Now I just give myself a few minutes, and then suck it up and commit. If nothing else, it'll make for a colorful story in my old age. The sorriest mistakes I've ever made make for very entertaining stories a few years down the road.

Nothing that makes you miserable is "right" for you. Maybe you make decisions that are theoretically "right" for an ideal person who is not you, or for someone else you consider a standard person. Those are not "right" decisions.

I spent my life making decisions based on what NTs are able to do and not taking into account my limitations (and my advantages). Not anymore. Those were very wrong decisions for me.

I am not good at dealing with relationships. It is easy for me to feel another person's emotions, from there to infer something about a person's life. It isn't easy for me to read another person's thoughts unless I concentrate.I see how pointless they are.

In the last few months the boy I mentioned had been treating me badly. Even then, I kept a flicker of thoughts deep down that he cares about us. That if we can honestly talk for just once things will be resolved. Once violence struck, I finally see that he does not care, he does not care.