"Ending friendships"

Post Reply New Topic

One thing I seem to notice about most folks--whether it's everyone, just NTs, I have no idea-- is that they apparently never really mean it when they say they're looking to end a friendship.

My good friend has been prattling on forever about how a friend of his--a former friend of mine-- is really getting on his nerves, and he wants to end the friendship with her.

Every single time, things get mended up.

Now, in my case, things can get mended up...but it doesn't happen that often.

If someone tells me a friendship is over, it's over. When I tell someone a friendship is over, it's over.

Are there times when it isn't for me? Only on very, very rare occasions.

Why do they constantly insist on going on about "ending the friendship" when they obviously don't really want to? Do they just need some BS drama in their lives? ...like they don't have more than enough already?

A lot of people require social drama.

Many of these people, I have noticed were raised in that environment, either in their homes, neighborhoods or schools.

I've never understood it either.

-W

my former friend actually said to me, when our friendship ended "oh, I didn't actually mean that; it's just something that gets said".

No...I fully disagree.

And for the record, the reason it officially ended was I realized--despite her train of thought--things wouldn't work out anyway.

But regardless, no...when you say "the friendship is over", it means just that.

Is there one that can be sort of exaggerated a bit? Sure "I hate you". But that's kinda the only one, especially considering it can be used in so many different contexts.

Otherwise, no...if you don't mean it, don't say it.

I don't care how mad one is, unless there's an actual intention, ya don't say that.

I find that when friendships end, the friend and I don't really talk about it. We just go our separate ways.

My last friendship ended about five years ago and since then I haven't had friends so much as people I occasionally talk to from time to time, which suits me perfectly.

Few friendships in my life have ended; most dissolved, fell apart. With the exception of a few ex-girlfriends and a couple individuals who betrayed me deeply, even those that I have broken off contact with eventually come around back into my life at some point years later even if only at a superficial level.


M.

Just flat-out "ending" a friendship is a really uncomfortable thing to have to put up with and should generally be avoided. Drifting apart is fine, telling people "it's over" is generally not. The only exception is if your "friend" poses a serious threat to your well-being, e.g. they put you in severe pressure to take hard drugs, or they beat you.

A lot of other people like to say things and make drama. You don't have to, and that's good, but you're actually creating more drama than you need in whole-heartedly shunning friendship over something small.

as I've learned, friendships end in one of two ways:

1. people just go their separate ways over time/life comes between them, and they lose touch

2. really, really messy


I don't intentionally try to make friendships end, if you think I do.

Am I discouraged that those friendships did end? Not in the least...it's not as though I even have time in my life now to be concerned about them, anyway.

When I end a friendship it's due to me feeling betrayed or back-stabbed, and I'll cut the person off entirely.

Ending a friendship does not create more drama as long as you do it comepletely. Cut it off completely. Burn the bridge. Walk away. Forget it.
Viola! No drama!

I've done it many times, and my life has always been far less "dramatic" after I've told people "It's over" and proceeded to remove all active aspects of the friendship from my life.

I've found that the drama surfaces shortly after a friendship is "mended". That time when they've made peace because "it's the right thing to do" but still have lingering resentment towards eachother.

Simply ending a friendship doesn't cause all that much drama (perhaps amidst your mutual friends).

I have a real issue not so much with what has been described in this post, but with people who "lose touch", which is what eventually happens with the vast majority of NTs out there.

This is when they say they're going to get together or whatever, and then they don't answer their phone, or return correspondence, and you feel uncomfortable being too persistent, so you just drop it.

I think the concept of "busy" is often used as a convenient excuse to avoid someone, and it doesn't fly with me. With all the methods of communication we have now, I just don't see any excuse for it-- and anyone who has ever had any kind of friendship with me knows how important this is to me. It is so easy to exchange a thoughtful correspondence with someone, other than at Christmastime.

This has happened with people I have known my entire life, and it's very hurtful. Therefore I have no real desire to "make friends" or "be social" because people just don't seem to really take friendship all that seriously, they use it to fit their own needs, and I would rather be alone than be superficial just for the sake of meaningless socializing.

I did have a "friend" who hung up on me and sent me a text message telling me to go f**k myself after I told her something she didn't want to hear. I didn't try to patch things up because I believed that by even trying to contact her she would have accused me of harassment. It tormented me for a really long time. Six months later, the "friend" called me at 10:30 at night and apologized profusely, then told me she didn't want to talk about it. I was relieved to never hear from her again after that.

NTs will arbitrarily end a so-called friendship if it's too much work for them, and I think that's a horrible thing, the worst you can do to somebody.

I had a friend since high school that I considered my best friend. We had a 3 year period of no contact, then I ran into him again. We hung out all the time, and even moved to Seattle together. I had to move back to TX, and almost a year later he returned. I saw him once since his return, talked to him a few times online, and never once did he make any attempt to hang out again. He met this girl up there and she flew down to come live with him. I guess he can't handle having two close friends at once. I eventually just stopped bothering.

It sucks, cos my circle of friends keeps diminishing. I hang out with someone every so often, and that's out of 3 people that actually want to. Everyone else has either had kids, gotten married, left town, or all of the above. As DMark said, it seems people make friends these days for personal gain. Very few actually cherish it. It's a shame.