Difference btwn how you Present and how you Are?

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My friend's just pointed out to me part of why I have so many problems with people.
Apparently, in real life(not on forums), I present as a sort of polite little thing that is a people pleaser. But she thinks that I'm a thinking person, with my own mind, although she does say that she finds it sometimes a strange mind, sometimes interesting, sometimes annoying.

So her theory is that people just assume that they can push me around, and are most upset when I turn round and snarl, with bitey teeth and nasty words. They kind of think it's my fault because I'd "advertised" as a polite people pleaser.

I had no idea of this, and have been happily being me, and thought I was a polite enough person, but had never made any secret of the fact that I do have my own opinions on things.

So two questions:
- anyone else seem to not present as what they are?
- I wonder how I can stop giving people the wrong initial impression, without going around with a permanent scowl.

I didn't really present as I was for a couple of years, there. Green hair and leather isn't really me.

People and things have always been a distraction to me, and it generally shows one way or the other by the mood that any situation may put me in. And so whatever pigeonhole others may wish to stuff me in, a people pleaser or a bag of wind, I usually don't believe it; mainly because I know that sometimes when I'm home alone with my wife, I can almost be lovable.

Yes. I also present as polite and shy, and usually timid. But when I know someone well I get TOO comfortable and begin acting strange, because I have a hard time interacting, so I try a bit too hard. The whole ordeal wears me out.

Nope. I pretty much present online as I do in meat space. I'm just a lot more eloquent online because I'm not tripping over my words. I generally type the same way I talk though and use the same kind of word structuring.

This sounds so familiar it's actually funny. I'm rather quiet, very polite and don't feel the need to challenge people. (I had no idea that at least in some cultures, being quiet makes people think you're weak or even stupid). On occasions, I can be distant and look bored and I found this saves me some grief.

I only recently became aware of the way people try to establish a hierarchy in the early stages of knowing each other and sort of "mark their territory" - especially inside same gender groups. I was oblivious of the signals and apparently projected an either submissive or dismissive attitude. So some tried to intimidate me and others felt intimidated themselves

I don't know what to do about it yet. I imagine some sort of balance should be sought - easier said than done, at least for me, as the line between assertive and aggressive is not that clear in my mind. Add my often misleading body language and facial expressions and you'll probably get a recipe for disaster. For the time being I can afford to live a very isolated life, but eventually I'll have to come up with something

I believe it comes down to non verbal communications, or lack. If you study NT behaviour, you might see that all the time, there are 'status' tells in the body in every social exchange. The establishment of the hierarchy, as Sallamandrina put it, is never ending. With our limited ability to subconsciously pick up on these, respond to them, and project our own, NTs find us confusing, and yes, surprising! Whenever I snap and get angry, people are always shocked, because I'm not projecting the signals that should presage its coming.

I have no easy answer to change this. Making a study of body language can help. Being mindful of yourself and others in each situation can help. I think this is problematic because the NTs have this skill to a certain degree without having to try, and we have to devote many brain cycles to keeping track. It can be hard work.

Most people in offline have either taken me as someone who doesn't have thoughts at all, or as someone who finds abstract thought easy. I actually think the reason for this is that the body language most people associate with each stereotype is identical, because both stereotypes have been associated with autistic body language. But I am neither sort of person, I have thoughts but abstraction on the level some people expect is a struggle. And the expectations of both (or of people who get angry at me for not being what they expect) are exhausting.