I guess I’m completely “out” about AS at work now.

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I had a bit of a rare opportunity today. I work for a software company that creates/maintains software used for billing medical insurance claims. So, “diagnosis” is a common term in the business. We’re getting ready for upcoming diagnosis code changes (ICD-10 not the DMS release). I was unexpectedly interviewed about the removal of Asperger’s from the DSM-V yesterday. This morning I found out that I was quoted.

I had told a handful of people at work about having AS already. There were several people that I had not told, but I knew were aware that I was a bit different. I really wasn’t close enough to many of them to have a chat about AS. I decided to use the news article as a little trick for coming out about my diagnosis… to EVERYONE I knew at work.

There are about 400 employees in the office, but I don’t talk to most people. I sent a link to people I interacted with professionally over the past 7 years in the company… including executive managers. There were 38 recipients. I titled the email “Quoted today in the St Petersburg Times about upcoming diagnosis change planned for 2013.” (The same approximate date of a diagnosis change we are preparing for.) I sent it before I lost my courage, and…

It wasn’t all that bad. The group of older women that sits around me said a few nice things. A few people replied showing support. Everyone I know at work, knows I’m autistic now. I’m sure that most of them don’t know what it really means, but that’s not something I can really change. I plan on turning the “meness” up a few more notches; or at least not spending as much brain time worrying about keeping the mask up, to avoid standing out. I think I just went a bit past “standing out,” so game on.

I get allot of compliments about my work, so I’m not worried about them letting me go or anything like that. Still… I never thought I would do something like this.

Cool!

And I LOVE your emoticons.

So...can you tell us where you were quoted? Was it on CNN or something?

Local paper. I didn't want to get barked at for linking the same thing in two threads, but it's probably more relevant here.

http://www.tampabay.com/news/health/asp ... le/1072427

That's great JOsh. I am happy for you. I have had similar things with me. I can relate. It feels good doesn't it? I revealed my autism for the first time at church when I was doing special music at a Sunday evening service. Most recently, I emailed a synthesizer pioneer and musician about how his music touched me as a child. I got into synthesizers and music because of him. I told him that I was autistic and that his music caused a special intense interest in me to ignite. Well, his co-worker musician got ahold of the email too and was so touched by it that he asked my permission to use my email in his upcoming book (to be published around the world) on this guy. I am like, whoa!! ! That is incredible. What an honor. So I am also thinking that besides giving a testimony to this guy's influence on me, I am now literally revealing to the world I have autism. And that is cool.

Those that mind do not matter and those that matter...do not mind.

there are understanding and compassionate people everywhere. I never hide anything, not out of bravery, but because I do not have much grasp on the whole public/private divide in relation to people, information and life and groups. That means i have a tendency to monologue and over-disclose and I have a fairly poor ability to understand how my information will be interpreted or received. I follow my own system of thinking which appears completely haphazard to some but makes perfect sense to me and includes processing most things out loud or in exchanges with others. I am a typically inconsistent and eccentric arty-farty aspie type.

So, most people know I am on the spectrum. At my son's school they all know. Some of them think I am a freak and some of them are really lovely about it. I choose to dwell on the nice ones and am learning to ignore the rest and just get on with the business of making my life as nice as I can for myself and my son. Some of the teachers in the school have such scant and outdated knowledge of ASD's. it would be great if they learned a bit more, and updated their perceptions about it.

Thank you for the encouraging words. I guess I feel a bit nervous and good at the same time about it. I'm sure the nervousness will pass and this will just be a good thing eventually.

Ever since I saw the Temple Grandin movie, whenever I see a post about revealing AS/autism to the world, I think of how she sometimes addressed people, "Hello I am Temple Grandin and I have autism."

Why do we reveal ourselves? We don't usually say to someone, "Hello I am John Doe and I have OCD (or whatever else). So why do some of us feel like revealing our autism? I do it whenever I am doing a music ministry. I have done it with fellow workers, etc. I think I might know why.

Our autistic way of thinking is so different from the so-called norm that we can come across to others as stand-offish, snobbish, ignoring, etc. I have always had difficulty in trying to communicate/talk to people. In previous teacher evaluations I have been said to be awkward and stiff-acting in my approach. My students obviously sensed this too. My students often gave me a rough time in class. Eventually I was placed in the position I am in now---the gifted program---one on one with gifted and special needs students. This is where I belong. I did not do well in front of a class of several students. In my music ministry, before my knowledge of AS, I would hesitate to speak to congregations because of my awkwardness. Instead, I would simply play the music and say a quick thank you and go on to the next song. Now, with my knowledge of AS (after my diagnosis), I know why I have been this way. A new door has been opened for me (like with Temple Grandin in the movie). I tell congregations I have AS/autism and I can now proceed with some speaking and communicating---because my awkwardness has a reason and I have told them so. Now, rather than audiences thinking, "Hmm, he is stiff-acting/awkward, maybe he would rather be doing something else. Or, maybe he is nervous and scared. Or, etc.," they expect that I will be awkward and it takes the pressure off of me to try to act like I think I am supposed to. It has really helped. The audiences have opened up to me very well. Well...that is my theory for why some of us reveal our autism.

I agree with you Glider. For me... it's to explain my awkwardness as well as let people know that I'm not a "threat," just because I'm a bit different. I've read and seen stuff on tv suggesting that people who don't make eye contact and act a bit strange, are perceived as "shady".

I'm 6'3", 240lbs, and have an almost permanently "stiff gaze". Some people are a bit intimidated by me until they get to know me. I know this because several people have told me. I'm very direct and to the point, especially with people I'm not comfortable with. As I get to know someone a bit better, I can turn up the meness a bit more, and let my sense of humor compensate for my outward appearance.

I wanted people to know that there is a reason I am the way I am, and that MY "normal behavior" is a bit different than standard. But, that doesn't mean I'm less of a person or a threat.

Your mention of the Temple Grandin movie is very interesting/relevant. I actually ordered HBO earlier this week just to be able to watch it. I saw it three times in the days before deciding to use this opportunity to "come out" about being autistic. The "door opening" idea/concept was definitely part of my decision. Temple's courage was very inspirational to me.

Hi JOsh, like you we ordered HBO just so we could see the movie on Temple Grandin. I was so glad to see this movie and how open she is about her autism. It has given me more assurance that I am doing the right thing. You're height and weight is similar to mine. I am 6'1" and 230 lbs. In junior high school I was 6'1" and around 140 lbs. Gee, I think I need to go on a diet .

I am currently in a turmoil about my 8 year old AS son. He was diagnosed last year and has an IEP at school in autism. Yet, he hasn't been told about his AS. We go to autism support group meetings, but yet he doesn't ask why. Now, he is wanting to play baseball on the little league that is now forming at his school. The last day for sign-ups is tomorrow. There are two choices we can take with him. 1. Regular little league. 2. Challenger League for children with special needs (everything from wheelchair bound to Asperger's). We (my wife and I) don't know what to do. We feel like if he goes in regualar little league he might end up like I was when I tried baseball in the 1970's---very frustrated and quit. But, if he goes on Challenger League, will he wonder why he is playing with some kids who can't even walk. He does have an AS friend who plays on the Challenger League. We just don't know what to do. I think I'm going to post this part of my message on the forum to get some advice---We are really struggling with this.

Sorry for getting off topic, but it is still about revealing autism. Thank you for reading.

How cool! You are awesome.

If I can make a suggestion, please reassure the people who mention your email that you are happy to answer any questions anyone might have about autism because you know most people don't know much about it. (Only if this is the case, of course!)

I say this because often us NTs are afraid to inquire further, because you might consider it rude or intrusive. And instead we come up with the weirdest ideas. And you've created this marvellous opening and it seems people are sympathetic to you, and it would be so great if they could learn more about autism and understand it better!

This made me laugh, GLider18.
BEcause this is EXACTLY what I do. Within a minute of talking to me someone gets a burgeoning monologue on my ASD. I swing it around to that as a subject - it is like i am PULLED there by the special interest that is at present ASD's.

it has been really interesting.
When my special interest numero uno was art and painting, it was socially acceptable and FINE to talk about it. People thought i went on a bit, but because that special interest had social and cultural kudos it was perceived as having worth and merit and value.

My current one - ASD's and its manifestation in me and others - is more tabou. People do NOT want to hear about it in the same way they were open to the art/painting, which was also my career and gave me "validity" in others' eyes.

It is very interesting. My disclosure patterns have not altered, but the content has. And THE CHANGE IN REACTIONS IS VERY INTERESTING TO NOTE!


but as I say...there are good people everywhere whether NT or ASD and I tend to try to seek them out these days in my slow and clumsy and rather tortured/mistake making way!

I don't know about anyone else but I am getting T-shirts made

To the OP, awesome, awesome, awesome.......! !!

It is a battle sometimes and it is good the share the spoils with others......and have them celebrate with you.

The flip side is, that sometimes in the "outing" of something, we do get the "negative Nancy's" (soory if anyone is called Nancy).

And they are the ones that you put glue on their seat.

Mics

Hi Millie, glad to make you laugh. I agree with you on the way people perceive our interests. People must have gotten tired of my lecturing about roller coasters, but it has to be quite different for them to hear about autism. Again, I look at the reason why some of us seem to enjoy talking our autism with those around us. After reading your post, I got an idea that is obvious I think. Since many of us with autism have special intense interests, we do often like to talk about them. And it is easy for autism to become one of those special intense interests. Therefore it becomes a topic of our conversation.

It sounds like you are not so much into art at the moment. I do that at times with things too. But what I have done with autism is to draw it into my music ministry on dulcimers. In that way, I have both music and autism blended together since my music came as a result of autism. I wonder if you could create paintings themed to autism? I often like to write poetry, and I recently made a couple of poems that are about autism.

Thanks Glider18, for the suggestion.

The thing is, the special interest of painting has gone off for a wander for a while. It will come back when it is ready. At present, I am the happiest I have been in a good while - doing some online study related to a plan re me and ASD work, and also focusing on my son and his needs. Life is going smoothly and really well. I am not missing the painting. With me, the special interests,make up their own minds about their appearance and disappearances from my life and I feel quite happy with that kind of arrangement with them.

I am glad you are happy Millie---that is important. I am generally happy too. Last year I did a lot of study of autism, and since my youngest son's AS diagnosis, well...it does become quite a center of interest. I have certain interests that I call cyclic---they come and go, and come and go.

Wow.
Very impressive comment you gave them (with which I happen to agree, btw).

I can understand your concern with coming out, after reading all those details they published. I think it was brave of you.

I'm in favor of the general public knowing the truth about AS, and I think articles like that, with comments from people as articulate as you, help us. So thank you.