having fingerprints taken at a new job, being touched

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started training for the Census job today. The training leader had taught two fellow census-takers on how to take ink fingerprints yesterday.

One lady was friendly, she was about my age. I'm a guy in my mid-40s, she's also around in her mid-40s. It's a difficult process in which you have to roll the finger to get a full print. She was friendly, made it easy for me to banter back and forth with her a little. I mean, it was almost sensual. I don't know if I'm going to get a chance to really talk with her later on, don't know if we'll hit it off if we do, but you just never know . . .

Now, even though she took both the roll prints and the flat prints, the team leader wanted to send in a complete second set just in case the first aren't good enough.

And about an hour later, the person who took my second set was an older guy who's a neighbor of mine who I do not like. I don't like him because I once offered to carry buckets of water for our neighborhood park, and he turned down my offer of help. So I'm having someone touch me who I don't like. In addition, he had just finished eating a sandwich and an apple, and wiping his mouth. I said [placing a hand on his shoulder], "You're a good guy, but you want to wash up." He said, "No." Wow. I worry about him being germy, esp as he hands me a bottle of hand lotion to make my fingerprints kind of plumb up. If you don't get a good print on a roll, you put a white sticky on top of the bad print and try again. Several times his fingernails almost scratched me, but I don't think breaking the skin. Still, I lacked the assertiveness skill(s).

Already, there had been a previous issue with my initial paperwork, and I do not want to raise a second issue and be viewed as a problem employee. Didn't have a medium sideways skill other than just adamently refusing to do it, and that doesn't seem the right move, because I do want the job and can use the money.

I understand totally, but can't you think of it as a temporary inconvenience?

I'm guessing you washed your hands afterwards?

I mean this was a one off thing right? So your ordeal is already over - you don't have to touch this guy again.

If on the other hand, you have to do this sort of thing in future, you may not be suited to the job if you have intense dislikes for people (like I do), otherwise you would be stressed out each time you have a similar encounter.

I work for the census too, and it is the official procedure to have 2 sets of finger prints. I know, they trained me to take people's finger prints (but i can handle the touching if I know what it going to be).

SUPPOSEDLY, the people finger printing are just "finger print assistants". But in the first operation they did, they were told they were the crew leader assistants. So there is a chance you will be having further contact with them. I know my training class was told if someone has particularly difficult finger prints, to just start taking them on the stickers, and once you got a good one to use it. The FBI is very strict about what they will accept, and one bad finger print ruins the entire card. Thats why they want 2. They can't combine the cards.

One thing you will find with working for the census is directions change CONSTANTLY. Expect it to happen. They will decide something is better done one way, or invent a new procedure where there wasn't one b4. Prep yourself now to be flexible and expect change. (I was trained to be a crew leader, but asked to be a crew leader assistant, and I have seen MANY changes already emailed out to us).

I wouldn't say anything about this guy yet to your crew leader. There is a fair chance you won't have to deal with him, and I think NT's could take it as your dislike for him over the water carrying thing the wrong way. See it as something small, when to you it isn't. If he becomes a CLA, then I would privately talk to your CL.

And refusing to wash his hands...ewww!

That makes me kinda glad, that I don't work for Census.

Yep...that's the world of work for you - people take loads of crap because they're scared of losing their jobs. It's not cowardice though, there's a gun to the head when you need the money. How can anybody learn to be assertive without a level playing field?

Why would your fingerprints need to be taken if you're working for anywhere but the police/criminal justice system?

I'd be telling them where to stick their job.

I've had my finger prints get taken when I had to get a badge so I can start working and I find it a silly reason to dislike someone for turning down your offer of help.

Yeah, that's what I say. And thank you for being open to where I'm coming from. It would have been so much better if the guy had been able to do something like the following:

"No." (his initial reaction)

'Well, on second thought, that might be a good idea. Why don't we both wash up.'


That's the skill of recovery, and very few people have the skill of recovery (and since I'm learning social skills, I might as well learn really good social skills!).

And I also could have done a better job asking him (probably more briefly, matter-of-factly, and in a less complicated fashion). But I do not claim perfection, and that should not be the requirement to broad, general social acceptance (not perfect across-the-board acceptance, for that's not realistic). And, NTs are not some kind of automatons to be played. They are real people, too (although they do sometimes greatly frustrate me). And people, of all types, are just too complicated for any social method to work all the time.

The social movement I really hope for, Aspie, 'Normal,' Different in Different Ways, all of us, accepted for who we are, and appreciated for what we can do. That is, I'm very much in favor of human potential and human growth (I very much am a child of the 1970s!). And as far as economics, when regular jobs begin looking for new employees as energetically as rip-off MLM outfits, then we will have something close to full employment and something close to a healthy economic system.

That's the zen of it all! I can't run my feelings through some kind of rationality filter,

Now, the details, the guy was pretty out of line, (group project, people asked to help), it felt like a pounce, and I think it kind of was a pounce. If I told the whole story, I think you might largely agree with me.

But, all the same, the possibility that I might be mistaken or over-reacting kind of helps to soften my reaction. And that's what I'm looking for anyway. A good middle-of-the-road reaction.

I'm going to give the guy space and give myself space.

And I'm going to focus most of my energy on the people I'm interested in having relationships with.

Two bits of advice from someone who has worked in the census before:

One: If you can be detail oriented, offer to help your CL with paperwork. This could be a good way to avoid some human interactions. Trust me, crew leaders are BURRIED in paperwork. They may not take you up on this, but if you can do it accurately, it won't hurt. But DON"T cite your aspergers as a reason to keep you off the street. say something like you are good with paperwork, and if they need any extra help, to let you know and you would be more than happy to do spend some time on that.

Two: prepare to be an actor. I've done it before when doing jobs that require interaction. Be an actor for the first few minutes, and then most people will take over and be alot more sociable. Once you get a good start, they tend to ignore some oddities.

I have the same issues with being touched. I usually come right out and say that I do not want to be touched it makes me feel weird in my own skin. If you touch me I'll have to go home early to be weirded out since I will not be able to get anything done. Most of my bosses have opted for me not to be touched so I would not have to go home early.

One of my jobs I had too work with some guy who was all touchy feely putting his hand on my back or shoulder. He seemed to enjoy making me feel uncomfortable depite me telling him how uncomfortable he made me. My lawyer that I contacted who had a talk with my boss that made him feel uncomfortable when my boss freaked out at him infront of everybody keeping his hands to himself.