Standing out in a crowd as a defense mechanism

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Does anybody else do this? For a while I was pretty good at blending in with the other "freaks" but I notice that wherever I go I have to get up on some metaphorical podium and make myself the center of attention. It's not even intentional... and I've asked my friends to tell me when I'm "on the podium" so I can quit with the nonsense. I single myself out wherever I go. Even here. I'm not trying to prove that I'm special but I have an automatic desire to make myself stand out like a sore thumb. It might be so other people can't make me stand out first. I don't know. Any thoughts? How can I quit with this charade?

I do that in Beatle City, British Columbia, making self made Kinks T-shirts and wearing them, to say, "This is the way I am...if you don't like it, too bad!"

I have ASPD. Also have narcissistic personality disorder, which is included in the package. Even though I look and act quite weird, standing out and showing off is unresistable for me. Its kinda funny, cuz with my posture and poor social skills, I would naturally stand out/off in public, so why bother

Even in this forum I am tempted to stand out, cuz this is what charges my self esteem. Its my fuel.

I might adopt this strategy.

I do this to a degree, and it took me a while before I realized it was a defense mechanism..I don't want to be the center of attention, but I do want to feel like I exist.
It used to be that I would not go out in public without a weird costume on...often self-made or altered...etc..

How did you stop? For me it's not about what I'm wearing (everybody in the music industry dresses up as part of their act) but what I'm saying. How I'm drawing attention to myself to talk about irrelevant topics. How I always single myself out because I'm so used to being singled out.

It is variable. I alternate - blend in to hide out or in your face to make you keep your distance. Once wore a pith helmet to an Africanist conference and nearly got escorted outr [stupid PC types]. Very situational and complex. I am most outrageous when at ease with those I am comfortable with OR under stress with danerous strangers.

Not my scene, I would much rather blend into the background than stand out.

Vanilla_Slice

i used to do this, some with my behavior but mostly with my appearance. but instead of keeping the bullying at bay, it elicited more: i felt like an animal in a zoo. but every time i tried to mainstream myself, i got terrible anxiety and knew it wasn't working either.

if i ever figure out how to permanently put away the "deliberate freak" armor i will let you know. it's like a safe place to run when someone seems to be inspecting you for signs that something is "off." i guess it was somewhat empowering to act like i chose the role of "outsider" rather than it choosing me. an overcompensation. i would guess the only way to let it go is to learn to be comfortable with the idea that people might think you odd or off-putting even when you wish they didn't. i actually like people who bump into street signs and are ill at ease socially, so surely there must be others who see the character rather than the deficits.

so .. struggling with a similar thing myself. wondering if it would help to "come out of the closet" as an accidental oddball who isn't so comfortable about it after all. (sorry, it's the way i'm wired - take it or leave it.) ?

I haven't really stopped..I just don't get out much.
When I do get out I am usually among my spectrumy friends..my ASish boyfriend..who often acts like a little kid and has a loud voice when he is happy...our pal who is a friend who is a jolly mixed-bag of "different brain wiring" and stands out and is always singing and muttering silly stuff about every thing and making up words and concepts... and my business partner Flakey..who is aguably the closest to NT among us but certainly has his crazy times..So we stand out as a goofy and recognizable bunch of people...

I really don't want to interact that much with people but I drag my ukulele around everywhere...I sing out loud a lot..I frenetically pace around and do things that other people in the same environment aren't doing....I stim a lot...I talk in my high sing-song voice and have a hard time with volume control...(when you met me, I had laryngitis)
I have been known to take Puppetrina around with me to places...so that tends to get attention and amuse and/or weird people out....That I am carrying around a doll and talking through her and taking it rather seriously...

So I guess I shouldn't use the word "used"....I don't really "Dress Up" in my "Poopylungstuffing" costume as much as I used to...only for special occasions....

The fuzzy bra makes me look abnormally voluptuous....and this is not my "best costume"...
This was week before last at the Free Press Summer Fest (i didn't perform, but I did "dress up")..I was in a really bad mood and had a meltdown later on that day...but the costume did help me feel more comfortable in that environment in some ways

I love your outfits and dolls and know people who dress like that (are you familiar with dark cabaret, steampunk, and lolita fashion?) who do not stand out. What makes us stand out is not what we wear but how we act. In my crowd of people someone might stand out if they were wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Yet not as much as someone would stand out for going on and on about the same thing 24/7 and constantly making themselves the center of attention.

I do it too, I say idiotic things to make myself look like a clown, and am drawn to ridiculous clothes.

Yes, I am guilty of giving off the appearance fairly intentionally that I am more dangerous and irritable that I really am.

I am familiar with those concepts of fashion, but don't "fit in" to any of those crowds..In fact I would be more apt to get teased by card-carrying members of such genres as I was when I briefly lived in New Orleans...

I might stand out in some places by my behavior..I pace around a lot..I have a funny voice,....I just don't merge very well with any sort of crowd..I don't "fit" into a genre..even if I sort of resemble a genre....I still don't "Fit" or blend...and this is not really on purpose...

Right there with you. I just mean that what makes us stand out is the way we act in public. Not our clothing. We actually do "fit in" if we are dressing alternative. At least in a fashion sense. We don't "fit in" socially though. Just with our clothing.

I don't want to stop. I'm sick of letting myself be pushed around, by mainstream society.