Consurned about indipendance

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This is a question which I really need some advice for because I really want to become fully indipendant.
It's mostly to do with what I can't do but I can get away with most things like not being able to wash my hair, I could take a shower instead. But one hard things to sort out is toothbrushing it's mostly due to the hyper sensitivity in and around my mouth and also a bit to do with my hand eye coordination but thats not that bad in this, Has anyone got any advice for me and others because I really need it. Because I want to beable to go to univercity and live on my own so if you have any advice plz help.
Thanx

Benedict

HI, my daughter , who is 16 and autistic, is still learning the ways to take care of herself on her own..What bothers you about shampooing your hair? If you wet your hair first, lather the shampoo in your hands first, and then gently apply it to your head, does it still make it difficult? Is it the force of water rinsing it that bothers you, that it gets in your eyes and ears? Does pouring water from a cup help? Is your hair long, or shorn? If it is really short, like military short, you may just quickly soap it..I do wish to help if I can..

There is shampoo that foams right out of the pump and it may help with hair shampooing. Would an electric toothbrush help with toothbrushing? It does take some getting used to but it gets your teeth cleaner.

At 13 years old, you still have a lot of time to learn about a lot of things. Are your parents helping you to learn to do things for yourself?

You can get soft toothbrushes. Those designed for young children are normally soft.

If you lived in halls of residence - accomodation provided by the university - you might get meals provided, so you wouldn't have to worry about food shopping and cooking.

If you have a diagnosis, you may be entitled to some kind of sheltered accomodation, where you could get help with things.

At that age (13) I really could have used a transition from dependence to inter-dependence and eventually move towards independence in increments. I would encourage (young and old alike) to try smaller steps and develop reasonable coping skills at each stage. A supportive family is essential to such. Best to you.

Yeah, you're only 13, Solid. What are you worrying about? I'm 22 and I can't do any of that stuff either. Sad to say, but I've gone weeks without having a shower or a wash. You don't have to be able to do all that stuff to be independent.

Wow Danlo, I'm nearly 23 and still haven't gotten my drivers license, but I am very confident I would more than able to look after myself if I lived alone. I can cook, clean, brush my teeth and have a shower every day, wash my own clothes.

wow Danlo I don't know how you can make such intelligent and insightful posts yet be unable to tend to your basic needs. What is it you find so difficult about doing these tasks?? If it's executive dysfunction can you see an occupational therapist?

I don't know about that. I have some oral sensitivity in my mouth as well, and I tried an electric toothbrush once and it was horrible. It tickled and hurt and just drove me nuts, so I went back to the 'normal' kind, which at least is manageable and you can get around the really sensitive bits like your gums.

My advice with teeth would be to take it easy and gradually get used to the feeling of the toothbrush in your mouth and gradually train yourself to deal with it. I've had the same problem and at age fifteen I'm a lot better about hygeine than I was at your age. For the shower thing, again, it's all about conditioning yourself to get used to it. You have to make yourself learn to deal with some aspects of it that you can't change, like the feeling of the stuff on your head. Alternative types of shampoo, like Aspen said, might help.

I find that having short hair helps with the whole hygeine thing, as well, because it doesn't take nearly as much time or effort to keep clean and marginally tidy. If I was a guy, I swear I'd get a buzz cut. Since I'm female, I keep it about chin-length.

Take it easy and gradually begin to take responsibility for some of the day-to-day things. I'm currently doing that, and it involves gradually giving your orders to the waiter when you eat out, or every so often making your own lunch (your parents should be able to teach you to cook some simple things, like plain chicken), or maybe running into a shop by yourself and picking up something that your parent needs. Doing things like that will help you to prepare for life without your parents to help you out.

Last edited by SolaCatella on 27 Feb 2006, 7:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hi! I had this overwhelming drive for independence at your age, too. I see three things here; let me take them one at a time.

Your mouth sensitivity makes tooth brushing hard. Have you told your family dentist this? No need to go into details, just "supersensitive mouth." If s/he is clueless, ask to see a peridontist. My peridontist treated me when my mouth was so sensitive brushing was painful.

Personal grooming etc - I also had an equally strong drive to find the simplest, most efficient ways of doing things so I could be ready for anything on a moment's notice. Hair: a blow-dry bob. Tell your hairdresser you're looking for attractive but low-maintenance. If you say it's because of your schedule you will probably get some really good advice.

The last thing is what everybody else has said: start taking on the sort of jobs you'd be doing on your own in the larger world. I got a notebook from the college bookstore and started listing those jobs so I could do them consistently.

Oh, and the idea of living in the dorms and buying a meal plan from the dining hall is excellent. But you might want to pay extra not to have a roommate. I had roommates all throughout college and the best we could ever do was agree to ignore each other.

Hope this helps and blessed be. It is so heartwarming to see someone who *wants* to be independent rather than giving up and saying "I can't."

"The impossible takes a little longer."

Yeah the simple basics down of independance but there is so much more I gotta learn. I am going to a Private school for people who have AS. As a matter a fact tomorrow is my first day. The cool thing about that place is they ease you into being completely on your own. I am kinda scared about being away from home though. Who knows in 6 months I could have my own place a job and a car. Will see. I really don't have much advice for you but I know the feeling of wanting to be on your own. so I just thought I would comment.

sorry I wasnt to much help

I second jman's motion.

I have never like the sharp, minty taste that most toothpastes are made with, and it resulted in an aversion to brushing my teeth simliar to what you all are experiencing too. That was until I discovered the Arm & hammer baking soda toothpaste. It's got a much milder taste that's not hardly anywhere near as minty. It does however, have a gritty, sandy feeling to it a little bit, and it actually tastes a little salty like. Although it doesn't sound appetising, it's much more milder, and tolerable than the spicy minty taste of common toothpastes like Colegate & Crest, and the like. It is also very effective in keeping my teeth clean and my breath fresh.

Now, the next issue I have gotta get under is my extra sensitive gag reflex. Merely putting my toothbrush in the back of my mouth will cause a gag, so I must be very careful!

Sorry I haven't the links, but recall many such discussions here before. One title was "A.D.L. milestones" thread (activities of daily living). One might search for "sensory integration" on WP forums also.
Toothpaste has been much talked about, I'm of opinion that Pepsodent (original peppermint paste) is least offensive & most tolerable, but tastes differ. Was very infrequent brusher as a child and I still have difficulty w/some basic "self-care" activities.