Did you just burn your mind on something?

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Some of you will have read my other thread on here, asking if people tend to want to say "Ow!" when they fail at doing something delicate and/or tricky (like win a video game). That's one that I tend to do.

However, I have noticed a somewhat similar odd tendency with a friend of mine who seems not to be on the spectrum (though who does tend to spend lots of time in his head, which makes him seem a little AS-ish). It happens when my own autistic need for definitive scheduling shows through. I hate changing plans at the last minute, so when we decide we are going to meet in the future, I usually want to know when he's going to be available. I also make an effort to let him know exactly when I'm available, so that I will not give him an excuse to change his plans because I have to cancel on my end.

However, whenever I try to make sure we are on the same page, he does this think where it feels like he is suddenly "pulling his mind backward". I know that sounds weird, but I can't think of a better way to describe it. In specific, literal terms, he repeatedly tries to apologize by saying everything is alright, he doesn't mind, etc. Not apologizing for his lack of ability to be definitive, but like he is assuming the problem is that I can't make it when he is available, and that I feel judged unfriendly or in some other way inadequate for that, which sidesteps the real issue. The way he does it, it feels to me as if he touched a hot stove and reflexively pulled his hand back, except instead of his hand, it's his mind. Which is what gave me the idea for the silly title of this post. In other words, he abruptly drops the former train of thought, he talks faster than normal, and it seems as if he just wants to make the issue to go away before he can even think about it.

When I manage to reach him next I will bring it up, and ask him both why he acts like that and what we can do to compromise between our different "wavelengths". I find it actually in some way helpful that he reacts so distinctively when my AS fixation/stubbornness shows, as it makes me aware of what I'm doing really quickly, but I still find it odd. I was wondering if any others of you have noticed this seemingly reflexive "Ow!" reaction from others.