Neuro / Social / Fear Problems overcome by an NT (me)

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The thrust of this post is to let you know that you are not alone when it comes to embarrassment or fears in life. I, too, had to overcome many. With this post, I strive to give hope to all those who don't allow their life to progress because of fear or embarrassment.

I have been in many instances in life where I was almost petrified from fear. I did not quit. I knew that to get in the habit of quitting (short term relief from pain - long term suffering) is to quit life itself. You end up running from all the great beauty and pleasures in life because of your fear of the pain.

I had many neurological problems as a child. My gross motor coordination was so off I couldn't run straight. I had so many years of verbal and physical tics...obsessive behaviors (had to turn a 360 whenever I walked around any corner...to unwind...etc) ....wetting the bed until puberty...terrible fine motor coordination (my hand writing is still illegible)....terrible grades (I couldn't sit still / my mind constantly went to my inner world / my feet got so hot I had to take off my shoes in class / felt as if I were suffocating if the temperatures exceeded the mid 70s...etc)).........I DID NOT QUIT...because I held on to my dreams...planned and held to them.

I was very shy and awkward. I still don't have any friends outside of work. I have my family...more than enough. I stay up all night on my off days. I don't go out much...all by choice (not because I feel I can not do otherwise).

I overcame many of my deficits through sports...on to Combative Sports....Active Army (Light Infantry /Recon Platoon)...Corrections...all the while maintaining physical training on my own and through training halls. I've also had to become the Alpha Male in the dorms in which I have worked as a Correctional officer (22+ Years) filled with murderers, and many times, grapple with criminals on the job.

I had many...many fights (I averaged 1 a year) until I was 22 yrs. old (I left the army at 21). I was so scared most of my fights as I was ALWAYS at some physical disadvantage (bully larger almost every time). I fought out of self defense and in the defense of others. I never backed down...I never quit...I won all of my fights....except my first one. That first one (3rd grade) I was trying to bargain my way out...he hit me so hard in my stomach...I went home crying...but with a firm conviction in my heart that I would never cower again...as the result of doing so was so very painful...the psychological pain of cowardice being the most painful of all. I knew I would feel fear in the future...but I also knew I couldn't give in to it. In the Army...there were so many times I felt sick with fear...but I already knew I wouldn't quit. With each successful obstacle conquered...the next became easier....I looked forward to the next. With each success, I saw more and more of the beauty of life. When you love yourself...everything in life becomes beautiful. You lose the fear of failure...because you know that quitting is not an option...you will try your best...and whatever comes..shall come.

My Philosophy is not borne of our experience with our son - only the parenting advice. It is borne of my experience in life...the life I consciously chose to live with a brave heart...as I know life shall not reward the cowering one. Life is for those who choose to live it. For those who realize that the obstacles are opportunities for conquering your fears so life's beauty can be fully realized by you. Stress is no longer a factor in your decision making...just the rewards.


Don't allow anyone to prevent you from achieving your dreams...most of all you.

Conquer your embarrassment and fears one at a time and in manageable bites. Always move forward...you can do that which you really wish to do.

Find your passion...pursue it relentlessly...never give up.

This is the same Philosophy I am teaching my Aspie son. He has conquered so many deficits already...and he looks forward to the challenges of the future because of his attitude.

Whether you change your attitude and allow it to alter you actions or through your correct actions allowing it to alter your attitude...Either way you win...Just do one or the other regardless of your fears.

Well, good that you have found an approach which worked for you.

Is it a realistic goal to ask everyone to snap out of Asperger, Autism, or ADHD and become NT?

In my view, no.

It is incorrect thinking.

Regarding the idea that everyone can overcome something like Asperger, Autism, or ADHD, my personal view is that is nonsense.

Even persons like Temple Grandin (autism) and C. Thomas Wild (ADHD Inattentive) both admit they still are autistic or ADHD Inattentive although they have found methods to cope a little with their lifelong neurological challenges.

If one looks at the area of mild brain injuries/concussions, there is a lot of evidence that it lasts forever although persons can find ways to deal with it.

http://www.sportsconcussions.org/

It is nonsense to falsely promote the idea (my view) that everyone can transition from a neurological challenge to a NT.

One only has to look at the many, many epilepsies and realize that, in many cases, epilepsy is for life.

There are a lot of ideas about neurological challenges going around including the idea that everyone can recover from anything neurological.

One only has to look at the area of encephalitis and realize that, in many cases, the consequences are lifelong.

http://www.encephalitis.info/

http://www.hemihelp.org.uk/
http://www.associatedconditionsofcerebralpalsy.com/

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Can persons benefit a little by becoming aware of ideas like executive functions and goal setting?

Yes.

http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/school/time/index.html
http://www.daytimer.com/birk/
http://www.mead.com/

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Forrest Gump (movie)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forrest_Gump

We might all hope that ultimately works as well for him as you believe it has for you.



Taken literally, that is not good. To me, that sounds like "Bring it on so I can prove myself!"



I prefer living my way into new thinking over trying to think my way into new living, but either way, yes, it is the action we take even against our own thinking that can lead to change.

I have dyspraxia and no matter how much I work on it I fail to grow out of it.

As for my social skills, I do force myself to meet people sometimes and try to act friendly but it doesn't work. There are part of my personality I can't change and won't change, I tried, I failed, I was depressed by my "not-me" persona. I won't change my personality because I like smart people and they never seem to be truly normal either.

Sometimes, you just can't do anything to truly improve and become normal.

Last edited by lostD on 15 Aug 2010, 3:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My motor skills aren't the best. Still I like horseback riding and when I was a kid I sort of overcame the physical issues I had and learned how to ride. Because I liked horses a lot. I tried playing tennis for a while at 10. I sucked at it. It was never fun so I quit it.

What I mean some things are just worth it and some are not. I would not waste time on things I don't find worth it. Like some people have trouble recognizing faces and they want to get better at it. Me, I don't care. Sure, I had some embarrassing situations, but I'd rather deal with them than use up energy to learn that skill. It's simply not worth it for me.

But if you have a real goal in your life, that is worth fighting for, and I would never tell anyone to stop.

But also I know I'll never reach anywhere if I focus on normalcy, because that for me is not a goal.

I have found that every setback makes me more wounded, and more socially crippled, and only makes the next time I have to face a similar situation more difficult.

Putting myself out there has made me more fearful. Not unreasonably fearful, the way a phobia would, but knowledgeably and reasonably fearful that if I tried to face my fear I would only encounter another painful situation (painful to me, though it might seem utterly trivial from the outside), and that I would once again be unable to get over it. Difficult circumstances that other people might be able to power through only leave me feeling stunned and wounded.

Knowing I have AS only makes me feel more hopeless, because now I know why I have had such a difficult time, and I can no longer be hopeful that I will learn by trying harder.

I know this is not positive or encouraging, but it has been my experience.

Instead of pursuing your passions, it may be more practical to figure out your strengths--what are you good at? Is there any way to use those strengths somehow? A better approach may be to be good at something, and then work from there. If you are really good at something, you have a better chance of the NT world putting up with your deficiencies so they get something they want.

Er... OP... you're not neurotypical... you're a well-adjusted autistic. Your description of your efforts to learn things sounds like classic Aspie coping skills to me.

That's very good advice. Thank you for sharing it, with us.

In the best of worlds your passion is what you're good at.

I know it doesn't always happen... but.... still, you're more likely to be good at something if you like it.

When I was a teen I was really good at math.... and I really, really hate math. I could not have tolerated having anything to do with it no matter how good at it I would have become.

But yea of course... it does help if a goal is within reach.... if it's totally impossible because either you suck at the thing or it's by nature near impossible, yea maybe you shouldn't pursue it...

Yes...I should have included working on your strengths. Most surely, however, if your deficits are keeping you from happiness...conquer them a little at a time. Just as with exercise...with adequate stress...coupled with adequate rest....super compensation occurs. Your tolerance level increases. You can tolerate more...and so do more. The key is in the size of the bites. Start out small...in manageable bites and increase when you comfortably can.

My son has made gigantic strides in overcoming his previously impossible to manage traits. He was initially diagnosed as full autistic. Please read my blog at my signature. In it I describe what we have done to help him improve so much...We realized later on that he is an Aspie.

Although my wife thinks I am an Aspie...I don't think so...Not from what I have read on all the Aspie forums...(she is the one that insisted I come here initially). I have always understood body and facial language...I know what the person is thinking....however...many times I don't know why they would think a certain way. Many times a person gets mad when they don't have a right to....or evil...I can understand anger....but not evil. I often see insincerity in smiles...and guarded speech and mannerisms when the situation doesn't warrant it. I find many other people (NTs) strange as so many...so often... wear a mask. So don't feel alone out there...many times, it is them being strange and not the other way around.