Yesterday, I had a rough day. I had taken a broom making class the last 2 days before and really pushed myself further than I should have. I wanted that broom. Btw, broom making is not for wimps...it can be best described as weaving while weightlifting because you have to keep the tension on the wire so tight while wrapping it.
Anyway, yesterday I was feeling very autistic. Very few thoughts were going through my head. I could not focus on anything and I was amuzed by the the simplest things.And I felt numb, void of any emotion whatsoever (which is usually not the case for me...I am a very emotional person and usually have more than one emotion going on at once). Plus colors were brighter than usual and sounds were more distinct. Most of the time I can pull myself out of that, but I could not. It was like everything was in slow-mo. The bad part was that I had alot to do...a house that needed some serious cleaning. My mom was about to nut up because she is allergic to mold and there was some dishes and laundry that was about to get moldy. I just could not pull myself out of it, so I went to bed very early and slept for 12 hours and I feel much better. I was not deprived of sleep yesterday as I slept 10 hours the night before last. I think I was totally worn out from the class...I have worked hard in my life from time to time, but making that broom had to have been one of the hardest things I have done...right up there with mountain climbing.
Well my question is I did not know that autism has a micro-spectrim too...as in I can go from moderate pdd to severe pdd in a day. It was kinda scary although I could not feel the fear...I felt trapped behind a glass wall and no matter how hard I pushed to regain my regular level of functioing....I was unable. My mind was in a numbing fog and not many thoughts were cirulating through my brain...not enough to even do the simplest tasks. My mom had to make a list, step by step, how to do simple chores. I felt like Donna Williams did after her crazy mother smacked her head against the wall.
Has this ever happened to anyone else???
_________________
All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up.
-James Baldwin