People with HFA are fairly self absorbed

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Self absorbed mightn't be the right term what I mean is they seem to be less interested in other people than neurotypical people. I'm not criticising anyone here cuz I'm the exact same way its just an observation. I've noticed on threads on this forum people will reply only the talk about themselves but they rarely ask questions about other people. I post on other forums such as shroomery.org and noticed that people on those forums are usually much more interrogative, they always question the OP's. Is this a misconception of mine or is this a valid observation?

I think it's a reasonable observation but not one to treat as definitive. I try not to talk about myself all the ti-

Oops.

I think that I'm the most self-absorbed person, here.

It's true, yep. Having a 'conversation' here is often a bit like shouting into an abyss. You get used to it.

Its true . But I just prefer to avoid asking people questions about themselves b/c their personal lives are NOMB. Plus, putting yourself in another person's perspective can be very difficult & tiring.

The word you're looking for is probably "introverted". An introverted person generally tends to form fewer bonds, interact less, and know more about himself and less about others; when they form friendships, they are deep but few in number. About 25% of neurotypicals are introverts; but with autistic people, it seems that about 75%-90% are introverts.

Another factor could be that many of us have issues with back-and-forth conversation--that is, "lack of reciprocity". We have problems keeping up our ends of a conversation, bouncing the action between two or more people. Adding statements and answering questions is a lot easier for us than taking a more active role. When autistic people get together, that sort of rhythm is often observable: People take turns talking about what they are thinking; and other people listen, then talk about what they are thinking when they get a turn. Other than having to quiet the occasional too-long monologue, it seems to work fairly well.

I notice this as well on this message board. It reminds me of when my Aspie friend and I go out to eat. It seems that we have a one sided conversation about each others special interests. Thank god there is enough common ground to have a spotanious conversation every once in awhile.

I have noticed that people on the spectrum seem to relate to situations through their special interests, what they have read and personal experience. I sometimes notice more "factual" talk than "emotional" talk.

It seems I get along best with people who engage in a style that's in between the aspie and NT style.

Extremely social NT types annoy me just as much as extreme aspie types who monologue for too long. They overwhelm me with all their questions and they change the subject without my consent far too frequently. I don't feel like I can connect with someone who doesn't give me enough "space" to think because they're all about bouncing back and forth questions and cute little one-liners rather than having a deeper discussion about anything.

Hey if you think its bad here try a forum for people with Narcissistic personality disorder or psychopathy.

Now that is ego blog central of the internet

Selfabsorbed and beautiful, to hell with reciprocity! when I was a child I used to draw maps of imaginary islands. There are many islandlike people here, I find it fascinating and comforting the way things are on WP.

Oh hell no you are not the most self-absorbed! That title is taken by someone else. Not just taken, but he grabbed it and ran with it and he's so far ahead of everyone else in self-absorption that no one could possibly get the title back from him, except maybe by chasing after him faster than the speed of light.

Most of the time, folks post here to ask a question, so we answer the question that's been asked. We may use our own experience as an example, but what else are we to do? A lot of times we only have our own experience to draw upon. Also, many of the questions are of the, "I do this. Do you?" or "What do you think about...?" variety. I have seen many people ask questions when an OP's question needed clarification. In a way, though, I do understand what you mean. I sometimes cringe when I count the number of times "I" appears in some of my answers.

A couple people mentioned introversion, that's part of it, but i think introversion is both genetic and learned... and by learned, i mean more forced upon you by you being who you are, then something you choose to learn.

Aspies and HFA's tend to concentrate on facts, figures, specifics... and often putting those specifics together to make the whole, they care about the understanding, the hard concrete things that they can put their hands on... and it's because they can't (or have a hard time) express(ing) the other side of things, the feelings the emotions and all that stuff that is utter and complete crud and time-waster.

So... when i start talking about facts, and Mr. NT starts giving an emotional overview of it, and how it makes him "feel" (bleh!) we react by trying to take it back to what we know... the reality.. the objective, not the subjective. (or at least what we perceive to be the objective, as subjective as it might be) They then turn away from the conversation, and we're left there talking to thin air... so we don't repeat that... thus, we talk less, and we know if we ask questions we're all too likely to get those emotional replies that we just don't quite understand, and that make some of us feel like we're lacking, or stupid because we don't understand them... Thus we learn to be introverts, without wanting to be... Probably most of us wish we could be extroverts... I know better about myself.. I would become bored silly if i had to do what it took to become an extrovert. So i will not become one.

What callista said about reciprocity is also important, but a lot of it comes from these varying interests...
Aspies for the most part have an interest spectrum that is very different from NT's... there is overlap, of course... but the old grade-school Venn-diagrams would have a small area where the two circles intersected.
And... the Aspie circle would be much larger... I think.

There could be something in the way we post OP's too...
I find a lot more are "here's an idea... discuss" than on any other forum I have ever been on.
And the ones that aren't.. are "I feel like <insert something here> do you feel the same?"

I think it's a different approach to learning.. one that doesn't require you to constantly put in feedback.. you can stand back and watch others have the feedback with each other (and get more ideas to ponder while watching).. however that doesn't always happen here, you just get a lot of people chiming in about the same thing, often repeating, often conflicting. I prefer an idea to ponder than one to discuss.. but that's just me.
There are feeback loops though, that sound a lot like "it's A" "no it's B" "I said it's A" "and I said it's B" (well, not quite so bad, but still)

I find reciprocity much easier on forums than in real life conversation, primarily because i can take as long as I want to consider my reply, instead of having to blurt it out pronto.
Timed chess and mail-chess have totally different strategy levels. And the same applies to conversation... and forums are like mail-chess.. personal conversation has a time-limit.

Aut = self. Autism.

I am short on time right now, but I would like to add something about autism and introversion. The same thing also goes for the thread about the defining trait of Asperger's.

The definition of an extrovert is "someone who gets energy from people". It is not affected by the way you think. You can be extremely rational and still be a strong extrovert. In the other thread, someone mentioned "being in your own head" as the defining trait of Asperger's. I agree with this, and it does not necessarily define introversion, because you can be in your own head but still be happier being around other people than being on your own.

I feel like I have to allude to my personal experience here, since I'm an extrovert diagnosed with AS (and I often feel like a HFA). I like talking to people, but only about matters that do not have anything to do with my personal feelings. However, the things I tend to discuss are not factual per se. I am very interested in personality theory in general, in observing people's behaviour and trying to figure out how other people think and the reasoning behind their thoughts. I used to like exploring different cultures. So, my thought process is still primarily person-oriented, despite not being based on feelings.

Interpersonal interactions don't drain me mentally if I don't have to put on any sort of act. Sensory-wise, over time, I still get exhausted; it all depends on the environment where I am socializing. In this respect, I am not a complete extrovert; I would say I'm a mild one.

In regards to being in your own head. I'm an extrovert but I'm still very much in my own head. I find it hard to adapt my train of thought to other peoples'. Rather, I tend to say something, take in their response to what I say, and make a certain conclusion in my mind. For example, if I'm talking to someone about a certain subject, I offer my opinion, listen to the other person's, and try to incorporate it into my base of knowledge, while simultaneously trying to find any inconsistencies and telling them to the other person to see if they agree, and the process usually continues until we arrive at a mutual agreement. Most of my conversations tend to be like that. Even though the focus of this interaction is internal, I find it difficult to do this on my own. I need a constant, dynamic interaction where I can participate and influence things around me. I cannot be passive, and doing things on my own rather than with people makes me feel extremely passive.

I've told one of my teachers that I'm an extrovert, and he was surprised, because I almost don't interact with my peers at all. The reason for this is because I find it confusing, not because I don't want to do it. If I don't have the necessary tools to perform an operation, there's no way I would be able to do it. In this case, I find it almost impossible to engage in the idle chit-chat that most people my age enjoy. Once I begin talking to someone, there's a high possibility that I would start spewing facts at them and scare them away from me forever. Most of my friends are way older than me because we almost solely participate in the "data dump" and "debate" kind of conversation. I've seen my peers have this kind of conversation, but it takes a more different form and usually requires the small talk kind of exchange beforehand. Since I can't get through that initial stage, it never gets to the favourable point with my peers. As a result, I've chosen not to engage with them at all, or minimally.

Oh I agree that we can be pretty self-absorbed, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. We only know how to look at things from our own perspective because it's the only perspective we understand.